Twelve Good Men Project writers got together to give you that advice you didn’t know you needed, but just might be better off for having read.
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What’s better than one more list of advice and pithy sayings from friends, family, and co-workers after you’ve graduated? How about multiple lists, all compiled into one beautiful, prodigious post.
Here you go, men and women of the class of 2016.
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Your gifts are needed.
We don’t need another Mark Zuckerberg or Steph Curry. We need you. And we need you to be the best version of you possible.
It’s totally fine if you don’t know what all your strengths are quite yet. They will continue to unfold throughout your life. For now, just know you have gifts. You have important gifts that no one else has.
It took me a long time to realize that I don’t need to be like everyone else and I don’t need to make everyone else happy. I hope you’ll figure this out sooner than I did.
Be yourself. Know that you’re enough. Know that you matter.
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From Yvonne Spence:
I knew you when you were younger, when you came to play with my daughters. You all played together, boys and girls equal. No taking sides, no “us and them.”
You ran in and out of the house, and your laughter swirled in summer sunshine. You and my daughters climbed trees together, played hide and seek, tag; you all shot pellet guns, cycled the block, dangled from the overhead bars of our swing. You built snowmen together, rolled down the hill. Your laughter danced in snowy air as you breathlessly chased each other.
There was no “us and them.”
You came in from the cold or from the heat, and drank hot chocolate or cold juice. You flopped onto sofas and watched Doctor Who and Harry Potter DVDs or played Minecraft.
Then something changed. We haven’t seen you in years.
But I remember how kind you were, how respectful. Now, when you go to college, other men may be less respectful. Please don’t join in. Please remember that inside all young women are girls just like your former playmates. They are still your equals and deserve the same respect you showed then.
I know you can do this, because I’ve seen you do it.
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From Molly Penningtn, PhD:
Get to know girls. I mean really get to know them. Statistically, girls outperform boys academically. Experts claim this is because they read and study more, but they’re probably also trying to overcome stereotypes that claim their main interests are nail polish and bunny rabbits. You know that there is plenty of room in the female brain for math, science, theory, cosmetics, bunnies and millions upon millions of other interests. Girls are interesting. Pay attention to what they have to say.
Chances are, everyone you meet will have emerged from their own private hell at some point—or they could be operating from within one. Even people who you might tag as “douches.” So above all, be kind. It’s almost more important than anything else.
I know that you don’t really understand “white privilege” yet. Please trust me on this: you operate with a lot of that stuff. It means that your life is different and easier than the lives of minorities (people of color, women, the gender fluid, ETC). Be aware of your privilege. Dismantle it. Contort yourself into positions that allow you to understand the perspectives of minorities. This will not be comfortable, but it will be crucial.
Procrastination is something that should inspire terror. In contrast, deadlines are your friend. Find the discipline to force yourself to study in increments. Break huge projects, papers and test prep down into manageable chunks and work on a piece each day. Reward yourself after.
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Dear Graduates,
My top piece of advice is to worry less. I know it’s easier said than done, especially when everything feels like it’s unhinged and up in the air. Worrying won’t get you far, even though you might not be able to stop it. As a suggestion, remember you’ve come this far: whether by luck or effort, help from family and friends or pure chance. When you’re in that spiraling, stomach-turning state of anxiety, stress or worry, devote time considering where you are NOW. Even if it’s not exactly where you want to be, it’s somewhere. And somewhere is better than nowhere.
Most people spend way too much time worrying about how it’s “supposed to be,” which takes us away from how it really is. So as you start college, start working at a new job, or weigh options of what’s available to you, choose something by taking action. Worry is paralyzing, but action makes everything better. It will all work out.
The worrying is unnecessary. If you can’t shake the worry, express it to someone. Sharing the concern is a great antidote to keeping it contained in your mind. Congratulations on this momentous life event! I assure you to take a deep breath (or five) and know you’re where you need to be.
Love,
Nina Rubin, M.A.
Life Coach
www.coachingbyninarubin.com
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Congratulations!
Your education is at an end.
Yet, is only just beginning.
If I could say one thing, offer one piece of advice, it would be to do your best to keep your mind wide open to getting all the education you can, going forward, in the school of life.
