It took me a little while to figure out what was holding me back. And after only 33 years, I’ve discovered it. Now, you’re probably smiling and thinking that 33 years is a long time to figure things out. And you’re right.
Once upon a time…. There were two kids–a brother and sister—living in a house with their dad and their stepmother. The stepmother didn’t like the kids very much and managed to wipe away all traces of her husband’s former life, including the kids.
The brother was angry and blamed his dad and stepmother for everything that happened in his life. Even 25 after years, he is still blaming them. His life is a constant battle. Nothing comes easily to him. Even worse, he is constantly surrounded by negative people who have the same self-destructive thoughts as he does.
On the other hand, the sister dealt with the situation in a different way. She made peace with her past and decided to see as a learning experience about how to become more independent in life. She has a lot of opportunities in her life and is surrounded by really positive people that bring her up and support her.
So, how do you explain these two opposite behaviors of children from the same family?
You can say a lot of things, but it’s simple. It’s because they have different mindsets with the way they approach adversity in their life. Unfortunately, some of us experience more adversity and painful events in our lives than others. But no matter what we’ve been through, the way we react is the key.
Let’s talk about the biggest mistake the brother made over and over again in his life: Victimhood.
Human beings love to play the victim to not to deal with their problems and insecurities. They slip into thinking of themselves as victims that have little or no control over their lives.
And the most important thing when you play the victim, you’re also playing small in life. A victim is small, weak and has low self-esteem.
A victim is constantly being taken advantage of and doesn’t know how success is even possible for people because the world they live in is so unfair.
A victim is a person that has excuses for why they are not progressing in life or why things don’t go well for them.
I’m talking about the unhappy people who believe there’s no other way. I’m talking about a person that never takes care of himself. They just take care of others all the time.
I’m talking about entrepreneurs who do not take care of their health because they are too busy with their company. Until one day, they end up in a hospital and don’t understand why. And they wonder, “Why me? That’s not fair, I’m doing everything right, working to provide a great lifestyle for my family, putting the kids in a private school, paying the house mortgage, saving for my retirement, etc. “
So, they think life is not fair and they blame God, Jesus, the Universe for their illness, instead of looking at their past actions and realizing that their situation today is just a result of choices.
In all seriousness, victimhood is no doubt the biggest barrier to human progress. So, I have to break the news, and the truth is at some level of your life, you’re playing a victim.
As you can see, there’re so many ways to be a victim and not take charge of your life. Now, I challenge you to see if you can fit in one of those examples above. I bet you can and maybe in more than one.
And if I could tell more about your life, I would say that when you have a problem, you get frustrated because you can’t find a solution. Then you get down, sad and guess what? The first thing that you do is to play the victim card.
Why? Because a lot of people believe their problems are caused by other people’s jealousy, or it’s because God, Jesus or the Universe. They even believe that if there are so many bad people out there, why is this bad thing happening to them. They don’t realize that being a mess the is main reason their lives are not progressing.
At the end of the day, you have to allow yourself some time for disappointment when bad things happen. Then it’s time to move on and put your energy into the next thing.
Then, my question for you is: What are you going to do next time that you have a problem in your life?
Perhaps, next time that you have a problem in your life, you can change the way that you see things and starting seeing problems as a situation and believe that is temporary.
You can shift your thoughts and repeat to yourself: If I’m having this situation, it’s because there’re ways to solve it. I’m an awesome human being, and I have all the tools that I need to change my reality. I can do it.
You will see how solutions will come to your mind easier, and you will start to feel that you are in control of your life.
You will recover your power and start to transform all the unpleasant situations around you, changing your life for the better.
On one hand, you lose the excuse that protects your ego from having to do the hard work of taking responsibility for your life. On the other hand, you gain the inner power to change all the external situations of your life.
And I know that for a lot of people it’s hard to consciously recognize the fact that you have the power to transform your life. And the first step is to stop blaming others for your failures.
There’s a saying that “most of the world is asleep, and only a few are awake.”
Unless you want to live the rest of your days sleepwalking through your life, you need to learn how to reclaim your power and live a legendary life.
The first step is to let the victim mentality be a part of your past and give you a chance to see things in a different perspective. This requires time, observation and dedication. However, the results are priceless.
Recognizing that instead of a victim, you are the creator of our life. And don’t blame yourself because you didn’t get that before. Don’t hold on to your past. From now on, just be more conscious of your behaviors and choices.
A little exercise that you can do is to tell yourself: “I am where I am because I let myself get here.”
Remember, the truth will set you free. And once you embrace this truth, you can start to change as you are no longer giving the power to the external circumstances and situations that have occurred, but are taking the power back into your hands.
And finally, from this moment onwards, don’t let any external circumstances determine your reality, stop being a slave to your scarcity mindset that tells you that you don’t deserve success. Instead, start deciding how you want to live.
There are many factors that go into becoming a success in both your professional and personal life. But one crucial factor that is required is to stop seeing yourself as a victim and start seeing yourself as someone who is in control of yourself, your future, and your life.
I would love to know how the victim mentality is stopping you from succeeding in both life and business in the comments section.
Photo: Flickr/ U.S. Geological Survey