The terrible truth of life? Dreams don’t always come true.
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How many people die without ever having lived their goals? The true story below illustrates the reality of life; unrelenting, and never stopping for anyone.
None of us knows how long we will be alive for, all we can do is predict that we will probably make it to whatever average lifespan there is for the region we live in.
Even making it to a ripe old age our lives are fleeting, and many people never even make it that far, often finding themselves out of time without having had a chance to experience any of their dreams.
Everytime I hear someone saying “tomorrow” I cringe, and you should too, especially if that person is you.
The only thing you can truly be certain of is right now, maybe till the end of the day but there is no guarantee there either. Tomorrow is a horrible way to think about running your life. Tomorrow happens so fast and spans the course of years before the realization that our tomorrows are running out, and allowing more time to pass our dreams will only become more difficult to accomplish.
If you start today then your tomorrows will be blissful and fulfilling. Not only your tomorrows but the present moment, the only guaranteed moment we have, will be so much more satisfying and meaningful.
A lot of the people who come to me for coaching end up fearing taking the dive and learning to approach beautiful women, confidently, because they allow their fear to get in the way, and tomorrow is a lot easier to swallow.
Those who do make the commitment can start living tomorrow, today, invigorate their lives, and find great women for the kind of relationships they want.
Don’t die with your music inside of you; whatever it is that you’ve been putting off you really don’t have time to wait, so start making it a reality today.
The story of my dead Uncle. 27 years old. Diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer in Fall 2014. Never had a girlfriend, never pursued his dreams of working in Hollywood. And the motivation he gave me to realize that the word, “Tomorrow”, should be a word that should be banned from your vocabulary.
My uncle was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer in the Fall of 2014. The doctors basically told him he had roughly a month to live, and that he should get his personal matters in order.
Unfortunately my uncle was in his late 20’s, and really had not much in the way to get in order. He always dream’t when he was younger of working in Hollywood and becoming a film director. He loved films, and loved to write short stories in his free time. He was a very artsy and creative person. There was a time, when he really serious about sending his scripts to Hollywood, and even move to Hollywood and see what could happen.
That said, he graduated and found a job as an accountant. Solid 9-5 job. Solid pay. Good benefits. Most people wouldn’t complain really. But, my uncle, he felt spiritually bankrupt. Whatever social life he once had back in college was now dissolved to waking up, go to work, go back to bed, and rinse-wash-and repeat for the next day.
He stopped focusing on things he loved such as writing, and ultimately stopped pursing his dream of working/moving to Hollywood. This depression of sorts also thwarted on any attempt of him finding himself a girlfriend either. You see my uncle was always a socially awkward guy, and it was always difficult for him to muster enough confidence to actually talk with girls, let alone ask them out on a date. So he was pretty much alone and single through his whole life.
He always swore that he would wake up “tomorrow” and focus on working on a new script, or focus on editing one of his old scripts that he would send to Hollywood. But tomorrow never really came. He also had ambitions of finding a girlfriend, and really try to become more socially outgoing. He bought a bunch of self help books on how to be more social, and how to ask women out on dates and so on and so forth…But once again they just sat on his bathroom floor gathering dust. Ultimately he became complacent with his life situation, and his ambitions and dreams always became a never ending repeating loop of “Tomorrow”
Fast forward to about Halloween time of last year, and what was routine blood work, turn into more blood work, which turned into various body imaging scans, which turned to the doctors discovering a massive tumor on his pancreas, which lead to a biopsy which lead to the discovery that it was malignant and he had less than a month to live.
My uncle was quite understandably devastated. The depression he already had, only became worse. There wasn’t really much of outside family either to give emotional support. It was just me really. I did the best I could to cheer him up and motivate him, but quite honestly I stopped because it was just so fake from my part.
He was alone. No wife, no kids, nothing. And the dreams he once had of working in Hollywood now became nothing more than simply a “dream”. He knew he fucked up his life. He always thought there was time to fix his life and follow his dreams..I guess that’s why he relied on tomorrow so much.
When I came and visited him during his hospice stay, he would always tell me about these new story ideas he had, and would actually write them down and complete more work in the span of a few days then he had in years. He became obsessed with his writing, almost as if it was a facade to hide his pain about the blunt reality of him having less than a few weeks to live.
That said, he told me about a dream he had. How he was able to accomplish all of his dreams. How he lived in Hollywood and was directing this big blockbuster, and how he had a mansion in Beverly Hills and how he had a wife that looked like a young Denise Richards, and how they had beautiful kids and a dog. How he had this perfect life……And how in this very same dream he was also diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and was told he had a month to live, but felt perfectly happy to go.
Then he woke up, realized the doctor told him he had a month to live about 2 weeks ago, and just decided to go back to bed.
