I quickly snapped out of my contemplation when Ricky returned and handed me a steaming mug of fresh coffee. I took another deep breath. “We’ve talked a lot about these kids and their families,” I said. “But, if you’re okay with it, I’d love to hear your story.”
♦◊♦
“Well, I started serving full-time in ‘82 through ’85, with Christian Care Centre, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia,” he began. “I participated in a Disciple Training School with Youth with a Mission in Singapore and later served as an associate pastor in Full Gospel Assembly in Singapore and Malaysia for several years before coming here in ‘93. I graduated from Bethany College of Missions in America in ’88, with a degree in Missions and Theology.”
“I was able to gather most of that from your website,” I joked. “I’d love to know more about young Ricky, though. About your time in Malaysia, about your own parents.” Just then his son walked into the room, introduced himself, and sat down at the dining room table a few feet behind us.
“The second time I tried to kill myself was a few years later,” Ricky said. “At the time, Malaysia’s school system was based on automatic promotion. This meant that no matter how you did, you advanced until you reached the 10th grade. There you’d have a load of kids in over their heads and unable to read at a 10th-grade level, if at all. I was one of them. Wasn’t able to seriously read and comprehend what I read until I was 21, or so. So, there I was, barely 16, with no skills and too far behind in school. I dropped out.”
“What did you do? How did you get by?” I asked.
“I ran with the wrong crew, a gang I guess. I pushed drugs, broke into homes, stole. I trained in Muay Thai kickboxing for a few months around this time and wanted to go pro. I was completely aimless. It didn’t take long before I started using. I used every drug I could get my hands on.”
“Where was your family at this point? Was there a breakdown?”
“Yeah, I guess there was. My mother died when I was six. My father was living with another family. Thank God, I had two good sisters. So, there were times where I felt alone, you know. Without a family, without a job.”
♦◊♦
A gang or otherwise like-minded crew of dropouts can fulfill these two primary needs. At once a gang both welcomes members as family and employs them as workers. Acceptance is essentially contingent on want, proximity, and availability (being jobless). Employment is the willingness to steal and deal. It’s danger sheathed in the artifice of family, of safety. Danger sheathed as safety is far more dangerous than unsheathed danger.
The result is that the stealing and the dealing do not feel as dangerous as they actually are. Everyone around you is doing it, and they can relate with your hardships. It’s why financially struggling artists feel a bit better when they have the support and community of other financially struggling artists. With security and a job, it’s easy to go months without seeing your next-door neighbor, but the gang is tight. Within the close dynamics of a gang, decisions are often made for the benefit of the gang, with the unspoken hope that the trickle down “what is good for them is good for me” happens. More often than not, however, the “us” concept disintegrates in a gang because so many individuals come and go, enter clean, start using, vanish, or are banished.
The needs of self often trump the needs of group, especially in the disjointed, disconnected world in which we live. That’s one reason why we’re drawn to the news stations that support what we already believe. It’s one reason why community engagement is perhaps at its lowest level even though the world’s population is rising. The war against modern-day slavery is tough to wage in the face of a climbing population and the climbing poverty resulting from it. Many efforts to increase the public’s awareness of modern-day slavery may be countered by the numbers game and the slave owner’s increasing ability to hide what they do. In order to battle modern-day slavery, we must acknowledge this.
♦◊♦
“At 18, I did six months in prison, and apparently didn’t learn a thing from it,” Ricky continued. “As soon as I got out, my friends took me out for some ‘freebies,’ and just like that I was back to being an addict.”
“Were you always on the run from the police?”
“Oh yeah. You know, the thing about being an addict is that you are always either thinking about getting caught, thinking about using, or thinking about quitting. Nothing else even enters your mind. Nothing else matters. There was one time where some of us were fitting heroin into straws—we’d light it and inhale the smoke—and a police raid burst in. I was the only one caught, and the police cuffed me. I wrestled out of their grasp and took off down a dark alley. They couldn’t open fire because there were too many houses around. I hid that night and slept with my cuffs on. In the morning a friend sawed them off. That’s the kind of life we lived.”
“There was one time where some of us were fitting heroin into straws—we’d light it and inhale the smoke—and a police raid burst in. I was the only one caught, and the police cuffed me. I wrestled out of their grasp and took off down a dark alley. They couldn’t open fire because there were too many houses around. I hid that night and slept with my cuffs on. In the morning a friend sawed them off.”
|
“Do you still keep in touch with any of the ‘we’ you refer to?”
