Settling in Her Marriage Ruined Her Happiness, but She’s Content

Speaking of sorority girls, that was Kathleen. We call her Lea for short. Lea was one of the female attractions that got heads turning as she walks the hallway in her tiny denim hot pants, high heels, and layers of fake tan.

She loved the attention when guys line up to ask who she will be taking for the weekend night out.

I envied her. She was smart, beautiful, and perfectly endowed.

Although she hardly read, Lea always managed to ace her exams. Was she getting favors from the teachers?

As much as I would like to think so, but, no. Lea was a brilliant student. Even with all the distractions she got in school, she never lost focus on her studies.

I wasn’t Lea’s friend, but I was a silent admirer. Girls like Lea had a bright future. I do imagine her with a doctorate degree (she was aspiring to be a surgeon), marrying a rich sophisticated man, and having adorable children.

And like I imagined, that was what happened. At age 23, Lea married her university sweetheart, Humphrey. She instantly fell for his charms after their first date. He was just her type- tall, dark, handsome, plays hockey, and knows how to keep a woman entertained.

Their relationship blossomed. They were the talk of the university, which made Lea more popular. In Humphrey‘s eyes, Lea was special. She was his dream girl. Lea was happy with him, except she didn’t feel butterflies or a huge burst of passion whenever she was in his arms.

He popped the question and she said “yes”

From the start of their relationship, everything was mechanical. Dates were only on the weekends, either to a movie, dinners at a local pub, or a live concert. Lea resolved to work around his league schedules which were a priority.

Sex was good, but not great. It was always premeditated. No spontaneity, no fireworks that leaves her breathless. Emotional maturity became an issue. He never complimented her or surprised her with romantic gestures. He didn’t bother to know why she didn’t find his sexist jokes funny.

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Despite all the odds, Lea still stayed with Humphrey. When he finally popped the million-dollar question with a gigantic designer diamond ring (after months of hints), Lea said yes. She liked the idea of being married and now she was getting her wish.

Their marriage was grand. Lea knew she was making a big mistake. Her friends told her so. But she shove down the pit in her stomach with a glass of wine and walked down the aisle in her Estee Couture luxe mikado ball gown.

Lea was well aware she wasn’t in love with Humphrey. She wanted safety and security which she didn’t have as she was from a broken home. Humphrey provided that so she settled for him.

Now she was Humphrey‘s wife. She had safety, security, stability, and success, yet she wasn’t happy. Fifteen years later, they are still together.

Finding happiness in a messy marriage

Their marriage is blessed with two wonderful children, and Humphrey is still the same caring man she met at the university. He’s dependable even though he’s not the most emotionally mature man on earth.

Nothing about their love life has changed, except that they coexist as a functional family. But Lea has sworn she will never leave her marriage. She won’t let her children go through the troubles of a broken home like she did.

Most people would have given up at this point, but for the next ten years, Lea’s staying put. She has found incredible ways to fill the void in her life for the sake of her children.

For starters she got different dildos to fulfill her sexual needs. Humphrey is a busy man. Most times he’s on business trips. In his absence, Lea makes up for the boring sex by dressing up and entertaining herself.

She starts off with a hot bath graced with lavender petals, and soft music playing in the background. When she’s done, she adorns herself in sexy attire, then takes a few minutes to give herself a striptease to unwind the tension from the day.

Lea has taken solo sex to a different level to the point she no longer feels like she’s missing out on sex. Sex with her husband might be a drag, but not sex with herself.

Since Humphrey is always away, Lea made a list of activities they do together whenever he’s around. She got tired of his boring social life. She bought a yearly spa subscription so it’s easier to get a session in his free time.

Humphrey liked the idea. He was understanding. He gave his time whenever his family needed him. Lea knew her husband doesn’t like cooking, he prefers doing dishes. So whenever he misses family time, she makes him cook a special dish for her and the children.

Although the food often turns out messy, they still eat it happily, mocking the chef in between.

The little things make her happy

Life doesn’t always give us what we want, but the little moments of joy make up for the losses.

Lea resigned from her position in a hospital to become a full-time mom. She wanted to make up for her husband’s absence and be there for her children.

They fill her day with fun memories. They help her cook and do the dishes and laundry. They work together in her garden. On weekends there are game nights or parties. Her bond with her children is Lea’s greatest source of happiness.

Instead of complaining about what she didn’t get from marriage, she filled her life with being content with what she had. The memories we make are what make us happy, not the dreams we wish for.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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