Social media has made it more likely that people will keep others in their lives much longer than they naturally would. In the past, you would lose touch with people as you graduated, moved away or changed jobs. Now, we are encouraged to stay connected.
In many ways it is good, but it can also be bad if you are maintaining relationships with people who negatively impact your life and mental health.
While on social media, I see people complain about people in their timeline posting negativity on a daily basis. I have witnessed people arguing with one another or bashing someone covertly or overly. Hiding behind the computer screen can bring out the worst in people and some use their social media platform to bully others, complain incessantly or as we witnessed this year, gather people to commit acts that go against their best interests.
Social media isn’t to blame. It is merely a medium, but how you use it determines whether it makes you better or worse. If you use it to keep toxic people in your life, you are regularly exposing your brain to their thought processes.
You have to understand that what you choose to expose yourself to is what shapes your thoughts and attitude. It can directly affect your mental health and eventually your physical health.
If someone is constantly complaining, it can color your outlook and shape your beliefs about the world. If you like something, and the people you listen to complain about it, it can affect your desire to have it or your enjoyment of it. For example, if you are unmarried and your friend continually complains about married life, you may develop a fear of being married and unhappy.
Toxic has become a buzz word that encompasses everything from slightly annoying to seriously damaging behavior. But, really toxicity is anything that negatively changes your view or mindset. You may love your friend or family member but their negative outlook can lead you to hide things from them or to not do something good for you because you fear their negative feedback.
It doesn’t mean you have to get rid of everyone who is negative. Some negativity is warranted based on circumstances. However, if someone is chronically negative or has a negative response to things you want or are trying to achieve, that person could be affecting your ability to take the risks necessary to achieve success whether it be in career, emotional health or in relationships.
Courage is the foundational word within encouragement. We need courage to do many things in our life which require us to push ourselves or step out of our comfort zone. Surrounding ourselves with people who stunt our growth can be a way of self-sabotaging. It can be a way of keeping ourselves small within the safety of people who discourage us from chasing our dreams or being vulnerable.
Motivational speaker and author, Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
If those five people negatively impact your life, they cannot help you move forward in life. More than likely, they also aren’t succeeding or even if they are, they are not enjoying their success.
The sign that tells you if you need to remove someone from your life is how do you feel when they are around and when they leave. If you feel drained or relieved when they are gone, you may have a toxic friend. If you refrain from telling them things that make you happy because you don’t want them to ruin it. If you feel the need to hide aspects of your life or omit your decisions because you know they will disapprove. These are all signs that you are limiting yourself.
If you don’t want to remove them completely, you can have a conversation to let them know how their behavior is affecting you. If they refuse to change, then they should understand your spending less time around them. You have every right to remove yourself from anyone who doesn’t make you feel good. We tend to think we have to endure problematic friendships or relationships to say we have friends.
Breaking up with a friend or limiting time with family members will feel uncomfortable and you may grieve the loss of the relationship. But, you have to value your mental and physical health. Sometimes you have to block people in real life, but it may just mean that you’ve outgrown a relationship that you would have naturally let go of.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock
Awesome article…thank you!!!