We want that level of comfort, familiarity and history that we can’t find with someone new.
It’s 11 pm on a Friday night. Instead of going out with friends, you crack open a bottle of cheap red wine to drown your sorrows because your new “fling” decided to kick you to the curb. Oh, but this isn’t the first time.
This is an extremely low and pathetic point in your life, and you have two choices: Get your sh*t together and move on, or turn to old flings for comfort and happiness.
For some godforsaken reason, you choose the latter. And, thus begins the reoccurring cycle of heartbreak, over and over and over again.
Why do we always go back to our exes, old lovers, old flings, etc.? What is so appealing about bringing the trash back into the house when it’s ready to go to the dumpster?
It’s a hard concept to grasp when you are on the outside looking in, when you are not in the shoes of the lonely one who always needs a companion. But, all of us have been the lonely one before.
We seemingly keep a list of “old baes” in the back of our minds because we always want a back-up plan. We want that level of comfort, familiarity and history we can’t find with someone new.
But, keeping the doors to these old flings open is never a good idea, and here’s why:
It holds you back.
Why would you intentionally want to deter your progress in the dating world? Life is all about meeting new people, seeing foreign places and learning valuable information, but you are preventing yourself from doing all of these things by keeping old flames around.
Mentally and emotionally, you are unable to move on completely (whether you know it or not) if you know there are two or three people at your constant disposal.
If it didn’t work out the first three times, it won’t work on the fourth.
Would you keep ripping a Band-Aid off a scab? No. So, why would you continually revisit a person who has hurt you in the past, or someone who simply did not work for you?
It is self-destructive to get involved in something you know is not meant to be. If it didn’t work the first time (or the third time), it sure as hell won’t work out the fourth time. Quit trying to force something to happen.
It is emotionally exhausting.
Keeping the doors open to old flings is not healthy. It’s hard to keep up; it makes you question your intuition and your current situation, and it will 110 percent result in heartbreak.
There is a reason why we can’t time travel to the past and it’s because the past is meant to stay behind.
Past flings should stay back while you move forward onto bigger and better things. It is difficult to let go of people with whom we are comfortable, but it’s worse to get re-involved with someone who will only hurt you in the end.
It makes you look bad.
No one wants a partner who is indecisive, especially one who can’t choose who they want to be with. By keeping numerous doors open, or even one to an old fling, it gives other people the vibe that you can’t move on or settle down with one person.
If you want a partner to treat you right and only be with you, no-strings-attached to old partners, you must do the same for them. Don’t make a bad name for yourself just because you’re afraid to cut ties.
It’s extra clutter you don’t need.
As we grow up, we try to get our lives in order and keep things organized, but having all of these doors open does not help. Hell, how can you keep track of three exes if you can’t even find your car keys in your apartment?
Clear your mind and your heart because new love is always on the horizon. You have to have hope for the future, and don’t be afraid to take a risk by cutting off old ties.
Wait for the new guy, the one who will sweep you off your feet. Don’t fall for the old dog’s new tricks.
by Shelby Davidson
About the author
Shelby Davidson is a journalism student at UF. Athlete for 2 years on the cross country/track team at UF so she loves fitness. She also loves baking, traveling, finding cute coffee shops, writing, fashion and exploring. Her website: http://shelbydavidson.wordpress
This article originally appeared on Elite Daily.