Jennifer Guinyard LMSW believes then men don’t want to meet women online.
After much reluctancy, I decided to give online dating a try…again. One of the pet peeves I’ve had in the past with this mode of courtship was the fact that people who do it seem to have absolutely no interest in meeting actual people in real life.
Let me be a little bit more specific. In the past I would spend a considerable amount of time scanning through member profiles to see if anyone caught my eye. In the rare case that a man’s profile image and the text to go along with it captivated me, I had no issue messaging the person. I let the guy know that I was interested in getting to know him better. On average, two or three of these conversations led to an actual live date.
There is nothing wrong with being selective. However, online dating has become this vortex where people “hide” to increase their sense of superiority Think about it: you have the power. You get to scan through profiles and say “nope, unattractive, uh uh, arrogant, too short, too desperate.” We are comfortable making judgments about people we don’t even know and then we get fed up when we have no plans on Friday night. People do things like rate your profile very highly or wink at you and then don’t take the time to message you. I don’t understand this phenomenon. Behaving in this manner is a colossal waste of time. Why join a dating website if you have no interest in going on a date?
I made an executive decision: online dating wasn’t about finding the “one.” Yeah it could happen, but I needed to adjust my expectations. I became more open to simply seeing who is out there. I was hopeful that there would be a guy who was proactive enough to ask me out. I know what I want and I am not willing to lower my standards. I’ve found that as time goes on, I’m less critical when viewing profiles of potential dates online.
My observations have led me to believe that men have no interest in meeting women online. Perhaps they are being highly selective. They are possibly reluctant to go out with someone they don’t feel an instant spark with. But I’ll tell you this: I have no interest in communicating with you via email for three months or more in order to figure out if we have enough commonalities to meet in person. I enjoy dating in real life. I don’t think you really get an accurate read of people just by communicating with them online. Let’s see if we click in person sooner rather than later. This is not an act of desperation, it just makes sense!
What are your thoughts about online dating?
This post was originally featured on Brooklyn Single Mama.
Photo Credit: Nick Karvounis/Unsplash