Once upon a time, I considered myself the ultimate gift-giver. Romance was my game, and I was good at it. I’ve always felt that you should treat your spouse in a way that makes her friends and coworkers jealous, and I always excelled at it.
Coworker: What’s that?
Wife: My husband made me a collage book of all the things he loves about me.
Coworker: My husband is garbage.
Like that.
But times have changed.
When my wife and I were dating, I would make gifts commemorating places we’ve been to or things we’d done. A scrabble board that spelled out special times in each line, a mosaic of the two of us made from tiny pictures we’d taken during special events.
Now?
I just gave her a watch.
[sad trombone sound]
I’m writing this piece during a weekend getaway to the New Hampshire White Mountains that she booked for us as my anniversary present. As I type this, I’m lying in a bed and breakfast with our bedroom fireplace going, while she lays next to me playing on her iPad.
Her anniversary watch is on the side table.
When did the tables turn? At what point did I think that the best way to show how much I love her was to give her something to help tell time?
I am ashamed.
The only rational explanation I can think of, is that spent my wad way too early. Every birthday, anniversary, holiday or commemorative event included gifting her something unique. Friends and coworkers would see what I gave or made for her and be instantly envious.
This was the way.
We have been together for eleven years. Just counting birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day and Christmas, that’s 44 gifts we’ve had to figure out for each other.
I did all the smooshy romantic stuff in the early years, making sure I hooked her. Similarly how the partner of your dreams did all weird freaky stuff in bed before you got married. Now the only weird and freaky things going on in the bedroom involve a CPAP machine.
I’m officially out of ideas. The internet is not very helpful.
I should have paced myself. I should have saved the really romantic stuff for one or two holidays each year. Now I’ve done everything I can think of, including dedicating a book of romance stories to her.
Now, I guess, it’s her turn. She’s been spoiling me with thoughtful gifts and getaways. In return, I’m down to Amazon gift cards and flowers.
Watches are all I have left.
She’s gonna need to grow some more arms.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Author