Since childhood, men have had the privilege of pampering. Many enjoyed their freedom as children, teens, and young adults.
They never faced harsh consequences for their actions. Nor did they have to do much for themselves if an able body female was in the home. Even with changing times, studies (I only reference one) say girls bear more home duties.
Coupled with other happenings in the media, men got fed societal relationship lies.
It makes women’s requests for change feel impossible. How did things get so hard when everything was once so simple? Let us bust some of these misconceptions.
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Wanting nothing more
I read a romance novel where the male character nicknamed his female love interest a siren. Though Hades said he could not deny his girlfriend anything, he also thought she asked much of him.
It’s rare when human love is unconditional. Someone is always ahead and the other behind in (at least) one category. It is unfair to think a partner will stay because of what you have, despite being a jerk.
Collaboration is more effective than equality labels.
Aim for mutual benefit and shared dreams.
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Never feel attraction to others.
Expecting 100% thought loyalty is toxic. Porn produces eroticism. Similarly, your attraction to others can channel back into your relationship to create excitement.
Punishing your partner for ogling other men creates a space where she expects the same from you. But you cannot meet the expectation you set for her.
Channel fantasy into your reality. Suggest things you like about others to your partner for role play and date nights. It is a lot easier than admitting you like someone. And it also excites your female companion to see desire reawaken in you.
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Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash
You are the only one who should have faults
Not because society shames women more than it praises them means this has to continue in your union.
You will annoy your partner, and they will frustrate you too. Love, sex, dating, and relationships don’t always feel good. Be rational.
Tolerate changing moods, bodies, and needs. If you expect someone to accommodate you, please return the favor.
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Keep secrets to be mysterious.
Not all secrets are worth sharing — finances and political views. How many kids, baby mothers, and intimate partners do you have? That’s a detail worth sharing.
Nick Cannon’s baby mothers feel less shame. Don’t fight him or each among themselves because each woman is aware there are others. Every woman is different. Some don’t care as long as they know about the other female.
Not knowing your opinions on a matter makes you mysterious. Hiding details about your family does the same. But many women draw the line at misrepresenting active sexual partner numbers and kids.
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Photo by Christopher Campbell on Unsplash
Your partner fulfills your needs.
It’s funny how we go into relationships with crazy expectations even when our parents cannot fill these gaps. An adult closes their inner lacking, and a healthy partner helps the closure stay put.
There is a famous column from decades ago about how to please a man. It said the woman should wash up the children, prepare dinner, and keep the kids quiet.
The men who I showed the old article. These guys asked one question after reading it, “where is the sex?”
A partner cannot be your everything, especially if you are not her everything to her as well. Men are just as needy. Consider self-fulfilling some of your desires to add less pressure to your partner.
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Happiness is easy with the right person
No one can make you happy. Most lottery winners become worse broke after five years.
You will complain the person cannot accept you for yourself. They want to force change and upgrade you. Your unhappiness will cause you to be jealous of your partner.
You could even lash out and hurt them because your misery wants company.
Work hard and let go of perceived notions for internal happiness. Then, do the same for the mutual joy of your relationship. Stop waiting for someone to save you. In these modern times, you don’t have to rescue your partner. Start picking yourself up and meeting women where they are at emotionally.
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Thank you for reading this post.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism | Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box | The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer | What We Talk About When We Talk About Men |
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Photo credit: Christopher Campbell on Unsplash