This can’t be taught in any classroom. It must be experienced in every day living, human interaction, through the people we inevitably all come across.
People we meet can end up being our biggest teachers, through interactions, often unexpected and what may feel like just another mundane part of life.
But make a real effort to look deeper, speak to a stranger, give someone a chance, even if you thought you never would.
Education is a lifelong journey and you may find yourselves receiving a lesson, valuable beyond words, simply from another’s perspective, wisdom which has been passed on to you.
Empathy, the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes, that is a lesson that must be learned and relearned, all through life, but there is no other lesson more worth learning.
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From columnist Austin Hodgens:
In addition to whatever it says on your diploma, college taught you that you can do pretty much anything you set your mind to, no matter how ridiculous, on virtually no sleep, and with little to no consequences. How much trouble did you really get into with the RA for that wild party you threw? Did Campus Police lock you away with hardened criminals when you ran afoul of the school’s archaic regulations? Did the professor dismiss you from class for your numerous absences, failure to turn in assignments, or for flirting with your peers during class time?
Maybe they won’t let you remain here since you’ve earned your degree, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t take college with you. Refuse to conform to the rules of the rat race. Don’t accept the first job that’s offered, or even go on any interviews if they are simply to land a soul-sucking gig that pays the student loans. Share an apartment with a bunch of fellow graduates, stay up well past the evening news, and live off cold pizza, lukewarm beer, and ramen noodles.
Most importantly, chase after whatever dream that has burned inside you since you first met that professor who changed the way you look at life. You owe it to your college self to at least make an attempt to pursue the risky career that might not pay the bills right away, but fills you with a passion that makes getting up out of bed before noon a worthwhile sacrifice.
There are enough drones in suits out there to fill the dead end jobs quota. Those mindless desk sentences will still be waiting to bore you to death after you do everything possible to make a go of it at the job your little heart so desperately desires, and your ego craves in order for your life to have any true meaning.
Sure, this quest for soul fire is going to make your mother weep and earn you stern looks from your father as he pours himself yet another Scotch and mumbles under his breath about how he never would’ve been allowed to waste his life like this, but ignore the parental drama.
It’s your life, graduates.
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How to Give a Damn Now That You’ve Graduated
By Carrie Tinsley/Carrie On Y’all
Congratulations, graduates! You’ve worked hard (or skated by), but someone handed you the piece of paper saying you did it. Well done. Go update your resumé. Here’s a secret I learned based on many years as a high school English teacher:
Those who give a damn shall succeed. Though we live in an instant gratification society, you, young friends, are at the bottom of the totem pole. From today forward, it is your work ethic (not your new degree or your parents’ reputation) that will separate you from the pack.
You won’t be the boss on the first day. You may not even get to work in your field right away. However,if you give a damn about how you present yourself to the world, trust me, others will notice and help you move up.
Some Give-a-Damn Advice:
1. Show up to work on time.
2. Demonstrate some initiative and creativity in your tasks (not just the minimum).
3. Shake hands and look others in the eye.
4. Learn people’s names. Introduce yourself again if you forget a name.
5. Treat everyone, from the cleaning staff to your boss, with respect.
6. Admit your mistakes. Don’t make excuses or blame others if you screw up.
7. Put your phone away and interact.
8. Make deadlines.
9. Collaborate with your team and give credit appropriately.
10. Above all, take pride in your work, whatever it is.
And move out of your parents’ basement. You’ll all be happier, I promise. Good luck!
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These are my favorite pieces of advice I think of daily (and that I stole from others):
- Tell me what you know–always, truthfully, and in complete sentences.
- When you’ve finished eating, clean your bowl.
- There is really nothing you must be and there is nothing you must do. There is really nothing you must have and there is nothing you must know. There is really nothing you must become. However, it helps to understand that fire burns, and when it rains, the earth gets wet.
- Keep Right. And: if you always do the right thing, you’ll always do the right thing.
- Don’t be an asshole.
- Some of you should be relaxing (you know who you are), and some of you should be getting to work (you know who you are).
- Sometimes you need an ambulance, and sometimes you just need a tall glass of water.
- God damn it, you’ve got to be kind. (Kurt Vonnegut Jr.)