TLDR: Screw the ever-loving shit of tomorrow. There is no tomorrow. There is only today. If you have a dream, if you have goals, no matter how big or small those dreams/goals are. Do them NOW. Don’t rely on tomorrow, because tomorrow is so fucking unpredictable. Rely on today, and each and every hour your given. Because that 24 hours you have, where your probably browsing reddit trying to spur up some motivation for something you’ve been dreaming of but can’t get your ass off the computer chair to do? My uncle would KILL for those 24 hours. Fuck time. You have no time. You only have today, and today only. Make the most out of it.
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Originally posted on Ultimate Man Builder
Photo: Flickr/
When I read first read this article a few months ago, I was overcome by sadness. A life taken too soon, & without having fulfilled a most basic need, that of an intimate relationship. As I re-read this, I am still saddened by the loss of life and all that was missed, but I realize yet once again how many of us are not living, but merely existing. We postpone decisions, opportunities, challenges with the promise of tomorrow, that if granted, comes with inherent events all their own. As a woman, I learned that men must take the initiative, &… Read more »
A sad case, but a clear one. He was shy. Period. Still, he made money and, except sex, he had anything. So, it was his fault for this and a fate’s twist for the death. What about in the primitive societies where your mama sells you to black magic practitioners for her to live and for your dumb brother to succeed in life? Then it’s the mother’s guilt or, if she belongs to a primitive faith or ethnicity, to them all. What about when those who bought you keep you in constant humiliation, calling him names (including shy) to hide… Read more »
Very sorry for your loss. In talking about socially awkward Love shy men one of the topics should be Autism .
A diagnosis of Autism Disorder would help in a great way.
Man, there are times i hate women because i feel women are far less at risk than men are at reaching that mans age(and older) mentioned in this article, why? because women don’t have to approach and make the first move, be the initiators, etc. Thats why often times i’m bitter because i hate the cards i was dealt with for being born male, that i’m expected to be dominant and take charge.
I am sorry for your loss and I am so glad you were there for your uncle. He may not have had the big dreams but he had you.
This is the bright spot:
“When I came and visited him during his hospice stay, he would always tell me about these new story ideas he had, and would actually write them down and complete more work in the span of a few days then he had in years.” You made this possible.
So damn sad. This could have been me, too. I’m very thankful that my life didn’t end with such regrets. I can’t help but wonder at a society like ours, where good people can slip between the cracks, without healthy human interaction. And although I can picture women in similarly sad situations, I can’t help but think that this one speaks of male souls in particular, in a way that might make women stop and think about how they think of men in general. And with the comments on prostitution, I think of this line from The Boxer by Simon… Read more »
“Would a (hetero) woman’s greatest regret be that she never felt the touch of man?” Why not? Our society “allows” women wider latitude when it comes to physical touch, but hugging a child or your grandma is not the same as an intimate physical relationship with a lover. Just as women are often taught to fear the intentions of men, actually enduring the rejection of men based usually on their belief that they deserve someone ‘hotter’ also leads many women (myself included) to just shut down. To hire someone to touch her feels worse than death. “If not, can she… Read more »
I completely agree with you. I fear the same too. Just hope someday i find someone who feels alike.
And you definitely sound beautiful to me 🙂
Thank your for sharing your thoughts. I completely agree with you.
interesting thread and moving article. I’m not sure its fair to say this young man ‘fucked up his life’ though at 27. Pancreatic cancer fucked it up. he was good at many things and still had stuff to work on.. like most of us. That’s real life.. not MTV life.
Had I died at 27 this article could just as well have been about me. It took me about that long to get my career rolling and to be accepted by others, particularly women, to any significant degree. Lament, fine. But don’t judge people like us
The way relationships have been declining in America, we will have a lot of men who will never experience touching a women let alone loving her. Might as well legalizes prostitution since it will be the only way for men and women to experience touch without worrying about being hurt.
Ah, Eddie… man, I feel for you, genuinely I do. My wife passed when she was 51 and there have been a number of things that I have got round to doing and “forced” myself to do which I’d always wanted to/knew I should have always have done. But there is so much more that still remains to be accomplished and it isnt far out of reach. In fact, a lot of the time, its within my grasp. …. yet I still concern myself mainly with the 9 to 5. I know what you say is right, but sticking to… Read more »
A brother of mine was killed in a job-related accident at the age of 34 years and 362 days. He loved life. He had a job he loved. He had a rich social life with friends in all ages and all walks of life, and everyone loved him. And kids, he took the time to be there for them, to listen to them and see them. Yet, he never went on a date. He never felt the loving touch of a woman. Because despite his social life he, too, was shy with women. He’d had some bad experience early on,… Read more »
I am very sorry for your loss. This touches home. I am a shy man who was also diagnosed with cancer at 27, never had a gf although I have extreme social anxiety and no job, no university qualifications (got sick with other illnesses before I could finish anything), have multiple illnesses both mental and physical which sap my energy heaps and the anxiety truly makes life extremely difficult to live. One of the fears I had was dying without having that loving touch from a woman, although I’ve had a handful of experiences with a woman so I guess… Read more »
For some who have no luck, or just bad health, to continue to live with hope is the highest form of courage.