Building and nurturing a loving relationship isn’t difficult. What makes it so hard are all the games we play.
I love games as much as the next sucker, but there comes a point where you have to say, “Enough is enough.”
Games are meant to be enjoyed, but once you surpass that threshold, they become both pointless and hurtful.
Everybody plays games; hell, life is one big game. We each makes moves, take risks, do things just to see if we get our desired result — to see if we can make it past this level of life and on to the next.
With each new challenge comes an opportunity for victory.
When it comes to dating, we likewise play games. We do our best to keep this balance of letting the other person know we care for them but not so much so as to make him or her feel as if there’s no chance of losing us.
People want what they don’t have. If you have what you want, you cease to want it; it’s our animalistic nature.
So, in a sense, in order for us to keep the feeling of wanting alive, we need to play games in a relationship.
You need to keep things fun, keep things unpredictable, playful, exciting.
You want to keep your partner on the edge between knowing you will love them forever and fearing losing you.
These are healthy games. We then have other sorts of games — games that don’t help nourish a loving relationship but that ruin it.
These games are unfortunately very common in most relationships and usually are the cause of the breakup.
While I know men manage to screw things up in their own way, as I only date women, I’m a bit prejudice.
What I can say for sure is the more interesting the woman, the more games she’s likely to play.
Which is great for a bit. Until it’s not.
At the end of the day, all a man wants is a woman who doesn’t need to play games in order to function within a relationship, a woman who leaves the games to be played where they ought to be played: in the bedroom.
All I want is a woman who speaks her mind and does so intelligently. I don’t think I’m the only one.
There’s no guessing (or second-guessing) involved.
We can’t read your mind, ladies. Sure, some of us are better at picking up slight signals, physical cues, etc., than others, but most men — most people, really — aren’t very good at this sort of thing.
Most people will only understand what you’re saying if you use your words.
You can’t expect a guy who isn’t good at reading such cues to read them.
Whatever love may be, it’s certainly not a private line where your thoughts are transferred into your man’s mind.
Just because he loves you doesn’t mean he understands what you’re thinking solely from the way you look and act.
Just because your man can’t pick up your hints and act on them doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.
He may just not be capable of that which you’re expecting him to be capable of.
It’s not his fault. It’s not something most people pick up on without training.
If you are looking for someone who can make it seem as if he’s reading your mind, then you’re going to have to find someone either with military training — preferably in espionage — or some other sort of borderline sociopath/genius.
Or… you could just use your words. I know it sounds crazy, but give it a try. You may like the results.
There would be no more indecision.
Maybe you don’t mean to be so difficult. Maybe you really think you can’t make up your mind, but the truth is it’s a decision, so you can.
You can make decisions — I promise. How? By making them. There’s nothing more to it.
You have a few options, and then you choose one. How you choose doesn’t matter to us — just decide.
Maybe you think it’s cute. And maybe it was at some point in the relationship. What I can promise you is it gets old really, really quick.
I’d love a woman who could pick a restaurant, pick a place to go on vacation, choose the color of the paint for the bedroom without having a mental breakdown.
I’m sure this isn’t all women — you can never generalize like this accurately. Yet I’d say that 95 percent of the women I know have this issue.
And yes, it is an issue. What’s worse is when a woman can’t decide whether or not she wants to be with you.
Whether or not you’re the right man for her. Whether or not she actually loves you.
These sorts of women are the cruelest, letting you know they don’t know — crushing your heart in the process. Where are all the women who know what they want in a man and from life?
Most of the time I think women don’t want to make decisions because they don’t want to be blamed if things go wrong. But maybe I’m just imagining that.
When there’s a problem, she’d tell you.
If something is bothering you, tell us.
Then after you tell us, explain it to us. And after you explain it to us, discuss it with us.
Relationships only work when there is an open dialogue between partners.
When couples stop discussing their issues, stop explaining themselves to each other, making sure both parties completely understand where the other is coming from, relationships hit rocky shores.
It’s not just about speaking your mind but doing so in a way that’s tactful, allowing for discussion, analyzation and a mutual understanding ending in resolution.
If you aren’t willing to talk to us, understand where we stand and help us understand where you’re coming from, then don’t expect the relationship to work.
I’m sure many guys have this issue as well, but so do most of the women I’ve dated.
Nobody wants to talk about their problems, as if not talking about them will make them disappear.
In reality, all that happens is that tension builds up until you break at the seams.
Building and nurturing a loving relationship isn’t a difficult thing to do. What makes it so difficult are all the games we play.
The games we play with our partners, as well as the games we play with ourselves and our lives.
Sometimes we choose to play games where everybody loses… and for what? A brief moment of excitement?
You need to know what you want in life, why you want it and how you can get it while being a part of a loving relationship. Otherwise, just stop dating.
By Paul Hudson
Originally published at Elite Daily. Reprinted with permission.
Paul Hudson is a young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson (@MrPaulHudson) has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. He primarily addresses the successes and downfalls of love and life.