Have you ever been told you’re ‘smothering’? You may be giving off creepy stalker signals without knowing it.
A fresh relationship is exciting. Meeting a new person and learning all about them. It can be difficult to hold enthusiasm in check sometimes. Maybe you just want to surprise your new love, and you think, wouldn’t it be cute if I showed up on her doorstep? She’d LOVE that. It’s at this point you need to check yourself before your darling dashes off in search of someone a little more chill.
Here are the eleven things you need to calm down about:
1. Texting her all the time. Not only is constantly texting a woman annoying to her, but it also suggests you’re clingy and emotionally insecure. She probably already has a lot on her mind. She wouldn’t want to know every thought or detail about your day-to-day life, unless it’s an emergency. It is also impolite to text her while she is busy at work.
2. Overthinking her girls night out. If she’s out enjoying time with her girls on a weekend night, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s cheating. She’s dancing and having a few drinks. It’s the same thing a man would be doing with his guy friends, except there are (usually) no sports involved and she’s wearing heels.
3. Equating one date to a relationship. You just went on a first dinner date. You enjoyed the time together. After the date ends, texting her “I won’t date anyone else” is just plain wrong. This sends her the message you already feel as if you two have embarked on a relationship. You need to give her (and yourself) time to build that bond naturally.
4. Driving past her house or office because you miss her. Cruising by her house at night, slowing down and then looking up at the windows: a classic sign of stalking. It is also an invasion of her privacy. Your innocent intention to give her a surprise may actually end up scaring her.
5. Leaving creep messages on her voicemail. If your message says anything along the lines of “It’s 10:30 and I tried calling you fifteen minutes ago. I guess you’re still not home. Where could you be? I’ll keep calling until I know you got in safe. Nevermind. I’ll just stop by and wait. See you soon.”, you’re only reassuring this woman that you are never going to let her out of your sight. Terrifying.
6. Assuming you’re being ignored. Stalker behavior seems to stem from insecurity. If a woman doesn’t respond to texts or she doesn’t call you back right away, she is probably otherwise occupied. She has not forgotten about you. Just be patient and give her time.
7. Obsessing over her Facebook activities. Liking her every Facebook update and leaving a comment every time someone posts on her wall, suggests you have no life of your own. Moreover, you likely have a job or other business that needs your attention, too.
8. Paying her unexpected calls. It’s true some women like to be surprised with lunch visits at work or with a knock on the door to see if she wants some company. But this behavior is only acceptable when you two have been dating for a significant period of time, and you know how she would react if you popped in.
9. Expecting her to limit making new friends. Telling her who she can and cannot be friends with takes away her freedom of choice. Creating new relationships should not come at the cost of destroying old ones.
10. Expecting she does not need me-time. We all need companionship. But we don’t need that person around 24-7. She requires alone time when she can take a break from it all: maybe read a book, get her nails done, talk to her friends, or finish long, pending office work.
11. Contacting her friends or family when you hit a rough patch. All relationships go through tough times. When there’s a problem, discuss it with her, not with her friends and family. Sending her mom an instant message and asking why the love of your life isn’t talking to you, is immature.
Remember, if the connection is there, she will want to be with you, too, but forcing chemistry and interactions will only drive her farther away…exactly where you don’t want her to be.
Unedited Photo: Flickr/Tim Simpson