Distance is just a test of how far your love can travel.
This is so simple to write but in reality, the scenario is different. We all love having someone special in our life for sharing all the special moments and also our regular life. Along with love, there is fighting, arguments, tears which makes it hard to stand the relationship.
These fights are harder to handle and resolve in long-distance relations as there is no way to see each other in person or even hug it out after the fight. Arguing virtually can be frustrating but if handled positively, then it is the best thing ever because gradually understanding level elevates.
With experience, a person tends to understand the phases of fights in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR), which I feel I have because of my single continuum LDR from the past 3 and a half years. That is to say 1277 days and it is exhaustive but worthy.
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Phases of fights
- Beginning of the fight/argument– There can be many different topics on which opinions can be different or any other reason because of which an argument can take place (though there are unlimited reasons). As an argument starts both people starts to express their values or opinion which the other person won’t be able to tolerate and reply back and so it is like a bottomless pit.
- Reaction or Responding– Two different actions that can either extend the argument or cool it down; responding or reacting. One must understand that reacting is an unwise by-product of anger or a blind defense, which does not bring any conclusions. The real art is responding which is absorbing the situation and trying to return to the happy phase of relation.
- Frustration– If the fight continues it is obvious that both the person on the relationships gets frustrated that results in not receiving the phone calls, not replying to the texts, or quit talking.
- Cooldown session– After some time as the topic gets lightened up and the mind cools down, the conversations take place. From this everything goes back to normal that brings in the ‘Honeymoon period’ once again.
There is always a sense of clarity within that, in the end, both are going to return together the bond will blossom.
Avoiding arguments is not possible as there are two different minds. But fortunately, these arguments are steps towards mutual understanding if managed carefully.
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Points to keep in mind while the phase goes on and for solving the fights:
- Remember, the fight is a phase– Many times frustration level gets too high that the couple starts to think that this is the end of the relationship and they won’t be able to continue the LDR. Remembering the steps of the phase helps us in the process and keeps us strong and connected. Ending something is not always a solution.
- Listening is the issue halfway resolved– Every fight happens because of different reasons and learning from it can lower the ratio of fights and arguments. There are many things which each person in a relationship dislikes and if it is correct then the other person should considerate it.
- Words matter– Even while fighting it is good to craft the arguments instead of spitting the words abruptly.
- Having discussions instead of playing the blame game– Often couples screams at each other and blames about something wrong at present or past. Concentration should be on the present issue not recalling the old ones as it will only increase the heat. The old discussion should be understood and forgotten.
- Taking a break– A break is always a good thing, as long as it’s taken in the right manner (not as Ross and Rachel from F.R.I.E.N.D.S). Taking some time apart from each other can help clear the confusion and frustrations internally. There is no need to constantly talking and apologizing.
- Giving the discussion correct time– As there is a time difference in a LDR, many times one of the partner is at work and taking a bit of time and discussing can make everything more confusing and pile up other issues. So the best way is to understand each other’s routine and take out a mutual time where both can talk and not do any other work.
- Giving appropriate value to the fights– There can be major or minor issues between a couple, fights cannot take place on each of them. Giving an appropriate amount of value is very important. No one likes to fight frequently on small or same things.
- Not avoiding the important things because of frustration– In a LDR there are only a few sources for communication, either it is texting/ calls or the old school method sending letters to each other. By not answering the call or texts is not a solution to the fight it is a silly method that extends it.
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Though there are many types of fights that are acceptable or some are which shows that this is the time to end the relationship. An individual should be aware of the situations and limits. Don’t always flow in the flow and be blind in love.
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There is not a major difference in fights between the couples in LDR or couples who can see each other. But that ‘touch’ is missing which makes it seriously hard to long last the LDR.
Between all these fights, never forget the LOVE. The fights are just a byproduct of it, so let it be there and fragrant your long-distance relationship.
The wait is on for that one meeting.
“Distance makes the heart grow fonder.” — Thomas Haynes Bayly
©2020 Ayushi Parekh
Previously published on “Hello, Love”, a Medium publication.
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Photo credit: Author