If you had to guess, how much time do you spend thinking about the past? What about the present? The future? During a recent conversation with my wife, I realized something I had never thought about before: about 95% of my thoughts are about the future. But when I stop to think about it, most of the conversations I have with other people, they are discussing events that have either already taken place or just happened.
It makes sense. Something that just happened or is happening right now makes for easy small talk. Plans, predictions, and thoughts about the future have a tendency to be more personal and intimate — not just “water cooler” talk.
The past and present have the power to shape who we are in so many ways. Any serious trauma can change a person’s whole trajectory in life — like the loss of a loved one, a painful divorce, or a devastating diagnosis. But success can have the same effect — like winning the lottery or finding a soul mate. All of these events help create our sense of identity. When someone asks us about ourselves, they’re the things we tend to think of first.
Things happening in the present influence us in a way that’s not so different from those in the past. The things or people we’re interested in and the problems we’re facing (finances, relationships, work-related), can capture and hold our attention even when we’d rather not be thinking about them.
By contrast, it’s more challenging to see or talk about things through the lens of whatever hasn’t happened yet. People do think and talk about the future — but, given the proven benefits we could all benefit from adopting the practice of doing so more often.
How to Frame Your Future-Mindedness
Some of us are affected by something referred to as “optimism bias.” When under its spell, we overestimate the likelihood of positive events in our future and underestimate the likelihood of negative ones.
Optimism bias is often categorized as a faulty thought process or an error in judgment. It can be problematic at the extreme end of the spectrum — which is the case for people addicted to gambling or smoking.
The gambler discounts their losses and focuses on the belief that a winning streak is just around the corner, even though the likelihood is very low. Smokers tend to err on the side of optimism, mostly believing they won’t get cancer, even though the statistics show otherwise.
Optimism bias can actually have some very real advantages. People who think positively about their future, even without any evidence to support their predictions, are happier, less stressed, and ultimately live longer, healthier lives. Go figure, right?
Pessimism bias also is a real thing. These people believe that if a piano falls out of a five-story window, it would most likely fall on them. If they get a cancer diagnosis with a 75% chance of recovery, they are certain they won’t live. If you are someone who tends to believe the worst will be the most likely scenario in your case, you could benefit from some of these exercises:
One way to leverage the power of positive, future-oriented thinking is to exercise a little self-discipline. Here’s a tip: every time a thought about the past or a concern rooted in the present arises, try replacing it with an intention for the future. It might revolve around not making a mistake similar to one you’ve made before, or it might be an actionable step to help solve a current problem you’re facing.
Reeling from a painful breakup? Been there. But if you turn your thoughts to the future and decide you won’t date that kind of person again, you can reduce the pain and feel more optimistic. Stressed out by credit card bills? Carve out an hour this week to write down a plan that will get you out of debt.
Another option is to write down several future plans, thus creating a pathway to success in the area you are concerned about — and then follow it. Using the breakup example above, write down the exact type of person you want to be with and all their traits — then work out the best way to meet that person. Worried about bills? Decide on an action plan to both make more money and to spend less. Work out a goal of exactly when in the future you want it to be taken care of and then take the steps to make it happen. Now, you are working in the future and not worrying about the present, or regretting the past.
Researchers are still busy uncovering the origins, significance, and potential of future-mindedness. There doesn’t need to be a scientific consensus, though, for us to apply it to our lives and start taking advantage of its benefits. Like any skill, the ability to positively affect our future using this kind of mental time-travel will only improve with practice. So the sooner you start, the better.
—
This post is republished on Medium.
***
The Good Men Project gives people the insights, tools, and skills to survive, prosper and thrive in today’s changing world. A world that is changing faster than most people can keep up with that change. A world where jobs are changing, gender roles are changing, and stereotypes are being upended. A world that is growing more diverse and inclusive. A world where working towards equality will become a core competence. We’ve built a community of millions of people from around the globe who believe in this path forward. Thanks for joining The Good Men Project.
Support us on Patreon and we will support you and your writing! Tools to improve your writing and platform-building skills, a community to get you connected, and access to our editors and publisher. Your support will help us build a better, more inclusive world for all.
***