James Michael Sama asks men to stand up against victim-blaming, after the recent attack of Christy Mack.
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For those of you who are unaware, Christy Mack is an “adult entertainment” star who is the former girlfriend of MMA fighter Jon Koppenhaver, otherwise known as “War Machine.”
This past Friday morning around 2:00am, Jon showed up at Christy’s Las Vegas home, after having left her and moved back to San Diego in May. The following is an account of the experience from Christy’s perspective (Source — also contains photos of Christy), and may be disturbing for some to read.
‘About 2 a.m. Friday morning, Jon Koppenhaver arrived unannounced to my home in Las Vegas, NV, after he broke up with me in May he moved out of my house and back to San Diego,’ Mack wrote on Twitter. ‘When he arrived, he found myself and one other fully clothed and unarmed in the house. Without a single word spoken, he began beating my friend; once he was finished, he sent my friend away and turned his attention to me.
‘He made me undress and shower in front of him, then dragged me out and beat my face. I have no recollection of how many times I was hit, I just know my injuries that resulted from my beating. My injuries include 18 broken bones around my eyes, my nose is broken in 2 places, I am missing teeth and several more are broken.’
The abuse present in this relationship is no secret, as Koppenhaver has spent time in jail before for assault, as well as multiple other incidents, including being publicly accused of being physically violent towards Christy before from her Twitter account (Tweets which she deleted shortly after, and Koppenhaver said she was “just kidding.”)
Needless to say, Koppenhaver has been released from promotional contracts because of his behavior. He also claims he was “fighting for his life” against the man he found in her apartment. While anything is possible, I think we can all agree this seems highly unlikely, especially given his history and profession. Furthermore, even if the other man was violent towards him, there is no possible excuse for what he did to Christy.
Even if she was cheating — she is a small woman and he is an MMA fighter with a history of violence. There is no excuse.
Now, to the point.
One of the major reasons I bring this up is because of a comment I saw on Facebook earlier. The comment read:
Those type of guy’s are not mentally fine and they need to see a therapist. But certain women do know how to pick them and love to be mistreated.
Hold on, what? Can you name one single woman who has ever actually enjoyed being mistreated, abused, or hospitalized with injuries sustained at the hands of her own boyfriend? What kind of nonsense is this?
It’s called victim-blaming. To say “Oh, she should’ve known better.” Or that she should have left him before things escalated to this point, is entirely missing the reality of domestic violence. Not to mention from what we understand in this case, the two weren’t even a couple anymore anyway.
The fact of the matter is that there are many signs of abuse that some people may miss until it’s too late, and there are also mental and emotional attachments that keep someone with an abuser that most of us will never understand.
But one thing we can understand is — nobody actually wants to be abused. To make comments like this is more than just a harmless statement on Facebook, it is perpetuating the idea that some people enjoy the situation they are in and are choosing it for themselves. In case you’re wondering, yes, I did say something to him.
Say what you want about Christy’s career choice or the character of Koppenhaver, but one fact remains: She didn’t want this, and she certainly didn’t deserve it. Nobody does.
If you, or someone you know, has been or is an ongoing victim of any kind of abuse, but especially physical please immediately take action to get help. We need to all stand together against these cowardly acts — especially us as men.
Men are the ones perpetuating the problem, and men will play a vital role in stopping it. Do not feel nervous about standing up and speaking out. Feel nervous about what will happen if you don’t.
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This article originally appeared on James Michael Sama’s Blog. You can follow him on Twitter here.
Photo credits: Twitter
Jonathan Koppenhaver has been apprehended in California.
http://www.cnn.com/2014/08/16/justice/mma-fighter-arrest/index.html?hpt=hp_t2
Based on his Twitter comments, I thought he was planning to commit suicide before being arrested. Oh well.
