Arguing over the use of money in a relationship originates from underlying childhood issues. Wanda Ball’s plan will help you change your view of money as it restores harmony.
We’ve all heard the leading cause for divorce or break ups stems from arguing over money. This may be true, but I believe that it goes deeper.
Arguing about money and how money is spent or used in a relationship is the result of an underlying issue that most of us grew up with, or witnessed in our households.
Did you learn the importance or lack of importance from your parents? Did you learn how to pay bills effectively and on time? Or did you learn bills were always paid late or not at all? You were taught not to answer the phone when bill collectors called. Right?
Did you learn how to value money when your parents showed you how to save? Did you learn how to spend responsibly on needs, rather than wants? Or did you learn money had no value, because it was disrespected and crumpled up in Dad’s pockets or at the bottom of Mom’s purse?
Whatever lesson you learned or didn’t learn as a child usually gets repeated in adulthood.
So if you are having a hard time dealing with money issues in your current relationship, or find it’s is an ongoing issue within yourself, how do you make a change?
How do you stop the arguments and hopefully save your relationship? How do you get on the same page?
This advice will help you stop arguments over money immediately:
1. Be open and honest about your childhood beliefs. You must be willing to discuss your childhood issues with each other about money. If you saw money was scarce, bills weren’t getting paid and you were taught to duck and dodge bill collectors, discuss that with your partner. If you were fortunate enough that money was never an issue, discuss that as well. Your partner or spouse had a different upbringing and those differences need to be shared so you can come together, discuss your underlying issues and work out what’s best for you both.
2. Disclose all bank accounts. I know most couples have separate accounts. Usually one for the household and another one for individual, personal needs. There’s nothing wrong with this, but the individual one must be disclosed to both partners. Your money issues are not going to be resolved if one person is hiding a bank account from the other and secretly stashing money there. If you do have an individual account, use it as extra money that you receive to “treat” yourself from time to time.
3. Have a joint account that all household bills come from. I can’t stress this enough that you both should be on one account together to make this work. One of the biggest arguments couples have is that a bill(s) are not getting paid because they have separate accounts. The stress that this causes can be the breaking point that ultimately leads to separation and divorce. At this point, couples usually feel they can do better by themselves! I suggest that all paychecks/money go into this joint account and that all household bills are paid from here. It usually doesn’t work if two accounts are involved, because if someone can’t make a payment, then the bill doesn’t get paid. You are a team and must have a team mentality for this to succeed.
4. Pay the bills together. My husband and I have a great system that has been working for 20 of the 25 years we’ve been together. We established early on that he is a money managing guru! Every month we sit down and go over bills together. He separates bills to be paid at the appropriate time and I write out the checks (or pay them online, if preferred). By using this manner, we both get a chance to discuss our finances and see what bills are being paid. Nothing is hidden or late.
5. Give yourself a monthly cash allowance. Giving yourself a monthly allowance is the best advice I can give. Once you have paid your household bills, you can both decide how much cash money you can spend for the month. This money is only used for you and your personal needs. It eliminates couples from sneaking money out of the household account, which is one of the biggest problems that I hear over and over again from couples. Once you determine how much cash you can afford, stick to it. You’ll be surprised at how much you really need versus want, when you put yourself on a budget.
It’s been said that “money is the root of all evil.” I believe this is not true. Money itself is not evil. It’s the intent behind the use. Once you learn to stop arguing over money, look at it in a new light and embrace change, you will get more out of life and enjoy your relationship.
Wanda L. Ball is a Self Publisher, Writer, Author of six books, latest being "Salt: Rekindle and Reclaim Your Power Within", Blogger and Personal Coach. I help fellow frustrated Christian Writers & Bloggers learn the skills they need to overcome writing challenges and doubt so they can stop feeling alone and enjoy a fulfilling and profitable career that lasts at www.Wanda-Ball.com