I have been staying out of the political fray. I have my own opinions about our country and the leadership we need in America, and I have chosen not to write about them or join in any social media buzz. What I read and see out there is so acidic, so polarizing, at times so juvenile, and so below what I believe we represent as a country and people that I have found it difficult to engage.
However, something so ugly has just happened that, as a man in good conscience, I can’t remain silent. Throughout this campaign season I have been amazed at what Donald Trump has said and even more incredulous of the statements made by some of his supporters. Still, it has always been my belief that common sense would prevail.
I’m speaking out now, not only about Donald Trump the Republican candidate for President, but more importantly Donald Trump the man. I want to address how I as a man feel about who Donald Trump is, and what he represents in our country. I want to discuss how we, as men, should be concerned.
Growing As a Man Is a Journey
I have found navigating life as a conscious man takes some doing. On one side I have privilege and power because of my gender. I don’t face discrimination or oppression as say, women do. On the other hand, being a man, being masculine, is fraught with stereotypes, expectations, mixed messages, uncertainties, and isolation.
I’m not complaining. I love my intentional journey for discovery of my authentic masculinity. One that I’ve been experiencing over the course of more than 10 years. And it is because of this journey that I say, Donald Trump does not represent the kind of men or masculinity needed in today’s world and for our country.
As a man, his words and actions do not represent the character qualities of leadership I look for in another man. The most recent reveal on sound and video shows a history of behavior for Donald Trump has not changed over the last 10 years. His way of showing up as a man, as seen over these last 18 months, oppresses women, exploits the weak and disadvantaged, and seeks only to nurture an infantile ego. I believe Donald Trump still has work to do around his level of consciousness of people and the world around him.
Hey look, no man is perfect. What sets Donald Trump apart from most of us men who are trying to get our shit together is his refusal…or possible inability?…to grow and develop into a conscious man of the 21st century. I can say this based on the inflammatory language he uses and behaviors he exhibits today, that apparently are still very similar to his language and behavior more than 10 years ago.
Giving Donald Trump a Pass Slams Women
I’m calling out men in this country who are giving the Donald a “pass” on his most recent reveal of talk and behavior. The fact that what he said was over 10 years ago doesn’t warrant the pass men. His words and behaviors over the last 18 months show the same disrespect and unconsciousness of women, as well as other groups in this country.
Men, be accountable to your wives, daughters, sisters and mothers. Donald Trumpdoesn’t get a pass, and he sure as hell shouldn’t be getting a like on Facebook. It is time to show true masculinity and stand up for the women in your lives against a misogynist. That looks like speaking out and denouncing Donald Trump’s words and behavior. And in case you forgot his words, here they are.
“I did try and fuck her” “I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married”
Men, this is rape culture talk. To “move in on someone” doesn’t suggest an invitation or mutual consent. He degrades the humanity of this woman and objectifies her by referring to “her like a bitch”. Donald Trump believes he, as a man, has the right to “try and fuck her” even though uninvited, and even though this woman was married.
Would you want your wife to be subject to advances and behaviors by men likeDonald Trump? Think about it. Is rape culture what we as men want to teach our sons is appropriate behavior with women? What is our responsibility here men? We do have one.
More of Donald Trump’s words. “And when you’re a star they let you do it” “You can do anything.” “Grab them by the pussy” “You can do anything.”
What is so disturbing to me in Donald Trump’s comments is that he believes he can do anything because of who he is. I see no sense of boundaries this man has for himself. I’m asking you men, what do you see?
Would you want your daughter left in a room alone with a man like Donald Trump? Is this a man who creates a safer world for women, or for any of us? How then can we support him in his bid for leadership of our country?
What message are we sending to our daughters if we do support him? Do we tell them it’s ok if men grab your pussy because we can? Is that the kind of men and father’s we are?
I always thought Donald Trump and his outrageous character would find its own way back to unimportance within the American conversation. It hasn’t. What he has done is awakened my own conscience of standing and being present as a man in this country. He has awakened my responsibilities to not only the women in my life, but to the women in this country.
