Q: My wife and I are an impasse. I am done and I want a divorce. She doesn’t believe in them because she’s Christian and she is frowned upon by her religion and her family. I feel trapped. I have moved out but I feel that if I try to serve her papers, she’s going to drag this out forever.
A: She very well may; but, here’s the first place I want to go: my friend, you are not trapped – never! You always have a choice. When you say you are trapped, you are giving your power away to her, which is fueling this. What is the worst thing that would happen if you filed divorce papers? It would go on forever. Are you going to let that stop you? You could. What if you filed papers and because you weren’t so attached to what happened, you just kept your eyes on the horizon, maybe she would let go a lot easier. What if it’s a gift, that her family and her religion can see her not as broken or wrong, because she had a divorce, in order for you to make a decision not out of guilt of making her look bad. She’s an adult, it’s her life, if the two of you are not able to come back together, and put time, effort, and energy into making the relationship work, then that’s called a consequence. Maybe that is a gift for her soul’s evolution to actually have to be in communication with her family and say “I have a divorce and I’m a good person”. So overall, by staying out of action and blaming another, saying I’m trapped, you’re not going to grow or get anywhere. By taking action, and the way in which you take action, from self-love, no blame, self-responsibility – this is the way to have the greatest outcome.
Now, as you move forward. Is this necessarily going to be a walk in the park? Maybe, maybe not. A coach like me is a smart choice so you stay coming from your heart, stay grounded, do the right thing (according to your soul), not reacting or acting out of guilt. Maybe even helping the two of you through this process. There is always a way, if two people are willing, to get through anything with grace, honesty, and kindness. The conscious divorce. If you can’t change her (which you can’t), you can’t talk her into that (which you can’t because people have their own free will), you can make a choice for you. You are never trapped. Email [email protected] if you would like to talk to me as your move forward because it seems like on your own you won’t, but maybe with someone in your corner you will.
Know that I’ve got your back. Allow me to love you through this, it would be a privilege.
Previously published on Allanapratt.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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