Question: My baby sister is having a little boy which is amazing, except she just turned 18! She got married when she was 17 and while we are all happy for her, I can see a gigantic banner flying over her life say “Life ruined!” I feel so judgmental but she was supposed to be the one that went all the way. I have been avoiding her calls and I know she is going to want to talk to me when it comes to child rearing since our mother has passed and I have two kids. I just don’t know what to do, I have always been “Big Bro” and now I feel like I have failed and our mother would be so disappointed.
Answer: Wow, yes I can understand your feelings that she is so young. Shows how much I know… I thought you couldn’t get married until you were 18!
And I also understand the gigantic banner flying over her head saying ‘life ruined’… I had a similar banner flying over my head when I got divorced that said ‘failure.’ And I questioned how much was that my belief and how much was that society’s belief. yes?
I can imagine what it must be like being the big brother who feels obligated to your mom who’s passed, to make sure your sister “went all the way”. I understand your concern that your mother might be disappointed in you.
Love, it sounds like you’re putting yourself under a lot of pressure and obligation that is clouding your capacity to simply be present with your sister. It’s true that statistically a 17-year-old getting married and having a baby at 18 might not have the success rate as someone in their 30s, and yet I think we can always find a statistic to back up any argument… So why don’t we look for a statistic where a woman who gave birth when she was 18 or younger, raised a great child, had a successful life, beat the odds, rose to the challenge, thrived under pressure… get my drift?
There have been studies in education showing that if a teacher thinks they have a room filled with special needs kids, they teach to that low common denominator and the kids get lower grades. However if they’re told they have a group of gifted kids they raise the ceiling and the children get better grades. Yet all the kids we’re at the same level, it was only who the teacher ‘thought’ they were different…
What I’m trying to say is that if you have a very low expectation of your sister, she’s most likely going to be unable to rise above it.
What would it take to destroy all of your limiting beliefs and guilty obligations and simply be present and encouraging and believe in her?
What would it take for the two of you to share the joy of being parents and raising kids together?
What would it take for you to consider perhaps your mother has an a different point of view from heaven…that she’s super happy for each of you regardless of your ages or circumstances?
And what if your sister could be the one that goes all the way… It just looks different than you thought?
What if you as the big brother took off that gigantic banner that says ‘life ruined’ and burned that mofo? Just saying…xox
My encouragement is that you take heart centered noble badass action to change this.
- Invite your sister to attend my complementary workshop called Soul Shaking Conscious Relationships to support her marriage and parenting in thriving (you might like it too! xoxo)
- Download my complementary report at www.GetHerToSayYes.com called how to be a noble badass, and let go of your judgments and drop into that centered Noble place where you love her for her. Then take her calls my friend. Be vulnerable or real if you need to express your concern, Yep be sure to create a vision with her of what’s possible and hold true to that vision or better.
- Please invite her to learn more about my work which is all about empowerment for women at AllanaPratt.com with my complementary training, Vulnerability is the New Sexy. I think it will help her 🙂
- Please get her my book for moms as a gift called The Missing Handbook to Motherhood. I sense she may need it on a few frustrating days 🙂 We all do… Parenting is intense!
Bottom line I ask you to ask, What’s right about this not what’s wrong about this, what’s possible here not what’s doomed… And if you need some private support with one-on-one coaching to go to the core of some of these issues to support you and being an even better brother, and even better husband, and even better father, it would be a privilege beyond measure. Please apply at www.AllanaPratt.com/connect.
Sometimes life gives us exactly what we prayed for in the most curious and surprising packages…
So stay open and know the universe still has your back and your sisters back…
and that your mom is well pleased 🙂
All my love XO XO