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My mother used to tell me that I began speaking at 6 months and never stopped. Not hard to imagine since I am a communicator by nature and, these days in particular, I am not shy about expressing my deeply held opinions.
I do need to temper them with a bit of diplomacy and allow my words to pass through the three gates:
(1) Is it kind?
(2) Is it true?
(3) Is it necessary—with a bonus query, will it improve on the silence?
In the current socio-political climate, asking at these three gates becomes an exercise in restraint.
As I read news items and follow threads on social media, I find myself filtering and anticipating response before speaking my mind. I try to go heart-to-heart and not just head-to-head, as is tempting. My primary rule is to refrain from name-calling and disparaging someone else’s belief even if I wholeheartedly disagree and see it as harmful. Admittedly, some of why I endeavor to understand those who hold views that seem to be the polar opposite from mine is to attempt to help them alter their views.
Chalk it up to turning 60 on October 13th.
Birthdays which end in zero feel pivotal. As I approached this one, I made a conscious decision to enter my seventh decade with intention, with grace, with power, with eyes and mind and heart open to possibility. Like many of my generation, I have said goodbye to parents and other loved ones. I have faced health challenges that included shingles, heart attack, kidney stones, and pneumonia in the past four years.
Aging and saging. I call myself a seasoned woman.
My mentor and dear friend Yvonne Kaye who turned 85 this year refers to her process as ‘ripening’. At times I feel like a mushy banana and others, a juicy peach. I much prefer the latter.
In anticipation of the big 6-0, I planned a shindig at my house for those overlapping soul circles of family and friends. My favorite aspect of this annual gathering is sitting back and witnessing how these sweet souls interact with each other. They are part of overlapping circles. Some I met in interfaith communities, some socially conscious events, some musical gatherings, some entered my life via friends of friends. Some are family of birth, the rest, family of choice. They are involved in positively life-changing activities that inspire me to do my part as well. I find that when they cross the threshold into my eclectically decorated, colorful home, it is like unwrapping the gift of their friendship.
My home is a combination of butterflies meet faeries, meet interfaith spiritual prayer icons and symbols, meet fanciful. Kind of like the woman typing these words. I am often thought to be much younger than the numbers on my birth certificate and rings on this tree would indicate. Chalk it up to an ageless attitude and people of all generations who grace my life. And then there is the purple hair that has people doing a double take at times and gives me street cred with the teens in my therapy practice.
As people flowed in and out, I experienced new delights. Toward the waning hours of the day, my friends passed around my phone and recorded their experiences of how we met and what our connection means to them. Over and over, was the message that reflected that I am a connector and leader with a big heart. I needed to keep myself conscious and receptive as their words swirled around me. It would have been easy to let them bounce off, but I wanted to accept their kindness and love. It is a metaphor I use often when working with clients. I encourage them to be a love sponge that soaks it all up, in part so that they can wring all that good juicy stuff out on those in their lives, rather than having the Teflon shields up, the surface of which would have the feelings slide off. I toggled back and forth during the ritual. It was a sweet as the carrot birthday cake that was lit right afterward.
These are the kinds of experiences that people ought to have while they are on this side of the veil rather than waiting until they have exited stage left.
The next day, I traveled into Philadelphia with my friend Janet Berkowitz and her little four-legged furry companion, Gracie, who was decked out in a tiny candy corn costume. Our purpose was to offer FREE Hugs at the iconic LOVE sculpture here in the City of Brotherly Love and Sisterly Affection. I have been engaged in this fulfilling activity since 2014. I hug at airports, on street corners, at sporting events, at vigils and rallies, at arts festivals and musical gatherings.
One of my greatest joys. It was a chilly, overcast day; perfect for hugging. Janet is a talented mime who is spontaneous with her expression, moving to the music issuing from the boom box. Michael Jackson, Carol King, the Monkees, Stevie Wonder and tunes from the musical Hair, were part of our soundtrack as we jumped, swayed, clapped, shimmied and capered about, holding our arms out for hugs into which numerous willing people entered. They ranged in age from toddlers to seniors, from people who lived nearby to others who came to Philly on vacation, to others who were here for conventions.
I always marvel that if those who fear people they perceive as dangerous others could see what I see, they would be more accepting, and the world would be a more embracing place.
I look forward to hugging and loving my way through the 7th decade of my wondrous life with family and friends, some who I have not yet met, as my treasures.
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Photo credit: Flickr