Premature ejaculation is the most common sexual dysfunction in men. According to the 2011 Global Online Sexuality Survey, around 30% of the men in the United States are dealing with some form of premature ejaculation.
Premature ejaculation can be incredibly frustrating for both the man and his partner, but it can be quickly treated using sexual behavioral therapy exercises.
Therapy exercises for premature ejaculation
The key to overcoming premature ejaculation is to develop an awareness of the feelings that precede an orgasm and to use this awareness to delay ejaculation
The main difference between a man with premature ejaculation and a man with a standard ejaculatory control is the inability to identify the fast-forwarding orgasm. When a man can’t sense the approaching orgasm, he cannot do anything to delay it.
Behavioral therapy for PE contains masturbation and full-penetration exercises. The logic behind these exercises is to practice reaching the “point of no return” that precedes orgasm and then to cease stimulation.
There are different techniques and treatment protocols that can be used, and it mainly depends on your therapist’s preference.
This treatment method was developed in 1956 by the urologist Dr. James Semans and was further developed by leading sex therapists.
Why it is important for your partner to be a part of therapy
Many couples encounter sexual difficulties. After a long period of dealing with PE, in addition to their personal situation (children, work, stress, etc.), many couples reduce the frequency of sexual relations or cease them completely. The difficulties encountered in sexual relations can lead to accumulated anger in the couple. Despite the difficulty, it is important to understand that even though you can start therapy alone, going through therapy with your partner can be quite beneficial for your relationship!
Why you should include your partner in therapy
1. Strengthen your relationship – PE negatively affects relationships. Research shows that women in relationships with men who suffer from PE experience less sexual satisfaction, but more importantly, the man’s anxiety might lead to decreased intimacy and increased stress in the relationship. The satisfaction that you will feel after overcoming PE will improve both your sex life and the relationship.
2. She will appreciate your effort – Many men fear that their partner will appreciate them less if they admit to a problem or show weakness, but in most cases, the opposite is true. Most women will feel closer and more loving toward a man who shares his emotions. You might be surprised, but in my experience, many women will gladly participate and appreciate your openness. In many cases, your partner will see this as a step that has great potential for bringing you closer, improving your relationship, and creating better intimacy.
3. Experience better results – Even though there is a treatment protocol for single men, I advise most of my coupled patients to practice the exercises with their partner. In my experience, couple’s therapy has a better success rate. I also encourage my single patients to start therapy alone but to be open to the idea of finding a partner to practice with.
4. Don’t go through it alone – Why be in a relationship if you can’t have your partner’s support? Dealing with premature ejaculation is not easy, and therapy takes time and effort. Doing therapy together means you can encourage each other when things get tough; after all, your success is her success, too.
Tips for a successful treatment
Here is a list of tips for both you and your partner:
For the man:
1. Pay attention to your partner after practice – This is one of the most important points. When you are finished with the exercise, pay attention to your partner (even if you feel embarrassed or want to move away). If you turn around and fall asleep, leave the room, or run straight to the shower, your partner might be offended. Be considerate, and show appreciation for her efforts.
2. Be appreciative of your partner – Make your partner feel good so that she will feel motivated to invest back in you. If you do not know what makes her feel good, ask. If what makes her feel good is that you cook her a romantic dinner, spend more time with the children, or return earlier from work – do it. It is important that you invest in your partner just as she does in you. It would be hard to perform such a gentle exercise without a warm and loving relationship outside of the bedroom.
3. Satisfy your partner sexually before or after the exercise – It is important to satisfy your partner before or after the exercise (if she wants). Do it in the way she likes—manually, orally, or with a vibrator. Taking care of her needs will increase her willingness to participate in the exercises and be more accepting of the overall exercises routine. If she is not interested, don’t feel hurt or rejected. She might agree when she is in the mood.
For the Partner:
1. Don’t blame him – PE is not dependent on your partner’s willingness. Most likely, your partner truly wants to control his ejaculation, enjoy sex, and pleasure you. It is not his fault or yours. The inability to control the ejaculation reflex is common. The causes of premature ejaculation are varied, but according to one commonly accepted explanation, there is a connection between PE and the level of serotonin in the brain. If this level is too low, it might lead to PE (unfortunately, there is no way of measuring these levels). Your partner has no control over it, and he is probably insecure about it.
2. Be caring, supporting, and loving toward your partner – You will benefit from the treatment by caring for your man, showing patience and openness, and being genuine in placing the aim of the treatment as your goal. Men might feel great anxiety, frustration, and embarrassment from PE. Your man needs you as a supporting and loving anchor in his life with an emphasis on your love life. Show understanding toward him; he is in a hard situation and is revealing this weakness to you. Avoid criticism and negative comments, encourage him, and show empathy. This will help him gain better control over the ejaculation reflex.
3. Be patient – Starting and stopping sexual stimulation during penetration might be frustrating; you might find it difficult as it can lead to reduced excitement or vaginal dryness. Remember, if you follow the exercises, you will see results within weeks.
Where to seek treatment
To find a sex therapist near you, visit the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists or the Society for Sex Therapy and Research.
You can also learn to improve your ejaculatory control by using online resources like the PE Program.
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