What works for one couple may not work for another couple, and people often try to make their partners fit into the perfect marriage box.
Tradition is a word that we attach to things we feel should not be changed. On the contrary, the world and all of the people in it are constantly evolving, which makes tradition change quite a bit. In our limited thinking, we sometimes try to make other people’s marital situations our own. For example, if we see a couple that appears to be in a happy relationship, we automatically assume that we need to mimic their actions to attain their level of happiness. What we fail to realize is that it took work from both parties to achieve that level of happiness. Or, they may be putting on a front and are secretly miserable behind closed doors.
What works for one couple may not work for another couple, and people often try to make their partners fit into the perfect marriage box. The adverse contains various pre-conceived notions, mixed with ideas from people who have never been married, on top of selfish people who want rules made to solely fit them. The problem is that people have to sift through the garbage as a couple to figure out what works best for their union.
Identifying what it takes to make your marriage work requires the willingness of both parties to communicate openly; expectations, needs, desires and willingness to do whatever it takes to make the marriage successful. In dealing with clients, and working on their marriage plans, the different requirements from spouses vary significantly: no two couples have the same list, and that’s because no two marriages are alike. We must stop viewing marriages from the outside and not actually knowing the real story. We have to work for our happiness and not compare it to someone else’s appearance of happiness. I will share seven ways to make your marriage work for you and not adhere to tradition.
1. Develop a friendship. We have to develop a friendship with our spouses so that we can always speak freely with one another about whatever is going on in our lives. In some marriages, spouses are not friends. The friendship of marriage is the most important aspect; it’s what you fall back on when everything else fails. The concern for the wellbeing of your friend will guide you to make the right decision when it comes to your shared union.
2. Remember that we are all individuals. That means our needs and desires will vary from one person to the other. Never assume because one person was ok with something that another one will be ok with the same situations. Always ask never assume.
3. Know your limits. Everyone has a threshold and don’t let your spouse abuse it. If something makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to go along with it for the sake of making your partner happy. The marriage is for both of you to be happy and was never intended for one person to make all the sacrifice while the other enjoys all of the benefits.
4. Keep your relationship a secret. No one can attack or misunderstand what they don’t know. If your rules are only shared between you and your spouse, then you are free from outside influence and unfair judgement from people who have no idea of what it takes for your marriage to work. You will also limit the negative energy from haters who want your relationship to fail.
5. Develop a longevity mindset. Never let divorce be an option. Commit to understanding and working to always strengthen your union as opposed to thinking when things don’t go your way you automatically divorce. If you plan to stay together forever from day one and have that as your shared marriage goal, then there is no reason you shouldn’t reach that goal.
6. Understand that people change. Sometimes your rules have to be revisited and adjusted because you or your spouse may have evolved and need to update your list. There is nothing wrong with it as long as there is mutual consensus, and it is done for the well-being of the marriage.
7. Respect the rules. There is no need for having an adult conversation, deciding what you need, agreeing to the terms and then backing out of the agreement. If you are a habitual rule breaker, then why even subject your spouse to heartache. Don’t be selfish, respect the rules set in place by you and your partner.
Marriages, like any other thing in life, require work and dedication to be successful. Bad information and terrible advice can lead a couple down the wrong path before the ink dries on the marriage certificate. However, with patience, understanding and willingness to please one another, a marriage can be successful and last a lifetime. Creating your rules to make it work instead of trying to fit in society’s box will almost always ensure a successful long lasting union.
See more of my writing at AnyaHollis.com.
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