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Psychologists and coaches agree that choosing the right partner for marriage will determine the quality of a person’s life in a greater extent than deciding on a career path. Particularly, if you intend to have kids together, you will be forever connected to their mother. Many authors of dating tips suggest a routine how to approach women and get them to like you, but if you seek a long-term relationship, such advice may backfire. Enduring connections are built on authenticity, which is the opposite of routines.
10 Factors to Consider in Choosing a Lifetime Partner
After the age of 30, most people have already gone through a long-term relationship, maybe even two or more. Some guys have a marriage and a subsequent divorce under their belts, determined not to make the same mistakes.
One of the top tips for men describing how to find the best life partner sounds simple.
“To find the right partner, you need to be the right partner.”
It describes the logic of the process precisely. The quality of your future spouse starts with yourself.
1. Know who you are.
There is some soul-searching work to be done before you can consider yourself ready to find a partner for life. By the age of 30, a person’s character and values are formed. You have done some hard yards in the dating world, learned what you like and dislike in women, have a set of schedules and customs in your daily life. You established a career. It may help to take an inventory and write down, once again, things that you consider important in your existence, what your enjoy today and would like to explore in the future. Even if you do it every few months, things on this list may change. Acceptance and understanding of who you are, unsurprisingly, help you attract the lady who is right for you.
2. Seek similarity.
As a rule, enduring partnerships work the best when your second half is a female version of yourself. Scientists confirmed that opposites don’t attract, contrary to a popular belief. We are naturally drawn to people who are like us. Some men think if they find a wife who complements their shortcomings with her strengths, they would have a better chance to overcome challenges. In reality, you are likely to have more clashes. Men and women are already dissimilar and see things in their own ways. If you try to create a union with someone contrasting, the differences will be pulling you apart. More differences, more conflicts. More conflicts, less chance for your marriage to last.
3. Physical attraction is essential to a successful long-term union.
Typically, males are unlikely to get involved in a serious affair with a female they don’t feel attracted to on a physical level. However, women seeking men for marriage frequently sacrifice strong physical appeal in favour of long-term prospects. And one-sided passion is not enough for your marriage to survive. No matter how much you want her, if she doesn’t have the same strong zeal for you, the long-standing future of your alliance is in question.
4. Strong foundation is built on mutual values and goals.
If you are religious and she is an atheist, this will form a constant discord in your family. If she dreams to have five children and you think that two is more than enough, this, too, will become a problem in the years to come. A common base will allow you to push forward in the same direction and achieve goals that you see as important. By knowing yourself well (see p.1), you have the best chance to find the right partner.
5. Look for maturity in a person.
Mature attitude is not always connected with the biological age. If you seek someone to settle down with, you are not a match with a lady who wants to party or repeat her twenties that she missed out upon. You want someone young at heart but mature in attitude. Culturally, people in some countries tend to mature sooner than in others. For instance, the age of 24-25 is viewed as the preferred period among Russian women, for marriage and starting a family. It is not unusual for people aged 21-22 in Russia to have a family, a job, and own a home. In western countries, many kids haven’t even left their parents’ homes by that time. Maturity relates to a person’s ability to take responsibility for themselves and loved ones, rather than the year of birth.
6. Common experiences create lasting connections.
There is a reason why people often choose partners working within the same industry. They understand each other better. Similar life experiences, too, unite you as a pair. You wish to be able to grow together from what you have already achieved. Ideally, your soul mate will have experiences that can improve your life and help you move to the next level.
7. Health is not a given.
A fellow coach told me about the tragedy of her life: Her husband of 5 years died of cancer. She said, “I created a list of what I wanted in a partner, and he was all of these things. The only thing I forgot was good health…” It seems distasteful to think of ordinary things like this when you dream of a bright romance and exhilarating adoration. But if you forget good health, your dream love affair may turn tragic and become the heartbreak of your life. If you aspire to live with your beloved happily ever after, choose a person who values her health.
8. Be ready to accept the new love into your life.
If the love of your life walked into your home right now, what would she find? Do you think she would like to stay? Be prepared to accept the lady you are looking for. When you start your search, things may happen swiftly. Do that renovation you planned years ago, spring clean your home, update your wardrobe to match the level of a lady you hope to meet. Maybe go on a diet and lose these few extra pounds you know need trimming. Find the weights in the garage and start jogging again, if you are not physically active. Cut afternoon drinks and stock your fridge with broccoli and beans instead of potato chips. Become the energetic man your fit and healthy future fiancée expects in her mate.
9. Learn to trust yourself.
When you embark on the quest for a lifetime partner, you may be inclined to follow a certain route, but sometime the path takes you to unexpected places. Or it may happen that on the surface everything looks fine but you have a feeling about the connection that something is not right. If you are open and honest, trust yourself. Pay more attention and you will be able to resolve what bothers you. It could help to share what is going on with a trusted friend or a coach. When you explain your situation to someone, they have an uninvested view and can notice latent issues you’ve missed.
10. Remember what women want in a partner for life.
Security is the primary biological and social driver for females choosing a future husband. Women want someone reliable, trustworthy, dependable, and industrious. A girl may still go after a cute guy she liked, if all she wants is a fling, but in case of seeking a potential spouse, she needs a man who will pursue the relationship with conviction. A woman who aims towards the same goals as you do, a long-term common future, will feel at ease with a man who shows his determination to win her heart.
If a girl is ready to settle down, she will be pleased to hear you are seeking a serious relationship with the potential of a common future. On dating sites, it’s disheartening for women yearning to find a lifetime partner to be contacted by men who behave as if all they desire is a casual weekend hook up. Be open about what you are trying to find, and it will help your new connection to start on the right foot.
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Photo Credit: Getty Images
Not 30 yet, but every time I got into a relationship I was looking for something else. Maybe because I grew up and now I’m close to 30 and my expectations are way different compared to the ones I had when I was 20 or 25.
Personally, I look after people who want to have kids because this was one of my dreams since a teenage age.