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It was Gloria Steinem who said, “The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.”
In my work, I’ve tried to do my part to shine a light on the patriarchal systems that oppress both men and women in order to advance feminism and promote true gender equality. Sometimes, that has meant writing about the #metoo movement. Other times, that’s meant talking about fragile masculinity and rape culture and how essential it is to all genders to eradicate it from society by bringing awareness to it and talking about how prevalent and normalized it has become.
Oftentimes, the truth that sets us free (and pisses us off) is the one we see in ourselves.
When I transitioned from being a white feminist to an intersectional feminist, it wasn’t without its discomfort. I had to take a hard look at my own privilege and listen to a lot of stories that I used to think didn’t really concern me. I had to expand my worldview, and I didn’t do it because it was enjoyable. I did it because it’s necessary. I had to put down my preconceived ideas and actually listen to what POC and the LGBTQ+ community were saying. I had to leave my half-assed white feminism behind to embrace one that wasn’t elevating some of us by stepping on the backs of everyone else.
But writing about social justice is rarely comfortable in a world filled with trolls. I got trolled by what appeared to be a 12-year-old boy on Instagram. I was this close to finding his mother online, in hopes he could be grounded for further trolling of adults he clearly hasn’t yet learned to respect.
One of the uncomfortable truths I’ve had to face isn’t that I get trolled. It’s that I am much too easily baited. While happy to do my part to smash the patriarchy eight days a week, it’s not actually my responsibility to educate trolls. Sure, I would love it if something I wrote could help them understand that the very act of trolling someone else is deeply vicious and is the opposite of helping humanity. I would love if they would suddenly want to go out and learn about social justice in order to have more tolerance and compassion for others.
But we all know that this is a pipe dream. What trolls actually want to do is to get a reaction. Yet, I scroll through all of these comment sections on social media, and everyone is still feeding the trolls by paying them attention. They say something completely outrageous, and we all respond like we still haven’t learned that it’s exactly what they want. I’m guilty of this, too.
I’ve made new rules for myself going forward about dealing with trolls. While I’m imperfect and may occasionally backslide, I hope a firm commitment to a new approach might ease some of the anguish.
1. Don’t feed the trolls. Negative, outrageous comments don’t deserve a response.
2. Report them. Trolls who use hate speech should be reported every single time.
3. Block and ban them. Trolls who follow pages they clearly don’t support just to heckle the page owner need to be blocked and banned. It’s one thing to encourage open dialogue and another to be someone’s punching bag for their own amusement.
4. Don’t waste time and energy trying to help or educate them. While some people have had success communicating with trolls like actual humans, I have yet to experience anything resembling success by engaging with their vitriol. Any rational explanations that you can post (with cited, reliable sources) are often summarily dismissed. We don’t need to try to persuade people whose true object is only to sow discord and not to understand.
5. Focus on positive responses. When the trolls are taking over a comment section, find a positive comment and give it some attention. Take the power away from the trolls to stir up trouble by supporting those who aren’t using social media to bully strangers. You can even be the one to add positive comments rather than engaging the bullies.
Trolls are—usually—people, too. But it’s not our job to save them or teach them or try to get them to understand our perspective. And it’s rarely helpful. Instead, if we learn to recognize how we participate in the process, we can learn to avoid them. We can train ourselves not to give them any power by giving up our own, which is what we do when we play their game.
Being an advocate for social justice will always open me up to trolling and criticism. I often find myself wanting to explain feminism and destroy, once and for all, the idea that feminists are trying to rule men or hurt them in some way. There are a lot of things that I want to explain because I genuinely care about other people. But I’m learning how to let go of my need to save other people from themselves.
My job is just to write. I can be a light and shine a light right here, by talking about the things that happen to me and what I’ve learned from them. I can discuss issues related to social justice and advocate on behalf of humanity without ever engaging a troll or giving their vitriol a platform. I can let my own experiences resonate with others and stop letting myself be baited into a useless argument with someone who just doesn’t care.
That’s the truth that sets me free. I don’t have to play their game anymore. I don’t have to be open to dialogue that debates anyone else’s humanity. I don’t need to be their teacher, and I damn sure don’t need to be their schoolyard punching bag. Advocating for social justice is hard work, and the last thing any of us needs is to expend our energy battling trolls online.
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This post was originally published on medium.com, and is republished here with the author’s permission.
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