Ricky paused. “Actually, no, I don’t. You know what? They are either dead or in prison. We all went separate ways.”
“And how were you able to quit, Ricky? How were you the one who made it?”
“Friends introduced me to the teachings of Jesus and, I don’t know, I finally started taking the teachings seriously. At first going to church just provided me with a safe place while I was still using. I knew the police wouldn’t come, plus, after service I got to meet all the girls in church. A win-win. Eventually, though, I started seeing myself as a sinner.” He picked up the Bible on the table and flipped to a page. “This verse in Corinthians gave me a revelation of understanding,” he said as he handed it to me. “Read it out loud.”
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” I said.
“Yes. You see? I didn’t have to carry guilt and be depressed and continue sinning. I could be given a second chance. I could be born again. I realized that I had a choice. I chose not to sin. In my case, to destroy my body with drugs, to lie, to steal, to cheat.”
“Some people say that once you are an addict you are always an addict. Even if they are not using they feel the addict quality is within them. Do you ever feel that?” I asked.
“No, no,” he said. “‘The old has gone; the new has come.’”
Both of our smiles turned to laughter, and the mood lightened. I felt comfortable enough to ask if he’s experienced any animosity from others, especially within the Catholic Church, for his helping of the older children who, willingly or unwillingly, engaged in “homosexual acts.”
“Not so much,” he said. “But then again I’m working primarily with kids. Some of my friends are helping homosexual adult males who have contracted HIV/AIDS, and they struggle quite a bit more in trying to get members of the church to help them out. Homosexual adult males, especially those with HIV/AIDS, are considered by some to be the absolute scum of the earth. I don’t know,” Ricky said as he took a long, slow drink of his coffee, “whatever my beliefs, I try to see people not just as their weaknesses. I mean, look at me. Look at the stuff I did when I was younger. We are all human, Cameron. It doesn’t matter what we’ve done or will do. We are all human.”
♦◊♦
Ricky looked down at his watch. Just then we heard the faint sound of children talking and laughing in the distance. They grew louder. We both smiled. No matter the country or language, the sound of groups of children leaving school is always the same. “Let’s go hang out with the kids,” he said. I followed him out the door, and as we were both slipping our shoes on, he leaned closer to me and whispered, “You know, even when I was in America I always had this intention to come back to Asia to try give back what I took. I’ll never be able to fully make up for my past wrongs, but that doesn’t mean I won’t stop trying.”
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People should read the article linked below. Now.
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.miaminewtimes.com%2F2011-11-03%2Fnews%2Flost-boys-child-sex-trafficking-research-demolishes-the-stereotype%2F&h=FAQEKK_stAQGQbVdnzFFQwwn5Q7QZQXLYbvk95REe5wDtnw
TL;DR version: of the probable 3000 minors in New York, selling sex, only 10% have a pimp or are in what could be called a trafficking situation.
If you’re interested in helping kids who are in sex work, the first place to start is taking a long hard look at the conditions most of them face.
4000 minors. Excuse. About half of them boys, by the way.
you are really a good webmaster. The site loading speed is incredible. It seems that you are doing any unique trick. Also, The contents are masterpiece. you’ve done a wonderful job on this topic!
child sex slavery is bad. The gmp has some balls saying it. Who else but everyone on earth would challenge the child sex slavery imaginary juggernaut?
I know, Joe. Isn’t it brave of people to take a stand on this horrible issue? I mean, it’s not like the U.S. pumps 80 million dollars annually into this issue and finds, on the average, 200 children being pimped each year (that’s an expenditure of 400,000 bucks per kids, folks. Remember that next time they’re talking about budget cuts taking out schools in your neighborhood).
I’m particularly impressed with the number of celebrities, ex-celebrites and almost, would-be celebrities who’ve discovered this issue when their careers need sprucing up.
Jacobtk, I think the neglect or abuse of a mother OR father to a child is damaging. My father wasn’t abusive but he wasn’t around much because he was always working. And when he was done with work, he was so tired physically, mentally and emotionally. I spent too many years seeking attention and validation from boys and men that didn’t care much about me other then to get their needs met first. And I was so desperate for any kind of attention, I happily took it. I am not saying that my situation was nearly as bad as child… Read more »
Mothers and fathers are equally important to the development of children, but when it comes to abuse, abuse committed by women, especially mothers, tends to have more impact on a child.
Abuse committed by any parent, male or female, is determental to a child. And if you are going to qualify abuse by women as “worse”, then you can’t also claim that you think fathers are equally important to the development of a child. Because by saying that abuse committed by mothers is worse, then you are also saying that mothers are more imiportant to the development of chidlren then fathers. Catch 22 you have there Jacobtk.
