I was a fan of the ABC detective TV series “Spenser: For Hire” (1985 – 88) starring the late Robert Urich and Avery Brooks. Robert played former boxer turned private investigator Spenser, who’d quote Lord Byron albeit in context. Avery Brooks played Hawk, the succinct, shaved-head, African American “enforcer”. Spenser and Hawk were respected friends, most of the time and sometimes mortal rivals. What bound them was their code, their code of honor. The enigmatic Hawk was my “guy”. He wore his fly leather suit. He feared no man. He was so cool.
In one episode, Hawk and Spenser were forced to battle each other: Hawk was protecting his dear friend. Obviously, they resolved their conflict with neither hurting the other too seriously.
In the epilogue, Hawk and Spenser acknowledge one another:
Hawk: Man not proud. Man not worth knowing.
Spenser: Amen to that.
Spenser and Hawk would go on to fight another day. At least for more episodes, over three seasons.
I always took what Hawk said to heart: “Man not proud. Man not worth knowing.” Over the years, I distinguish between the prideful man and the proud man. The prideful man thinks way too much of himself, is arrogant, believing that others are actually lesser than himself.
On the other hand, the proud man is one who accepts who he is, both strengths and frailty. He is confident in who he is, who he is being for others. He never condescends. He respects others and himself. He lives by the code that honors the greater than in others. The proud man is genuinely proud of himself and others.
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Over the past two years, I’ve worked with Lieutenant Jon on a Government Satellite Program. I met Jon on his first assignment in the Air Force. He had just graduated from college with a Bachelors in Mechanical Engineering. I’ve been in the Government Satellite System Engineering industry for almost 30 years. Yeah, I was old enough to be Jon’s Dad. But I wasn’t. Rather, that wasn’t my job. I was there not to teach, per se. Rather, my job was to be his guide.
22-year-old Jon was bright, good-looking, athletic, and driven. Jon dreamed of becoming a doctor. Specifically, he wanted to be an Emergency Room physician. He took additional classes at the local University. He got certified as a paramedic. I told him straight up that I would help him with anything he needed to fulfill his dream. Above all, Jon was a good man, a decent human being. He makes his parents proud.
In our two years together, we doused a lot of programmatic ‘fires’, resolving them for the most part. Jon always had an innovative way of looking at problems. I made sure I never said, “Back in my day, we’d…” I wanted Jon to always keep the bigger picture in mind, something I got from my Thesis Advisor, Dr. Tom. Jon graciously granted me permission to guide him in this System Engineering path.
Jon got accepted to medical school. Now, he’s leaving to begin the new chapter in his bright young life. Honestly, I love Jon. I told him, “I’m so proud of you.” In a phone conversation, I said, “You kept me young.” Jon said, “Thank you. You kept me on the right path.” Yeah, I got my job done. His acknowledgment touched me more than you know.
At Jon’s Farewell Party, I got to say “goodbye” to him. Jon told me how proud he was of our long hours of hard work, and what we accomplished. I gave him a big hug. I said, “You make me proud.” I may have dropped a couple of tears.
I’ll never be a father. Though, I’m proud of Jon as if he were my son. I’m blessed having Jon as part of my legacy. Perhaps, I made a difference here. For that I’m grateful. I’m proud.
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One of my Heroes is the late Claire Wineland, Cystic Fibrosis activist. Claire passed away following lung transplant surgery a couple of years ago. Wise beyond her 22 years on Planet Earth, Claire said, “Have your life be a piece of art.” Amen. She also said, “Have a life that you’re proud of.” Amen. Amen.
Yes, I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished, who I have been in my life, so far. Mostly, I’m proud of those who contributed to who I am. I am proud to be Mizukami Sensei’s student. Sensei saw the greater in me when I didn’t. He taught me to be an honorable man with character. I’m proud to be my mom’s son. She showed me that a good man has heart and deep feelings within. I’m proud to be friends with John and Chuck, who distinguished for me the possibility of what a good father can be. I’m the proud friend of Cheryl, who taught me about wabi-sabi: The beauty and possibility in our imperfection. Cheryl also showed me that kindness is true power.
I’m proud of my life. Mostly, I’m proud and grateful for those I’ve gotten to experience the journey with. I think we all create our infinities within our lifetimes. I am proud of the infinity I’ve created with them.
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Have you read the original anthology that was the catalyst for The Good Men Project? Buy here: The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood
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