Why make anything new when cruddy sequels make money?
This weekend my kids and I went to see Movie Sequel 2: The Sequel. While we were waiting for the movie to start, we saw trailers for three coming sequels. “Do movie studios even try to make new movies?” my daughter asked me.
I gave her some nonsensical explanation about movies being a business first, so of course where there’s money to be made they’re going to go after it. And then while the painfully bad sequel to the bad but profitable movie made noise for 90 minutes, I wondered what other sequel opportunities are being overlooked. Here are few:
- Member’s Only Jacket II: Once worn by every teenager in America, now worn by every old guy with a fanny pack, the Member’s Only Jacket was a huge seller. This new version will be bigger and better than ever, with epaulets on the epaulets.
- Rocky II 2: The long-awaited sequel to the sequel to the original Rocky, this film picks up right after Rocky wins the belt from Apollo and signs on for a dream bout with Desmond Tutu.
- World War II: This action-packed sequel to the First World War includes even more countries and bigger weapons. What’s that? Oh. Never mind.
- 16: Hey, it’s a math joke. Get it? Leave your answer below.
- The Bible II: How is it that the greatest selling book of all time hasn’t spawned a sequel? And no, contrary to what he may think Bono’s autobiography doesn’t count.
- Paula Deen 2: Electric Boogaloo: Americans love a comeback, and in this second act Paula Deen does it right. P-Deeny locks and pops with Shabba Doo, and I’ll be honest: she’s like butter.
So there are just a few possibilities. Hey, I’m just spitballing here. Surely there are more product sequel opportunities out there, so let’s hear them. Maybe I’ll compile your responses and release Movie Sequel 2 2: The Sequel to Move Sequel 2: The Sequel.