It’s been YEARS since they’ve made love, yet he’s staying because of his daughter. Allana Pratt, Intimacy Expert, has a fiercely loving point of view…
Question: I’ve been married for 15 years and shortly after my wife completely shut down in the bedroom. If and when we connected it was “WRONG.” It lasted for 2 to 3 minutes, and it was always the same activity, and if I wasn’t done when she was, TOO BAD. If I was lucky we might connect again in 5 or 6 months. We used to have fun in bed.
Now it’s been YEARS since we made love. I have been the catalyst to all our couples counseling sessions (we have been to 6 different counselors.) and after years of trying we are no closer than when we started. I have been trying to be understanding but this is too much. The reason I have stayed this long is we have a daughter. She is 14. I have tried to not let her be effected. My wife is a great woman, and this is why I have stayed this long. There are other issues but these are not as big as this one, and I know that if this was fixable the others will fall in line. I have given our relationship until my daughter goes to college. I deserve a happy relationship.
Answer: I am sorry. I am so so sorry.
Sexual energy, life force energy, the same energy that births a star and spins the planet, fuels and ignites our bodies through sexual intimacy… and you haven’t had this bliss for YEARS.
My video is compassionate and yet straight my friend. I know, like I KNOW you love your daughter, and yet I ask you to dive deeper and ask if your choice is truly in HER best interest given you’re teaching her what a man who settles looks like. You’re imprinting her being with a relationship that’s unsatisfactory. Perhaps a good intension has morphed into an excuse?
I boldly invite you to connect with me. I choose to honor your willingness to ask me a question with the gift of a complementary strategy session, for which I normally charge, for I am confident in the life transforming insights and healing energy my session will bring you. Email my [email protected] Subj: GMP sent me- Haven’t had sex in YEARS. Let’s connect and see if you are a fit for my coaching program to change all this in a lasting way.
Love, none of us are meant to do this on our own. I have a coach. Strike that. I have SEVERAL coaches. Anyone who coaches who isn’t being coached ought to be suspect. We all require support to live the high level lives of consciousness we’re committed to. On your own, you haven’t created a solution. That doesn’t mean you’re weak or broken, it means you require mentorship just like anyone up to something worth doing on this planet. I am here and curious to see if I am the best partner for you to change this… for you, for your daughter, for your wife, for your Legacy. Don’t give up 5 minutes before the miracle.
While waiting for your appointment, download my complementary report www.GetHerToSayYes.com which will show you how to speak up for your truth in a way women can hear, how to communicate effectively in a way that elicits respect, how to honor your needs, how to be a King and be adored by your Queen. Then let’s get to work. A marriage is on the line, your heart and soul and sacred erotic expression are on the line, and teaching your daughter what a noble badass really is… this is on the line.
I believe in you. So inspired that you reached out.
Sending so much love, Allana xoxo
Photo: www.BigStock.com
@brassyhub
Bout the saddest story I’ve ever heard…and I’ve heard a ton of them. I feel for ya, man.
@Mark Goblowsky
I hear ya. Lots of men do. Lots of good women do. Now we have to bludgeon society’s ears.
Thanks do. The fact that someone hears, you in particular really helps. Don’t worry about the Grammer or why. Smartphone typing and subsequent odd spellchecker is my archvillian and nemesis.
Overall?
I’ve listened to, literally, thousands upon thousands of men and women over the years.
Number one reason for disinterest in sex for men is that they’ve lost attraction for her. She let herself go, has gained weight, does not even try to look sexy anymore. “she’s not the woman I married”.
For women? They say that he stopped doing the little things, pays no attention, does not even try except for when they want sex. “He’s not the man that I married”.
Take it for what its worth.
@ DJ,
As always, the truth is somewhere in between.
