Jim the Wonder dog is out there. He’s right past Monkey Island and not too far from the world’s largest pecan. They are all just out there, right there. This is summer, a time to make memories with the kids. When I look back thirty years from now, I want to know that I did everything that could be done to get those memories. The idea of letting a moment slip by makes me cringe inside.
Don’t tell me “Hey, man, make sure you go to the grocery store, that counts as an outing!” I will punch you in the face, you unimaginative bastard. A grocery store is not an adventure, there is no trail to be blazed, there is nothing there that I haven’t seen before.
I once went on a quest to the grocery store to find coconut milk in a can. Took me three hours, I had to dodge a tank of ferile lobsters. But I found it. That’s the most of an adventure that I can get out of a grocery store.
“Go to the library,” you say. I say line up next to your friend so you can receive your punching right after him. I have been to the library enough times to know that they usually carry porn on microfiche as well. Yea, that’s right, antique porn at the library.
“Well, what about the park or take a walk.” You, I’m not even going to deal with you. Get off my lawn. Go read about bird watching and then sit at your back window and see if you can see the Pine Grosbeak. Then write it down in your book and pat yourself on the back for your adventure.
You have missed an opportunity to explore with your kids, to discover the country, to see the oddities that are out there. You have missed out on the stories that come from them, the silly games you play to get there, and the mistakes you made that eventually morph into family legend. And if you miss them, those opportunities are gone, my man, and they aren’t coming back.
In December we had a bit of snow. We couldn’t go anywhere. No problem, we waited it out.
Christmas break, that’s our time! Let’s roll! Nope, we had some chores we had to take care of. And a car repair. And we better save some money for presents.
Fast forward past the holidays, let’s go! Wait, school play. Ok, what about Tuesday. No, girl scouts. Ok, now we have some time off, let’s get in the car and go somewhere we haven’t been! Or how about instead let’s catch the plague that runs through the family each winter one by one until I’m taking care of everyone.
But the summer is where we shine. We are going to take some day trips. We are going to see Jim the Wonder Dog and figure out why he is a Wonder Dog!
What is this Monkey Island? Is it actually monkeys on an island? Let’s go find out!
We can eat at some sort of diner that has a very sticky floor and where your beverages are served in red Solo cups (dirty cups and yup, true story).
In the twelve years that I have been an at-home-dad, I have rarely sat still. I have seen the worlds biggest ball of twine (it was indeed big), I have glimpsed the largest can of condensed milk, I have toured a castle in the middle of a city. I have done all these things with my kids.
I have seen the worlds biggest baseball, the world’s largest electric steam shovel. I have seen statues of people who are nothing more than a footnote in local history. And in doing these things, I have raised confident kids. Kids that believe in the wonder of the world, that believe that if they just keep going that they can figure out a way to get the minivan out of the mud that we are stuck in (true story).
But most importantly, I have raised kids that have memories of our family and those memories will be with them forever, they will get them through tough times, will make them laugh or smile when it seems that is the last thing that they want to do. That is what I have done with my time as an at-home dad.
For me, it’s the only way to go.
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