Erin…
Yes ANY kind of abuse is detrimental, but what you seem to be refusing to understand, is that maternal abuse and parenting style have their own UNIQUE negative consequences.
Have a look —
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/12/the-science-of-success/7761/
There is new research from Norway that suggests that female pedophiles cause more damage than the male counter-parts, article here
htt p://translate.google.com/translate?js=n&prev=_t&hl=sv&ie=UTF-8&layout=2&eotf=1&sl=sv&tl=en&u=http://genusnytt.wordpress.com/2011/06/14/kvinnliga-pedofiler-orsakar-barn-storre-skada/
Natasha, the thesis of the article is in regards to parenting in general, genes and the affects of negative or positive parenting. However, there is nothing in there that says abuse committed by mothers is worse vs abuse committed by fathers. So I am not so sure what you think you are proving because I completely acknowledge that abusive mothers gravely hurt their children However that wasn’t the complete conversation Jacob and I where having which has more to do with abusive mothers vs abusive fathers and one being “worse” then the other. A Man, please send that story to… Read more »
That’s a silly and emotional argument Erin. My showing that article to a victim of a male pedophile won’t change the results of the research in any way. I can tell you are a good girl mean well bit discounting the research and if its correct, the lived experience of victims of female pedophiles, who tend to be younger when targeted and related to their abusers isn’t fair.
Which part was “silly and emotional” A Man? I completely expect that you won’t be able to answer this because there is nothing silly or emotional in my argument. Our conversation had nothing to do with “changing the results of the “research” of your article. Qualifying abuse? Come on. I can’t even get the link to your article to come up so who knows if it even really is there. But if you want to be clearer about the link, please post it again so I can see it. I still stand by my statement. Ask a person abused by… Read more »
Erin. You are making an emotional argument, you are saying that I shouldn’t repeat what the article is saying about female pedophiles because it might upset victims of male pedophiles. Here, follow this link, there are links from it to both the original article and a translation. “‘Women who are sexually abusing children causing their victims more injuries than men. It writes the Norwegian newspaper Bergens time. They quote four researchers at the Psychology Faculty at the University of Bergen, who has written an article about it in the Journal of the Norwegian Psychological Association. Women abuse is similar to… Read more »
Yeah, I said no such thing A man. What I did say is that you should ask someone abused by a man if they were less affected by that abuse then someone abused by a woman, and see what they say. Directly from the source. I do not believe abuse commited by a woman is “worse” than by a man. Just as I don’t believe abuse commited by a man is “worse” then by a woman. Abuse commited by any one, man or woman, toward a child is disturbing and disgusting. Qualifying that one is worse then other is akin… Read more »
In my experience, Patrick Cooper’s remarks prove true. Children who experience neglect or abuse by their mothers tend to have difficulty forms bonds. I think part of the reason for this is because of the nature of the bond between mother and child. The mother is usually the first person the child learns to bond with. If that bond is damaged, destroyed, or impeded, then the child may never learn how to properly bond with people at all. It takes a long time to break through that. Speaking from personal experience, I still have difficulty forming bonds with people. I… Read more »
While this story is very insightful and interesting I am wondering why this was classified as a sex/relationship story? Maybe gmp needs a few more categories…
gmp is the most absurd site on the entire internet. Nobody on earth is in favor of child sex slavery. If gmp published the address of someone who was we’d know it’s time to go kill that person. GMP is just some sort of absurd posturing, though. Just BS here.
Sexual trafficking is the second largest black market money maker in the world and affects more than a hundred thousand children in the U.S., but you’re right, talking about it is so unnecessary. Pedophiles aren’t real and men looking for a quick lay always card their sex workers for age verification.
We have no idea, at all, how many children are affected by sexual trafficking in the U.S.
First of all, it depends on what you mean by trafficking: child sexual abuse is illegal, but not all child sexual abuse is trafficking.
Secondly, recent research out there indicates it’s hardly 100,000 kids. Excleent new research in NYC indicates that about 3000 minors there sell sex, but only 10% of them have pimps – or are in what would be called a trafficking situation.
Check out the info here:
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.miaminewtimes.com%2F2011-11-03%2Fnews%2Flost-boys-child-sex-trafficking-research-demolishes-the-stereotype%2F&h=FAQEKK_stAQGQbVdnzFFQwwn5Q7QZQXLYbvk95REe5wDtnw
“Child sex trafficking research demolished stereotypes.”