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Men, women owe you nothing.*
I know, I know, a lifetime of cultural conditioning may make this difficult to comprehend; in the United States, women haven’t even crossed the century mark in terms of having the right to cast a vote, nevermind the fact that the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) took another fifty years to pass (but OOPS, was never actually ratified!), so it’s easy to understand the confusion. You have been told, whether overtly or systemically, that women are “less than” and by definition, that makes you the “boss”. I get that years and years and years of media input have demonstrated that women are essentially here to look pretty and serve you, sexually and otherwise.
Turns out, not so much; but I understand the confusion, I really do. Still: time to get over it. Now you know.
Women, men owe you nothing.*
Okay, so you earn 80 cents to his dollar, but that doesn’t actually mean he should pay for dinner. Unless he is your father, a man has no obligation whatsoever to take care of you (or help you move, or lift heavy things, or hold open doors). If you are able-bodied and of sound mind, there is not a thing in this world you should not be able to do for yourself (or pay someone else to do for you). Decades of research prove that we are equally intelligent to men; therefore, there should be no problem they can solve that we cannot. If you play the weak, little or “dumb blonde” cards in order to wriggle out of what is ultimately your responsibility, you now have got to own it when you get treated like you are weak, little or dumb.
I get that you may very well have been conditioned to be dependent on a man, but if you are dependent on a man and he subsequently acts like he’s in charge? Guess what? He is, and you gave him permission to be so.
Men, women owe you nothing.*
Especially when it comes to sex. Even if you are in a relationship! Even if you are married!
Mind officially blown, right?
Sex needs to be a mutually desired, mutually agreed upon activity 100% of the time. Not 99%, not “usually”, ALWAYS. Forcing, bullying or even whining and cajoling a woman into having sex is ALWAYS the wrong move.
I’ll let you in on a secret: most women, like most men, actually love to have sex!!!
Mind officially blown, right?
But here’s the part that is no longer a secret, thanks to the #MeToo movement: most women, unlike most men, have been forced, bullied and cajoled into violent, unwanted and otherwise unpleasant sexual encounters. So we are understandably more self-protective and wary about engaging with men we don’t know or trust. That doesn’t mean we don’t want to have sex; that means we generally speaking don’t want to have sex with someone we don’t know and trust (and PS–you NEVER have to have sex if you don’t want to, either!).
Makes sense when you think about it, right?
Women, men owe you nothing.*
Although statistics show there’s a high probability you have been the victim of some kind of sexual violence, unless the man standing in front of you right now was the perpetrator, he doesn’t owe you an apology. There is a reason why “innocent until proven guilty” is the lynchpin of our legal system; if you walk in the door treating every man like he is a “suspect”, then chances are you are going to get a less-than-warm reception. Again, statistics show that while rape victims are common, rapists are not because men who commit sexual violence tend to be serial offenders.
Men are not the enemy. Sexual predators are the enemy. If you shut down to all men because of the bad acts of a few, you are the one who is missing out. If you have been the victim of sexual assault and have not gotten the support and help you need to heal, please do so; you deserve peace and clarity.
Men, women owe you nothing.*
Not her attention, not her time; not even her smile. If you crave these things and don’t get them from a particular woman, move the hell on, immediately! Plenty of fish in the sea, as they say. Stalking, badgering, and demanding are not romantic—they are scary, annoying and unacceptable.
There should be nothing less interesting to you than someone who isn’t interested in you. If you want to be in a relationship with a woman and you are willing to give her time to get to know you, it WILL happen eventually. Just not with the woman who’s throwing shade at you; MOVE ON.
Women, men owe you nothing.*
Not his attention, not his time; not even his back. You are not a “damsel-in-distress”, you are a grown-ass, kick-ass, bad-ass woman. If anyone treats you as less than that, MOVE ON.
Men and women! You owe each other nothing!*
But if you procreate, you both owe that child or those children your support and encouragement until the age of 18; longer if you have a soul.
Unprotected sex is a decision for which you are equally culpable; don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time, as the saying goes. Unwanted, unloved and unnurtured children are the leading cause of disgruntled, disaffected, disassociated adults. You create a person, you make sure that person’s needs are met—don’t punish him or her for your poor judgment.
In other words, no backsies.
Men and women! You owe each other NOTHING!*
*But as citizens of this planet, as PEOPLE, we all owe each other RESPECT. Man, woman, child; every race, every creed, every sexual orientation, every socio-economic background. Respect should be our platform; respect should be our baseline.
If we ALL simply treated each other with respect, the problems outlined here would just “magically” disappear, wouldn’t they?
Mind officially blown, right?
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Photo Credit: Getty Images
You failed on one point in this article… no one owes anyone else anything… INCLUDING RESPECT… that has to be earned.
Men seem to understand this because it’s ingrained in them pretty much from birth, while women are taught they can have and do whatever they want, while everyone else is expected to bear the consequence for their bad decisions.
Another article written for women. At least you’re starting to see your own nonsense and not just ours. Progress……but you have a long way to go.
This article says what’s true about men and women and how they relate (often). We have been brought up (many of us) with these expectations that come from our genders. We expect to have our weaknesses catered to and often our strengths overlooked again because of gender. This is a ‘time’s up’ type of article – it tells us what in our hearts we know but haven’t yet overcome. Facing these things head on is powerful and scarifying.