By Kat Sandoval
LA, California. Venice High School. Freshman year, entering an all-gender bathroom.
All I hear is laughing in the stalls.
Smoke everywhere.
I see my homegirls come out with heavy eyes, dark red eyes.
One looks at me and says, “Wassup, Kat.” She coughs as she says my name.
My other homegirls keep laughing and giggling and I’m thinking, “They’re high.”
One of them says in a monotone voice, “Hey you wanna take a hit?”
I make a face, saying, “Ummm, I’m not sure.”
But it took this pen-looking thingy into the stall. My heart racing, sweaty palms. I keep staring at the pen. Once I took a hit, I start coughing so bad, like holding my breath underwater, as if my lungs were being deprived of oxygen.
My homegirls say, “Woah! You okay there, Kat?”
I just couldn’t stop coughing and I start to laugh. I clear my throat and say, ”Yeah, I’m fine.”
After lunch, I walk out of the bathroom. I don’t even remember how long I was sucking on that thing. My eyes felt tired, my mouth dry, my heart racing so fast and I’m thinking, “Holy crap, I’m so high.”
Throughout Spanish class, I felt paranoid. I kept laughing for no reason. I was seeing things honestly and that was the best feeling ever.
I had been stressed the past few weeks with my school work and this pen took it all away.
Not worry about anything, thinking I was going to get caught by my Spanish teacher. This was really freaking me out as if I was playing hide-and-seek. And I don’t want anybody to know where I am.
I didn’t want her to find out that I was high.
After school, my stomach was crying bad, so I went into the fridge. I started to chop down the food. It tasted real good. This was my really happy place. Mixing up foods. I didn’t care. I was just so hungry. I ate eggs and avocadoes together. Hot Cheetos and milk. Best combination ever.
All by sucking down that smoke from that pen.
Everything dissolved. Didn’t have to deal with my mom or dad telling me what to do.
This became my happy place.
Love these feelings that make the world a better place.
I have my own pen now, so when my parents go to sleep, I close the livingroom door, play some Dr. Dre or some 90’s music.
Then…just smoke away.
Can’t ask for anything else.
That pen became my best friend.
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Talk to you soon.
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