I used to struggle like hell when “almost” scenarios never became a well-lived reality. So many abandoned “almosts” had to die for my mental health’s sake, and the only thing I could control was the imperativeness to let them go.
That almost promotion, new job, well-paying client. That half-assed scenario almost became a full fact that made me wealthy and successful. It almost made me someone.
But now, I was entitled to kill it. Was I strong enough?
Not a bit.
How it happens:
Same story with an almost relationship. The plot goes like this;
I meet someone amazing, and I’m already daydreaming about a future together (because why not? At least I can release some dopamine.) Everything starts with the right foundations. They are intelligent, charming, and communicative. They don’t play games, are honest, and have their own interests and hobbies.
They are not over you but right beside you.
But suddenly, the whole thing between you stops unfolding. The texts come less frequently, they seem less excited, and they find more excuses to cancel your dates. You have started sensing something is wrong.
And then you’re wavering between starting a conversation or letting go and moving on, which is a challenging scenario. After all, it was almost something (but almost nothing) for an official talk.
Like a responsible, emotionally mature adult, you decide to touch that conversation, and then, they break it to you;
”Well, we were never really together.”
“I’m not interested in going forward.”
”I want to keep things casual.”
Worst case scenario, they ghost you.
Letting go of that someone is damn tough. But here, we will make it simple.
Seven healthiest ways to put closure:
1) Accept and embrace your feelings, especially the negative ones.
Forgetting an almost relationship — contrary to breaking up with someone you completed an entire relationship cycle — might be more challenging.
Because alongside that person, you also have to let go of your daydreaming, expectations, and hopes. All those well-felt scenarios that warmed up your heart.
Anything that made you believe in that almost reality has to be forgotten for your own mental health’s sake; you’re entitled to let it go. And that responsibility, alongside the rejection you experienced, hurts — a lot.
You don’t want to diminish the pain or past; you want to seize it as it is.
Acknowledge that it might be indeed hard to let go and move forward and that you aren’t overly sensitive or put all your eggs in one basket too fast. Before you start blaming yourself, give some credit to whatever you feel — because it is real.
Here’s what to do: Accepting your emotions and whatever is out of your control is the most thoughtful and mature way to move on. If you‘re determined to let go, you must undertake the feelings that come along. Don’t try to cover up the hurt; instead, accept the importance of what you felt and fully experience the process of letting go.
2) Create a support system for reality checks.
Nothing feels better when trying to get over someone than kind-hearted family and friends who can see your story for what it really is. Your loved ones know you and can support you in multiple ways, understand your pain, help you with your grief or accompany you in your healing journey.
Debunking someone through reality checks from your trusted cycle can add a bittersweet note to the pain. Having them remind you of the whole situation, the mismatch of desires, and everything you’re worth in a relationship can significantly impact your healing process — because you feel loved.
Here’s what to do: List all the reasons that make that person wrong for you and ask people you love to often remind you why that person couldn’t meet your needs.
Speaking of love…
3) Focus on self-care and self-love.
When you are vibrating self-love, you don’t waste your energy on people who are not invested in you because you know your worth — you deserve better, and that is that.
When you focus on self-care, have a purpose, and commit to continuous growth, you don’t care when someone doesn’t choose to be in your life because your priority is your inner growth, values, and purpose.
Whoever cannot align with those is probably not for you.
Here’s what to do: Perform an act of love to yourself daily and try to look inward. Learn your boundaries, but most importantly -know how to communicate them.
4) Acknowledge and establish your needs early on.
Letting go of irrelevant people before you become attached is essential. Here’s the truth: the more preoccupied you become with the wrong person, the more brutal the process of letting go becomes.
In addition, when you are attached to the wrong person, you end up stealing the energy away from the right person. When you recognize a mismatch in your desires early on, you don’t end up preoccupied with the wrong people.
Here’s what to do: Establish your needs and communicate them assertively as early as possible. Always know what you want out of life, why you want it, and how willing you’re to take action. Remember: your needs are not good or bad; they are your needs; whoever can’t fulfill them or is scared of them is not worth your time.
5) Don’t rush into someone else immediately.
When you are trying to forget someone, it can be tempting to run into someone else’s hug to cover up the pain you‘re feeling.
However, this can often be damaging for the following reasons:
When entering a new relationship, you may compare your partners, leading to resentment and preventing you from truly moving on.
In addition, you might carry the emotional baggage and trauma bond to the next relationship, having false expectations that the new partner will somehow make up for your past loss. However, no human can do that.
Here’s what to do: Take the time to process your feelings, heal your wounds, and allow yourself to introspect. When your heart is finally ready, the right person will find you.
I’m here for you. Letting go of someone you consider unique can certainly be heartbreaking and leave you with insecurities and question marks.
It doesn’t have to feel this way, and you have the power to work the situation in your favor with the above tips.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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