Jayson Gaddis explains how these problems may seem small right now – but will only get bigger and erode what you’ve built together.
It’s another year and you might have already said to yourself “this year will be different, baby!”
It can be fun to catch the wave of other people setting goals and new year’s resolutions.
“Me too. I’m finally going to get in shape!” Or “Yeah, I’m going to make more money!” Or “Yeah dude, I’m finally going to have a great relationship!”
These are fine and all, but rarely does this work. I see it all the time, even with folks who come in to my office.
You make a commitment to get what you want in relationship, only to sabotage it, over and over again.
What’s going on here?
If you know what I’m talking about, and are honest with yourself, you are probably making one of these two mistakes I see everyone, including me (in other areas of my life), make.
Your first mistake:
You use the “hope and pray” approach to getting a better relationship.
Hoping it will get better does absolutely nothing to change your relationship life. Praying to whoever and whatever will get you nothing different either. And yet, I know some of you do this. Be honest.
Trust me, I’ve tried both, plenty.
I’ve also set an “intention” to have a great year with X, Y or Z. And, having an intention is important, but if it’s not follow up with actions, my “intentions” will fall short of manifesting into reality.
Are you going to try these again in 2015? I “hope” not.
And, how about this next tactic?
Your second mistake:
The next mistake is to treat your relationship problems the way you treat yourself when you get sick. What do you do when you are sick?
You pound the tea, herbs, vitamin C, medicine, and anything you can get your hands on to make it go away, right?
Hey, I’m all for fighting of the “bug.”
But chances are you are doing absolutely nothing to address the root cause–your immune system.
The idea is to get sick less and less, right? Not just put out fires when they arise.
In other words, when the going gets rough in your relationship, you look for a quick fix. You go to therapy, you read a book, you search the internet.
All of these work sometimes to settle things down, but they don’t touch the root issue and change it. On the rare occasion a good therapist can go there, but even then, the therapist doesn’t offer a step by step plan for you.
So, instead of this weak approach…
…try doing what successful people do—they set measurable attainable goals and they bust their ass to get there.
A realistic goal in your relationship is NOT “we never fight again.”
A realistic goal IS “I will learn how to fight, so I can get more of what I want in my relationship (sex, connection, love, fun, etc).”
Once you do this, you can now target classes, books and look for resources that have proven systems and formulas to teach you how to learn how to fight.
So, stop putting out fires…
…And start learning how to have a great marriage by setting goals and learning practical methods to help you get there.
Do NOT settle for hoping it will improve.
I’ve got some big offerings coming this year so this is a great place for you to engage.
And, you can always apply for my premium coaching services. But note: I only take you on if you are willing to stop being a victim. If you are, feel free to apply here.
Make this the year to get it done! You will experience relief, pride, and fulfillment knowing you set a goal, went after it, and did it!
Originally appeared on Jayson Gaddis’s blog.
Photo: Flickr/Dan Queiroz