Men, it is time for us to call Donald Trump out. This is not about politics. This is about being a man and standing for a masculinity that rejects oppression and violence. I’ve heard it said “it takes a man to sharpen another man”. I interpret that to mean it takes a man to help another man grow fully in his own masculinity. It takes men to awaken other men.
It is time men to send Donald Trump our wake-up call.
Originally Published on Huffington Post
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uf7MR0f4XDI
The video, at least as edited, shows many people making a silly statement, choosing to vote for a woman solely because she is a woman. That doesn’t make for good reasoning abilities. This doesn’t change the data that a woman makes less than 80% of a man in the same position, or that women are still grossly under represented in corporate executive positions (1 in 5). And so far, we still have not had a woman president even though there are many very qualified women who could fulfill the duties of POTUS. I have to ask myself what would be… Read more »
No, men have woken up … For at least the last five election cycles, the Democrats have each cycle created a “war on women” theme, and sown it effectively throughout their campaign. Remember the terms “soccer moms,” “security moms” and so forth? Whenever the so-called “kitchen table” discussions come up, they are always spoken of in terms of things women care about. Don’t men care about their children? How come security and childcare and safety are things that are portrayed as being only “women’s issues”? Because they appeal to emotions — free childcare, free education, family leave and so forth… Read more »
I don’t see the truth in all of what you’ve stated Tom, but you’ve presented some interesting ideas. I don’t see how an “emotional aspect” diminishes anything about a “truth” that men should not be supporting or propagating rape culture talk and behavior. Such words are not about being Republican or Democrat. For me, it is about how we as men choose to show up in our country and in our society.
I don’t see how an “emotional aspect” diminishes anything about a “truth” that men should not be supporting or propagating rape culture talk and behavior. I think the emotional aspect comes into play in the constant presentation that men as a whole support rape culture. Its an appeal to emotion to believe that what Trump has said and done represents the common man. Instead of the message, “We know Trump doesn’t represent the norm of male culture we need to stand up and prove it.” the message has been “Trump is the norm of male culture and we need to… Read more »
I think I follow your argument Danny. I would agree with you that making Trump the norm for all men around rape culture is not right.When you wrote “We know Trump doesn’t represent the norm of male culture we need to stand up and prove it”, that supports my call to men to “stand up and prove” this isn’t acceptable behavior from Trump and men in general.
So with that in mind. If its not right why is it happened, why is it acceptable, and why is calling this out considered a bad thing? Why are we expected to ignore the negative generalization? No other group would be expected to be okay with being generalized in such a manner. Why is it that despite the majority of men that have spoken out on this are saying they don’t support Trump’s words and actions don’t represent us we are still told that Trump’s words and actions represent us? I’m all for speaking up so we agree on that… Read more »
I’m curious who is saying that Trump’s words and actions represent us (men) Danny? Who is putting men in the negative generalization you describe, and what are the facts they are using to substantiate their claims? I haven’t come across what you describe, so I am not able to agree, at this point, with the hypocrisy you point out. I have heard female (and male) commentators say that when men remain silent in the presence of rape culture language and behavior, these men are helping perpetuate the problem.
Todd it happens right here at GMP among other places. A lot of the posts on what he called locker room talk have been passed off as representation of how men in general talk as if its a common thing and that we need to change it rather than a minority occurrence that must be dealt with. I have heard female (and male) commentators say that when men remain silent in the presence of rape culture language and behavior, these men are helping perpetuate the problem. I’ve heard that too as well. And I have no problem speaking up. What… Read more »
Danny, for anyone to say you or any other man hates women because of being male is a total crock of crap. I wouldn’t support a position like that. On the second part, I’m not sure what is meant by entitlement. It sounds similar to privilege to me. I believe we as men do have privilege that women don’t have. It looks like being able to walk to our car in the dark and not worry we will be overpowered and assaulted by a man. It looks like being in a board meeting and not having any other guy comment… Read more »
It’s about how a person is being played. IMO. women are being played.
You’re right about it not being a party issue … both sides are played to some degree. And the real players in this is the media. Long and short, it’s a mess.