There’s a point of contention here: “…recalling the history of articles on GMP that address abuse of females, this will not produce a discussion on male responsibility… we need to ask ourselves why our culture likes to punish women and why both men and women buy into it.” The problem here is that this sets out the explicit criteria of a productive or meaningful conversation about abuse as only one that is framed around gender (precisely, a gender alignment where women are the victims, and men are the victimizers, because of their genders); As though the only worthwhile, meaningful, relevant… Read more »
@ Mostly_123 “The problem here is that this sets out the explicit criteria of a productive or meaningful conversation about abuse as only one that is framed around gender (precisely, a gender alignment where women are the victims, and men are the victimizers, because of their genders); As though the only worthwhile, meaningful, relevant or ‘true’ goal at all IS to produce & validate this gendered equation – one that rationalizes and justifies the clarion call for “male” responsibility on an absolute gender binary scale ” True, most articles on GMP discussing female on male abuse will their garner no… Read more »
Having some trouble with the page re-fresh here
This is clearly abuse, close to life threatening bodily harm can’t be seen as anything else. But there are two wider questions here that are being ignored, or blatantly denied. One: When does consent stop? Two: When does abuse start? Underneath these two questions is a far more important one: is it up to us as a society to determine that answers to these questions, or is it up to the individual or individuals involved? It’s easy to say ‘no one want’s to be abused’ or ‘women and men have been brainwashed into believing this’. Or that this is purely… Read more »
I agree that some people do look for abusive situations, maybe it’s to do with thrill seeking or high energy dramatic relationships. None of it excuses DV though and it doesn’t sound like Christy enjoyed the abuse. Even if she enjoyed it in a controlled setting, this was uncontrolled, no consent, etc and thus wrong.
“We need to all stand together against these cowardly acts — especially us as men. Men are the ones perpetuating the problem, and men will play a vital role in stopping it.” Yes, men should s[peak out against victim blaming even when the victim is male and the perpetrator is female. I just recently called out a female commentator on an article about the Mauvette Mattadeen case. She suggested that he must have done something to deserve her blinding him in one eye and causeing him to lose hearing in an ear by pouring hot oil on him. The fact… Read more »
I think we all agree that both men and women need to stand up against violence and that DV by ANY perpetrator is 100% wrong and NO victim should be blamed.
That being said, James is speaking about a male Facebook commenter and comments he’s seen relating to this case.
@ Joanna Schroeder Yet the victim blaming takes different forms. In the case of men abused by women, they are assumed to have deserved it. Look at the Jodi Arias case. People may not believe her, but I’ve yet to see her claims that Travis Alexander abused her to be victim blaming. It’s considered to be legitimate even by progressives. In this case, I get the feeling that he isn’t actually making the case that she deserved what happened to her. I don’t see his comment as addressing the Mack case specifically, but as a general statement on women who… Read more »
I agree completely that this safety net needs to be open to men as well as women. And it would be centuries in coming. I have seen men abused at the hands of women and it is no less horrifying. We need to wake up and address this problem. That said, your comment, “Are there no shelters?” reminded me of Dickens: “Are there no poorhouses?” Just one other thought: here in Denver Colorado there is a two m month waiting list for women who are in danger of physical abuse or repeated physical abuse to enter safe housing. They must… Read more »
Yet the victim blaming takes different forms. In the case of men abused by women, they are assumed to have deserved it. Look at the Jodi Arias case. People may not believe her, but I’ve yet to see her claims that Travis Alexander abused her to be victim blaming. It’s considered to be legitimate even by progressives. That is an odd thing isn’t it. If you look at other high profile cases of women killing or injuring their husbands/boyfriends you see the same. Mary Winkler, Lorenna Bobbit, Clara Harris, Katherine Keau Decker etc… They committed their acts of violence and… Read more »
Even if she was cheating — she is a small woman and he is an MMA fighter with a history of violence. There is no excuse. According to the source article, Mack said “Jon Koppenhaver arrived unannounced to my home in Las Vegas, NV, after he broke up with me in May he moved out of my house and back to San Diego.” So apparently, whatever relationship had ended months before the attack. But I am wondering why you said “she is a small woman and he is an MMA fighter with a history of violence. There is no excuse.”… Read more »
James – recalling the history of articles on GMP that address abuse of females, this will not produce a discussion on male responsibility. Although I appreciate you saying it. Statistics about how men are abused are bound to pop up in response to this article. Comments about how women abuse too will be made too. You’ll also get, “But most men aren’t abusive, it’s only a small amount.” and “I’m not an abusive man so it’s not my responsibility.” I will say that addressing the tendency to blame victims for their abuse is a very important topic. There is a… Read more »
You say that pornography is verbally, physically and emotionally abusive towards women. So a woman who freely chooses to pursue this as a career as Christy did is wrong? It smacks of paternalism, if not hypocrisy.
Let’s keep this conversation about victim-blaming and the attack upon Christy Mack.
Thanks.