Read the rest of the best 147 pieces of advice from the talk I give to my high school seniors ever year.
From Jeremy McKeen, gum-chewing English teacher and Bergamot Ink Columnist.
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From Kara Post-Kennedy:
When my Father was alive, he had one wish he articulated on a regular basis: he wanted a magic wand. He, like all of us, wished for the magical ability to solve our problems and the problems of the world with a single stroke.
The reality is we do have a “magic wand” at our disposal at all times: RESPECT. Respect for ourselves, respect for others, respect for the planet, respect for our oneness.
When we truly respect life, we are one with everything. When we fully respect ourselves, we have absolute faith that not only are we prepared and capable of accomplishing our goals, we were all born to make a difference in the world.
Trickle-down economics has proven to be a bust, but trickle-down respect is a movement I can get behind. Treat your whole self with respect—your body, your mind, your soul and yes, especially your dreams—and that self-respect will impact every single person you come in contact with in a positive way. Think of your actions as throwing a stone into a pond; not only is the point of impact affected, but ripples go out in every direction for a radius you have no way of predicting.
Failure to recognize your impact on humanity is the epitome of a lack of self-respect. Respect yourself and realize that everything you are and everything you do truly matters.
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From Ned Hickson, (syndicated humor columnist):
Whether you’re graduating from high school, trade school or after eight long years of pursuing that liberal arts degree with a specialty in tofu density, the same piece of advice applies as you embark on the next phase of your young life: Never, under any circumstance, wear dark knee-high socks with your sandals. There really are police assigned specifically for that infraction, so don’t take the chance of ruining an otherwise bright future in tofu density research with jail time.
In addition, remember to always be in a state of continuing education through your life. Not just in your chosen occupation, but more importantly in the life you chose for yourself and the people in it. Never stop learning about what it means to be a good person, how to love your very best, and in what ways you can improve the lives of those around you. At some point, careers change — sometimes for the better, sometimes not so much — but living a fulfilling life through the people in it will always be a future full of reward and satisfaction.
But the first step to that kind of life can’t be taken while wearing knee-high dark socks and sandals…
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From Rob Ainbinder:
To you men of the class of 2016, you have the world at your feet. If you’ll indulge me a moment I’d like to share with you some hard fought lessons. First, regardless of your background, treat a women like a person, not a belonging. Like a woman, not a pet. She is an entire person ready to be appreciated and she might even fall in love you. But, you have plenty of time. Enjoy the journey.
If you are a little uptight about college or, the job market… it’s totally normal. You have the skills now to take the next step. We are in some strange times and we probably will be for the foreseeable future. One absolute constant is change. Adapt, it’s the only way you will stay sane and be employable. There are no guarantees, create your opportunities by asking more questions of the other person than talking about yourself.
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From Kristina Hammer:
Young men. You have reached a defining moment in your lives. The universe is yours for the taking and is waiting eagerly to be claimed. Now is the time to think about what it is you are going to take from it. Do you want to gather large amounts of possibility to hold onto for a rainy day that may never come; hoarding all you can….just in case? Do you want to rope in enough of the galaxy to get by on until you have firmer ground to stand on? Do you want to take nothing from the realm of possibility at all, leaving it all up to fate to decide for you? What you do with the stars aligning to form the path in front of you, rests solely in your hands, and will chart your permanent course through life. There is no going back. No do-overs. No changing your mind once you step out into the galaxy as a graduate. The life you will live, until you take your very last breath, starts right now. There will never be another greater and open-ended opportunity to shape the foundation of all that is to come your way. Will you take ownership of the planets and cultivate them for success? Will you renew the sun so it shall never combust, sucking the world as you know it into a blackhole of hell? Will you pave the way to newfound galaxies, bringing welcome change and endless potential to those who share this universe side by side? It is your time to shine. Your time to rocket into space and be the captain of your own crew. Do so as if no other has gone before you. As if your life depends on it. Because, it does. Be the man no man has ever seen before – let the world revolve around the supernova built with your blood, sweat, and tears – for the choice is yours now and the future is all that you make of it in this very moment right now. Choose wisely.
It’s your galaxy.
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Photo: Flickr/idk
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