By Erik Shaw
Growing up, I always found myself in conflict with both of my parents. This conflict arose as a result of my short temper and constant need to disappoint my parents, thinking I would somehow come out on top. My behavior brought about a lot of issues between my siblings and I, which in turn created more conflict between my family and me. I was always angry, and I never knew why, and to this day I regret the way I acted with my family and even my teachers. I wish I could go back and have a conversation with myself so that I could change the poor relationship I had created with my parents at a young age.
I lashed out at my parents for the simplest things such as daily chores like loading and unloading the dishwasher, putting away my laundry, and taking out the trash. I can recall one instance where my mother had asked me on a Sunday evening to check if I had any more homework to do and when I was done with that to take out the trash and unload the dishwasher. To this simple task, I retorted, “WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO DO IT?” Although I immediately complained, my brothers happily took over so that my mom did not have to stress out when she asked for help. I then stormed off; following behind me was the angry and disappointed shouts of my parents.
Among the shouts were a variety of threats; one being that all my electronics would be taken away. That threat put me over the edge. Having an addiction to electronics, I would reply again with swears and in with any form of language that was meant to be hurtful. I never knew why I reacted whenever I was asked to do chores. I would apologize and say I would never overreact again, but I continued to explode. I was aware of the damage to my relationships these “explosions” caused, but I could not control them. However, with time I learned to control my outbursts. My control mended my broken relationships and allowed me to appreciate the sacrifices my parents made for me.
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As I matured, I began to idolize my parents, and I wanted to make them proud. I accomplished this by doing better in school and hopefully going to a school that was reputable in my parents’ eyes. It was not until my freshman year of high school I realized that I wanted to turn my life around and involve myself in the world around me. I began participating in more extracurriculars, studying harder for classes, and engaging myself with my parents and teachers. Once I did this, I could see the change of mood in my parents’ attitudes towards me, thus changing my attitude towards my parents. My mom started to let me have more freedom for where I could go and what I wanted to do on weekends. She even allowed me to have sleepovers with my friends on school nights, which was something I had never done before. However, although my attitude greatly improved, my parents would still get disappointed whenever I said, “I don’t care” or “so, it doesn’t matter.”
This backlash was another hurdle I hoped to overcome and adjust my attitude to the betterment of others and myself. I began to idolize my father and see how I could take what I learned from him and add my own ideas into things. My dad came from a middle-class family where his father owned a Laundromat business with which he provided for his four sons. My dad lived in a medium sized house with his three brothers in a small town outside Philadelphia, going to the Haverford School with his brothers. From there my dad went to Duke from which he would graduate and go to Wharton to get his MBA. I admire my father for all that he has done because the one thing he values over everything else is education. He has provided for my siblings and me, giving us the best possible opportunities to succeed, and to receive the best education we individually can obtain. Although I am not going to a prestigious school like Duke, I hope that I can be successful and, hopefully, provide for my future family and give them similar opportunities.
My parents both imprinted many things onto me. My father has shown me how I should act socially, and to honor and respect everyone. I was taught how I should approach life and not look at things as being too hard, but rather to take each obstacle as a privilege to challenge myself. My dad taught me how to swim, ride a bike, and ski, all things I love to do even now! He has given me countless memories, all of which I will never forget. My mother told me that you don’t have to be friends with everybody, but you can at least greet and treat them with the utmost friendship and respect. A very useful tool for me because I tend to have difficulty always being generous and kind, as I can sometimes be very condescending. My mom always made sure to tell me to keep my friends close and to do the same for the kids I did not like, because she always said, “You never know who will be your boss, and it never hurts to be nice.”
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