Racism is never justifiable.
~ Author Unknown
…
Last month I caught an article in my feed that almost made me click. It referenced “mixed-race babies.” The author’s indignation rang as self-serving. The headline struck me as disingenuous.
I passed on his story.
But despite not having read it, the subject matter stayed with me. Certainly, a few of you might know I’m referring to the famed Aussie writer, Tim Denning. While mine is not intended as a TD-bashing rant, it is meant to reflect on the segment of society that only becomes outspoken against racism after marriage.
…
An Awakening
Many might argue that it’s only natural to become more aware of another person’s culture when you’re romantically linked. And I don’t necessarily disagree.
For my part, I’ll admit after dating [then, eventually marrying] a Turkish man in 2008, I too became more involved in all things Türkiye-related. However, my situation was unique for two reasons: (a) I already had friendships, and close connections with Turkish folks through tango, and (b) as someone who identifies as Afro-Boricua (aka Puerto Rican with African roots), I didn’t need marriage to make me more aware of racism.
So what’s the big deal if people only wake up after dating/marriage?
It’s selfishly insulting and arrogant. The former because it implies that only now (when you’re romantically involved with a non-White person) does the issue of racism matter. And let’s be clear: it only matters because YOU, Mr. White Man/Woman/Non-Binary Being are negatively impacted.
The latter reveals itself via their indignation — how dare anyone offend them! With all of that overflowing white privilege, it only now dawns on them to be hurt by racially charged remarks made against someone they love/like/lust after.
In my mind, the gauge is simple. Ask yourself:
(a) am I sincerely enraged about the hurtful racist comments because I am a true Anti-Racist?
OR
(b) is my ego whispering “this cannot be happening to ME?”
If Mr./Mrs./Ms. White Person would react with (a) regardless of the relationship (e.g., romance/friend/colleague/stranger-on-the-street), then it comes across as sincere. Otherwise, if the real reason is closer to (b), then the motivation to express anger is not really about being an “ally for the cause.”
…
The Dehumanizing Component
We all know the issue of race is difficult for many. Preferring to pretend it’s “not really a big deal” or wishing it would “just go away,” only enables further ignorance.
No matter what one thinks of the topic, one thing is certain: being in an interracial relationship is almost guaranteed to unsettle some people. Obviously, the degree of separation is relevant (think close family/friends versus strangers in public). What can’t [and shouldn’t] be overlooked is the perspective of the White person in the relationship.
Were they completely open to these types of love matches prior to getting involved with a non-White person? Do they have close friends of interracial marriages? Do they understand that some feel disgusted by what they see? Are they more concerned about the views of family members (rather than focusing on how their romantic partner feels)?
The questions seem endless because the bias is real.
Published in January 2017, the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology highlights the University of Washington’s research of three studies discussing bias against mixed-race relationships:
Research suggests that reported acceptance of interracial marriage masks deeper feelings of discomfort — even disgust — that some feel about mixed-race couples. The study found that bias against interracial couples is associated with disgust that in turn leads interracial couples to be dehumanized.
Summarizing the findings of those three experiments:
- Study 1: gauging responses of 152 college students on interracial relationships — how “disgusted they felt about various configurations” of those unions, as well as “their own willingness” towards one. Results revealed “high levels of acceptance and low levels of disgust about interracial relationships.”
- Study 2: researchers showed “19 undergraduate students wedding and engagement photos of 200 interracial and same-race couples while recording their neural activity.” Inquiring “whether each couple should be included in a future study on relationships,” the intention was to “ensure participants were socially evaluating the couples while their neural activity was recorded.” According to the University’s findings, “participants responded faster to images of same-race couples and selected them more often for inclusion in the study.”
- Study 3: using an implicit association test (how past experiences impact our feelings about something), researchers measured “attitudes, beliefs people may be unwilling to acknowledge, to gauge whether feeling disgusted would impact more than 200 participants’ feelings about interracial couples.” Group A viewed “a series of disgusting images (a dirty toilet, a person vomiting).” Group B saw “pleasant images of cityscapes and nature.”
A detailed description of this last study offers disturbing insights.
During the implicit association test, the two groups were tasked with categorizing photographs of same-race and interracial couples and silhouettes of humans and animals. They were first instructed to press one computer key if the image showed an animal silhouette or a mixed-race couple, and another key if it was a human silhouette or a same-race couple. Then the combinations were switched — participants were told to hit one key if the image was an animal silhouette or a same-race couple, and the other key if it was a human silhouette or mixed-race couple.
Participants were quicker to associate interracial couples with non-human animals and same-race couples with humans. That suggests that interracial couples are more likely to be dehumanized than same-race couples, the researchers write, and previous studies have shown that people tend to exhibit more antisocial behavior and are more likely to use aggression and even violence toward dehumanized targets.
…
Accountability not Silence
I’m not here to police the masses. Folks do and say what they please. But I sure as hell know it’s my responsibility to let my voice be heard — proudly and unapologetically! I also know the importance of holding others accountable.
And often, it’s most challenging when the perspectives of those closest to us are in question. Whether for fear of “stirring the pot” or potentially creating an uncomfortable situation with a loved one, the dilemma is a very personal one.
However, remaining silent causes a great degree of harm — not only to the relationship. It does so on a grander scale. Society as a whole is negatively impacted when we choose to keep quiet because the alternative is deemed “too risky.”
As someone outside of the Aussie creator’s tight circle, I have zero clue as to what his non-White wife thinks about his musings on race. It’s entirely possible that she calls him out at every turn. Or perhaps she lets him slide.
Regardless of the above, my position is crystal clear: I am responsible for being un-quiet on the issue of race and racism.
How about you? What’s your take on the subject? Let’s keep the dialog flowing.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
—
Photo credit: Shutterstock.com