I don’t believe any thinking person appreciates being played Tom. I certainly don’t. And I believe the media loves to play us. To me, that is why it is so important for men, and women, to be conscious and informed when making choices, then owning up to consequences that may happen, good or bad. If we speak up for what we believe is right, and willing to have these conversations with others, we are less likely to played.
Todd, from what you look like in your photo, it appears you may be too young to know what the “news” media use to be. They reported the “news” Now ya can’t get anything without a slant, a spin or an opinion. I think the original Richard Daley mayor of Chicago started the trend when he was pissed at the news and told them to “print what I mean, not what I say.”
I’m 54 Tom. I remember when news stations reported data, and there was no spin, commentary, judgment, and opinion. I truly miss that. I haven’t watched “news” for over 10 years because of it. Sometimes it is hard to find “facts” and source information on the issues, but I always keep that as my goal.
LOL, you’re not missing anything.
Yet you are playing us with such statements as the 80% wage gap that has been proven, absolutely to be false. In fact, the wage gap among our young has reversed, and that is for the exact same job (1.07 to 1.00 favoring women). The same with the accusation of “rape culture” and the fabricated statistics such as 1 in 4 women, that no legitimate source of information agrees with.. Even feminist are debunking that one against progressives. Likewise, the “historic” mistreatment of women canard that was fashionable back in the 70s, which flew in direct contrast to even Friedan’s… Read more »
DJ, I use data to support my positions. Bureau of Labor Statistics on the wage disparity http://www.bls.gov/opub/ted/2014/ted_20140423.htm and RAINN and Department of Justice on sexual violence https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violenceloo Whether someone wants to accept the data is up to them, but this is not the issue or point of my article. The point is, how do we as men want to show up? What kind of language and behaviors are we going to embrace as men? What responsibility do we each have as men to speak up when another man uses language and exhibits behavior that demeans and objectifies women? These questions… Read more »
…presuming (apparently correctly) that women will vote from an emotional response, while men will vote from a more logic-based response.
And when a man does recognize that there is a problem and doesn’t want to go with either emotion or logic he is attacked by people on both sides. Clinton supporters call him a racist misogynist that hates anyone that’s not a straight white male. Trump supporters call him a crybaby liberal that is afraid of not being the center of attention.
However, something so ugly has just happened that, as a man in good conscience, I can’t remain silent. Throughout this campaign season I have been amazed at what Donald Trump has said and even more incredulous of the statements made by some of his supporters. Still, it has always been my belief that common sense would prevail.” Bill Clinton does the same, we here crickets from the same men. Hilly has been involved in the man-hating, gender feminist movement and we hear crickets. Trump is not the best of men, but I feel more shame about being a man from… Read more »
My hope DJ is that instead of feeling shame as a man, we feel a desire to tap into a masculinity that respects boundaries for ourselves and others. Thanks for reading the article and for your comment.
Bill Clinton is responsible for his own words and actions. But even Bill has not said half the things a Teump has though both men clearly don’t respect women. Clinton was impeached, if you remember. If Bill Clinton, does the same things as Trump, doesn’t that mean that Trump is equally unfit for the role of president and that his actions would also make him impeachable? I get frustrated how much time is spent on Bill vs Trump, almost like Hillary is a non person here. Last time I checked the election was between trump and Hillary, not Teump and… Read more »
Thanks for your comments Erin. If we as men did a better job calling out each other when we say or do things, intentionally or not, that degrade another person or group, I believe the expressions of our masculinity would more often be building up our country and the people in it.
I get frustrated that Hillary contributed to Bills cover-ups, berated the accusers even though at least one of them was paid. I get frustrated with Hillary concentrating on Trumps ethics and getting her a free pass on her own unethical behaviors. I get frustrated with the media discrediting the women who accuse Bill but turn a finger at trump and show case to those who have allegations against Trump. I get frustrated with the blind on the left that completely ignore Hillary and her short comings I get frustrated that the left will accept Hilary “changing her views” in things… Read more »
Camila Paglia also said, “A woman simply is, but a man must become.” For me, the article questions how we as men, and as fathers and mentors of boys, are going to show up to our sons, and other men, in how we treat and behave around women. I hear you’re frustration Tom and I appreciate you commenting.
