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Do you remember when you’d see a peer perform whether it be in a band, on stage, giving a speech, or speaking in front of a group, and think “wow, they really are talented?” It can often seem that other people have an easier go at things, to the objective observer other people’s challenges and successes can seem rather trivial considering the “person that they are” or the talents they were seemingly gifted by the divine. When I go to perform, or you do, there are intense emotions driving me, factors beyond my control, and a myriad of thoughts going through my head to analyze the situation, that seldom seems the case for others, or so we’d naively think.
The reality is that everyone experiences the challenge of performing and putting themselves out there. Some people may have more experience in something specific, granting them courage, or they’re less emotionally inclined, making them braver, but everyone has a similar experience doing anything, at least when they’re starting out.
My 11th grade English teacher had asked us, “what is the one thing people fear more than death?” I couldn’t imagine anything people would fear more, that’s the end game, there’s no experience there, so we think, and no one knows what it is. The answer is public speaking when people were surveyed on their biggest fears, public speaking ranked number one. So it’d seem that peer ridicule and personal embarrassment are more of an issue for people than the great beyond.
The secret is that it’s never “easy” per se. The challenges that you face, within reason, are similar to those that many other people face. There’s discomfort attached to the unfamiliar experience, forming new relationships, and generally allowing yourself to be criticized.
The challenge of tightening yourself up, and doing everything in your power to make it seem as though your less desirable traits (fear, sadness, awkwardness) don’t exist perpetuates the consistent lack of progress that breeds discomfort.
It’s best to recognize that no one lives life on autopilot and must experience things as they are, good or bad. Life is far too complex to deem any event, be it public speaking, an interview, a first date, or a karaoke performance good or bad. We must learn to take things as they are, not how we think they should be.
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