..and sorry if you all have to slog through my grammar. On top of everything else I have an arm in a sling which makes my usual butchery of the written word that much more, er, interesting…
a story I’ve hear told thousands of times, Mark. this is one of the situations where male anger is wholly justified as what is being done to dad’s of divorce goes beyond sexist, to shameful…and there is absolutely no reason for it. It needs to change, and it needs to change post haste. I could go on and on explaining the many ways the system has been developed to work against both the well being of the father and the children, but on the good side, it is changing and there are now jurisdiction that hold joint legal and physical… Read more »
@Julia Byrd Once again, good catch, Jules as I want to be sure that the points I raise or lucid. I’m speaking of the extreme ends of the spectrum. I do not shun any man except those extremes. In fact, this is what is new to me. I’ve spent most of my time with those (lets say angrier men). Nothing wrong with male anger today. In fact, there is everything right with it. Its male rage that is the problem. One can see the difference pretty easily. They are the antithesis of the angry feminist, and just as impossible to… Read more »
I love your cheery optimism. But for some of us, there are no answers. Only choices. There is no solution. After long years in a happy but low-sex marriage, when I pushed and insisted on the need for change, my wife came out to herself and to me as a lesbian. Now an asexual lesbian: her long struggles with strong attractions to women friends has burnt out, burnt away any desire and any desire for desire. So I struggle to make do with cuddles, affection, friendship. And these are seriously precious things to have: we’re lucky to have that. But… Read more »
Brassyhub You are in a difficult situation. Somehow I wonder if your marriage actually is a marriage? It is my personal opinion that it is not a real marriage in the religous sense. I guess your pastor and you already have talked about that. I have two friends with the same experience. A women married a guy man ,without knowing it. And a man that married a lesbian woman. They both divorced and one of them has now been married to the great love of his life and sex is great they tell us :). Also a total mismatch of… Read more »
I was and still one of those uncle dad’s. You know. The crazy uncle they keep locked in the closet? Thank you so much, family justice center of Hennepin County. An oxymoron if I’ve heard one. Split up by a system that says it’s in the best interests of the children yet so far from that premise to be laughable if it already wasn’t taken over by cryable. My daughter was 7 when this debacle of visitation occurred. Because of the child support that was supposed to be for the kids was taken by mom, I worked 3 jobs at… Read more »
Hiya Silke, Thank you. I’m actually more into men’s outer issues, and rights then what we talk about here. This is more a hospital ship, and one does not fight a war with healers. In reading, however, I’m now aware that there are many disjointed men (and wounded women) out there. I’m also (now) aware that my way of being is more the archetype of traditional masculinity. With that, I figure that by “sharing” a bit of me I may help those guys that have felt that they are not “man enough”, and have been grappling with their masculine identity.… Read more »
@ DJ,
“……..and I’d rather do that with good, whole men then some of the jackwagons I see out there being angry, blaming women, and all manner of nonsense.”
While I can respect, appreciate, and understand your desire to spend time helping “whole” men, I think the greatest rewards are to had in helping those men whom you eschew.
We shall keep persevering in our own unique ways.
Cheers!!!!
🙂
I don’t buy the automatic love and confidence Allana is offering the writer. Sexual closure is such a complex issue. Not everyone can recover from this kind of relationship since so many factors come into play. So, the offer of coaching and mentoring looks more like a sales pitch. What’s a man to do with a woman who locks down, goes on strike and uses sex as a means of control to fight in the relationship? Five years? Hit the road Jack and don’t you go back no more. Maintain contact with your daughter. The courts will usually award access… Read more »
Now, though I fully agree with Allana as to what this man should do, it is the “can do” that troubles me, and I’d be remiss if I did not address such. If this man does leave his wife, he will also be divorced from his daughter, resolve himself to be a visiting parent, to see her perhaps once, maybe twice a week. He will no longer be there as her father, be there when she goes to sleep each night, or wakes up each morning. He will have to resolve himself to the position once noted as “uncle dad”… Read more »
-DJ-
Thank you, for sharing your inner thoughs,feelings and experience.
Ok, wow. Watched the vid…and I did not see that coming.
I’d lend opinion, but it have as much chance of scoring as Caroline did against Denver.
The caring and sensitivity of this man is only overshadowed by her encouragement and grace.
Is it inappropriate to hug the coach?
You are not the exception in this, you are nearly the rule. Of all the friends I had that were married (dozens of them from high school and college) the wife shut down sexually ……to them. and cheating her way through Cougartown She is invariable getting it else where, and it wouldn’t be too hard to find, my bet is two weeks of close inspection, and you will find it. Hell instead of investing in another counselling session, hire a Private Investigator.