JJ Vincent would like to clarify a few things for those who think that gays are out to destroy the world.
Dear Terribly Confused Persons,
I’m somewhat bewildered.
I listen to the news, left and right. I tune in to the arguments, pro and con. I listen to people around me. I read (although I probably shouldn’t) Yahoo! comments.
It’s 2014. But if I’m understanding this correctly, my agenda, on any given day, includes destroying heterosexual marriages, unraveling the fabric of society, undermining family values, brainwashing children, circulating petitions, marching in protest, infiltrating the military for nefarious purposes, trying to get married, luring innocent heterosexual men into a lifetime of debauchery, taking over prime time television, taking over daytime television, and ensuring the downfall of a bunch of states.
Obviously, you’ve has gotten some bad information. I’d like to take a moment and clarify a few things. Maybe it will help you sleep better at night.
The most important things you need to know about me is: I am a person. And like most people, I do have an agenda.
1. Get ready for work.
2. Put the dog out in a timely manner. (Failing to do so means that I’ll have a cleanup to do that will throw off my entire schedule)
3. Feed the cats and the guinea pigs. (Failing to do this results in wailing and wheeking that wake up the other dog and the other human. These are not good things.)
4. Pack lunch.
5. Make sure I have the Three Essentials to Daily Gay Living: cell phone, wallet, keys.
6. Go to work.
6b. Remember to eat lunch before 3:00.
7. Leave reasonably on time to run whatever errands are on the list that my partner left me, which I forgot to get off the counter.
8. Get gas.
9. Whip up a Fabulous Gay Dinner of
(Tues) Leftover Chicken McNuggets, Quesadillas
(Wed) Reheated Leftovers from the Weekend
(Thur) Baked Salmon, Sauteed Bell Peppers and Mushrooms, Four-Cheese Mac-and-Cheese
10. Turn on the TV or a movie while crafting, sewing, working on The Good Men Project, catching up on facebook, chatting with GirlPartner, playing Wii, or some or all of the above
11. Go to bed.
Addendums: Monday Nights-Knitting Group Saturdays-Art/Craft Show Sunday-see Mom/Moms
Occasionals: Dinner with friends, extra Mom visits, concerts, traveling to/with the GirlPartner, seeing exactly what you can buy on sears.com, police procedural marathons
As you can see, I’m quite busy. Even if I did want to destroy civilization as we know it, as you seem convinced that I want to do, I just don’t have the time or the energy. Between jobs, pets, partners, friends, and laundry, I’m kinda swamped.
Now, granted, it would be very nice to do these these things with the same rights as most of the population enjoys, and as 17 states and the military have proven, this will not cause America to fall into a giant steaming hole in the Earth.
But I assure you, your marriage and children are quite safe. I’m not interested in world domination. I just want to sit at the table and have a turkey, cranberry, and brie sandwich.
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