One piece of dating advice that desperate people may hear is “Love comes only when you’re not looking for it.” It’s a phrase that can confuse some people who are on dating apps or are trying to meet others. Should one look for love, or do nothing and let it find them? Let’s dive into what this phrase exactly means.
Why People Believe This
First, let’s discuss why exactly people believe this. First, it can be because it has happened quite a few times. You don’t even have to think about love to think of this phenomenon. Have you ever lost your wallet and spent a good hour searching for it? After you do so, do you just give up and try to deal? You usually end up finding it.
The same can apply to love. Someone may search and search, and then end up finding a partner the second they aren’t actively looking. Not all the time, of course, but it has happened quite a bit.
It’s Not Literal
With that said, this is not a literal phrase. What we mean by this is that you’re not going to find love by sitting in your home, doing nothing and twiddling your thumbs like some lover is going to fall out of the sky. In fact, taking this piece of advice literally will decrease your chances of finding someone. Instead, it acknowledges the fact that…
Always Searching Can Break Your Spirits
When you download a dating app or try to go to a place where people meet, you may come to it at first with high spirits. You wonder who you’ll meet, what dates you’ll go on, and what you learn.
However, the dating world is toxic. Many people on dating apps have too high of an expectation or are ghosts. You may date someone a couple of times and then they disappear or find someone else.
After a while, it can start to depress you. You want to find someone, but it feels as if the world is against it. You may come to dates seeming more depressed and desperate, which can turn people away.
Some people, especially casual daters, may not have this issue, but if you want to find love, it may make things worse for you.
You May Find Love While Doing What You Love
One piece of advice is that you can’t decide to love unless you love yourself. This doesn’t mean you are 100 percent confident in yourself and have no room for improvement. What it does mean is that you may find love when you’re trying to achieve your personal goals and are trying to improve yourself.
For example, you may give up on your search and get into sprinting. You may end up joining a sprinter’s club and then find the love of your life there. This is one of love’s secrets. Instead of abandoning the search, finding a hobby you love and meeting people through it can be your way to find love. Just don’t try to come into it with the intention of finding love.
Confidence is Important
One reason why people say to love yourself is that confidence is the most important part. Having positive energy can attract the right kinds of people. Always being low on yourself rarely works. With that said, if you lack confidence, it’s okay to admit it.
It’s Okay if You Need Help
With that said, it’s okay if you still feel depressed about not finding love. When you see others fall in love and you wonder why it’s not your time yet, getting advice can be confusing. Not to mention, everyone’s experience with love is different and what works for one person may not work for someone else.
That’s why it’s important for you to seek help if you feel depressed or don’t know where to go on your search for love. A therapist can help you with these problems. A therapist is not a matchmaker, but they can help in a few ways:
- They can help by making you feel more confident in yourself. Confidence is a big factor in dating.
- A therapist can help you to find your best qualities and decide what you want in a partner.
- A therapist may help you find locations where you may be able to find someone you love.
- Finally, a therapist can help with other life goals, which may end up finding you a partner.
If you want to find a therapist, ReGain is an online therapy resource for that. Online therapists can help you while on the go or at home. Join them today and find the right therapist for your situation.
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