She once called black men “super predators.
She supported laws that pretty much focused on in imprisoning more black men than any other demographic.
She has said that women are the victims of war because unlike the males that died, women have to continue living.
Now I know it would be tempting to say those things happened in the past but if that’s the case then why is it okay to drudge up things from Trump’s past to hold against him?
I believe everyone has a right to ask any public person to answer for what they have said and done Danny. What I noticed about Trump is the things he is saying about women today, and the way he interacts with women today, are very similar to his conversations from 10 years ago. As a man today, and as part of a the larger group of men in this country, I am calling out language and behavior by men that degrades and demeans women in general. It is my belief that if left unchallenged, things like rape culture will perpetuate.… Read more »
That’s fair Todd. The reason I commented is because of the constant asking of “what bad things has Hillary said/done?” from her supporters and then when answered they use the very same responses of “but that was in the past!” “why does that even matter?” that they have rightly not allowed to fly when Trump used them. I don’t have a problem with calling out Trump’s bad behavior but I do have a problem with being okay with excusing Clinton’s behavior in a way that would not tolerated if done for Trump. When that happens that tells me that they… Read more »
Fairness and equal treatment is something I believe we should always strive for Danny. As a man, I want to live conscious of the consequences my words and actions have on others. And as a man, I believe it is a man’s responsibility to challenge another man when his words or actions come from a place that is harmful to another group. It is no secret that men are the power group in this country, and using demeaning language and exerting behavior that violates a woman’s boundaries is not what I believe men are about. This is the specific behavior… Read more »
Sure I”m all for striving for fair and equal treatment but simply put someone above asked for examples that shows Clinton hates men and when they are provided no response is given. Now you’re welcome to say that such examples are off topic but since no one seemed to have a problem with the question being asked I don’t think its too far out of the way to answer it. Let us strive for fair and equal treatment for all, but let’s not make ourselves willfully ignorant of potential solutions just because more dangerous outcomes loom over us. (In short… Read more »
Granted Danny, not every male is in a position of power. Not every male is treated fairly, by men or women. I cannot get on board that men are not the power group in this country. The comparison in wages, corporate executive positions, and representation in positions of power in government supports men being on top. It’s not even close Danny.
Like I said I’m not saying men have no advantages over women. I’m saying that you cannot declare men the power group simply because of shared gender identity. Sure the things you compare aren’t close but what about things like mental health, support for abuse/rape, average life span (because for some reason when the average male life span increases its often seen as a bad thing for women), incarceration, etc…. Those things aren’t even close Todd but somehow those things are totally ignored in favor of a wage gap that’s nowhere near the often repeated “women make 70 cents per… Read more »
Danny I don’t see the truth in what you present. I can’t agree that men do not have a significant advantage economically and professionally over women in this country. I haven’t seen data about disparities in mental health and support for rape/abuse. Around incarceration, that is a mess for men…specifically men of color. Our prison industrial complex is systemically racist, not sexist.
I can’t agree that men do not have a significant advantage economically and professionally over women in this country. Not quite what I said let me clarify. I am saying that you can’t blanketly say that men are advantaged over women simply because most power positions are held by men. The fact that most power positions are held by men does not benefit men as a class or even the numerical majority of men for that matter Around incarceration, that is a mess for men…specifically men of color. Our prison industrial complex is systemically racist, not sexist. If that’s the… Read more »
Danny, I am not comparing a man’s power position or economic advantage within sub groups of other men. The comparison, and data to support it, are between men and women in incomes, executive positions, and opportunities for advancement. I’m not familiar with the data that would support greater sentences for men than women for like crimes. What is your source? And if that is true, it’s not right. The data on sexual violence shows many millions more rapes and attempted rapes on women than on men each year. I have an idea why women’s groups would fight against gender neutral… Read more »