Tommy Maloney thinks about the future while he’s parenting in the now.
Today I was able to spend time with two of my favorite ladies and that would be my mom and grandmother. My mom is in town for a girl’s trip with my grandmother headed to Beaver Creek Colorado. My mom was a single mom, and my grandmother was married for 70 years to my grandfather who passed away last July. I really got to watch them interact today more of a third party perspective. The old line about being able to choose your friends but you cannot choose your family is so true. As I watched, I could not help but think of what my relationship with my son will be like when he is an adult.
I was a stay-at-home dad and loved every minute because I was able to create a bond with my son Connor. We had our moments after his mom and I divorced when he would not want to spend time with me and that hurt me deeply. I went to a wedding where the groom’s best man was his dad and I thought that was so wonderful. That, in my opinion, is a tight bond between son and dad. That would be my hope—being Connor’s best man.
How do you hope your relationship will turn out with your kids? I honestly took my relationship with Connor for granted for a while, because my thought was simple and that is, you get married once. After my divorce, I felt so much shame for having a failed marriage that I could not face my son. The divorce was officially finalized on December 23, MERRY F%*^!#G Christmas. That first Christmas I hid from Connor, because again I just did not handle the divorce very well. I drank a lot and really shut down.
Today I picked Connor up to take him to hockey practice and as we were heading to the rink he asked if I could take him to his game tomorrow? When he asks me thing such as this, it means so much to me. The way I interpret his question is that he still enjoys spending time together. My mom and grandmother are going to be in a car together for a couple of hours, are they enjoying their time together? I assume deep down that they would both say “yes” because they have a pretty good relationship, even when they are getting on each other’s nerves. I picture Connor and I taking father/son trips in our later years. I picture him and myself talking about our past and maybe the future in a car or even on a plane but at least we are talking.
So ask yourself, what is your relationship going to be as you get older with your kids? I think the true test: if they got to choose, would they have chosen you as their dad?