When it comes to the things that we do in our lives we can choose to be very wishy-washy about how we do things and at the root of things, the words we use are key to how we do things. The words we use with others and the words that we use with ourselves.
Our thoughts translate into feelings that can influence our actions. At the deepest level, it’s all about words.
That’s why we should be selective about the type of words that we use. Taking true ownership and responsibility for our lives begins with the words that we use some words signify responsibility and some words abdicate us with responsibility.
This one word is an example of abdicating responsibility. Wherever you can it’s key to remove it from your vocabulary as much as possible.
That word is ‘try’.
You might not think it’s that important but trust me, it is.
I think about every time I told myself or people that I knew that I would ‘try’ to do something:
“I’ll try to make your event.”
“I’ll try to do better next time.”
“I’ll try to work harder on the next project.”
“I’ll try to remember that in the future.”
Sometimes I came through with what I said I was trying to do but a lot of the time, I didn’t. Sometimes I said I would try but I know in my heart that I probably wouldn’t come through I wanted to make it seem like there was a chance I would.
But you can see how was is doing myself and the people around me a disservice. It would have been best if I was honest about whether I could or couldn’t do the thing or made it clear that I would come through with the thing and pushed myself to follow through with it.
We must be honest with ourselves, the word ‘try’ gives us a mental loophole in our minds to not come through with what we promise ourselves. We know the truth and our mind can do whatever it can to convince ourselves to not do what is necessary in favour of what is easy.
Your mind would say — “Yeah, I said you would try to make that event but I can’t be bothered to make the effort to get ready, take the journey, and go. Anyway, I didn’t say I would definitely come, I said I would try to come. I tried to make it but I don’t think I’ll be able to.”
Meanwhile, you probably didn’t make anywhere near the effort you convinced yourself that you made.
The word ‘try’ can fool you into thinking you’ve put in the work but really you haven’t done much of anything. It removes the accountability from you and keeps you in a cycle of mediocrity because you don’t have to work and follow through with what you promise, you just have to ‘try’ to follow through.
Society likes to absolve us of not being our best because we ‘tried’. When in reality if we weren’t our best then it’s important we honestly take account of that, embrace the pain of failure and work better next time to ensure we don’t feel the pain again.
Life works with the principles that either you do what you say you will do/want to do, or you won’t. There’s no space in between that. If I don’t do it then it’s my responsibility to do what I need to do the next time or I accept the consequences of not doing so.
Imagine how much different it is when I say –
“I will make your event.”
“I will do better next time.”
“I will work harder on the next project.”
“I will remember that in the future.”
The weight is different. There’s accountability there. You’ve now told the universe that you will follow through and the test is there about whether you will do what it takes to keep your word.
This is why the word ‘try’ is vital to remove from your life if you want to take ownership of your life. If you keep making promises that you don’t follow through with then it’s one of the telltale signs that you let your circumstances define your actions instead of the other way around.
There’s more work for you to do to be someone that makes things happen rather than to convince yourself that you’re making things happen but you’re not.
And that’s the truth.
Being great involves pushing through the resistance and doing what you say you will do even if it’s hard or understanding what you can’t do, taking account of it, and making genuine efforts to improve in the present and future.
Being average involves ‘trying’ to do what you say you will do, knowing what you can’t do but convincing yourself that it’s fine even when you know in your soul that it’s not. In other words, remaining comfortable with not following through.
Which one do you want to be?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Jordan Whitfield on Unsplash
