A common complaint men have about women is that they never say they’re sorry…for anything…ever.
Here’s what I know about these men. I know this because I was one.
My frustration with a woman’s inability to apologize was caused by my desire for reciprocation.
In other words, I spent so much time apologizing for everything I just wanted to hear her say it back – just once!
And therein lies the curse of the apologetic husband.
The more you accept blame and apologize the more angry and frustrated you will get about her not doing the same.
What if you just stopped apologizing?
What if you decided you had nothing to apologize for?
Do you think you would notice anymore if she wasn’t apologizing?
I think not. But that’s going to be hard, isn’t it?
That’s because some of us tend to apologize for anything and everything – even if we’ve done nothing wrong. Have you ever had a friend like that?
A guy like that will never get an apology from a woman. She knows his “apologitis” (a new disease I just made up) is caused by his desire to make her like him or approve of him.
I used to apologize for everything thinking that’s what nice guys do, right?
We fall on our sword. And women should dig that. The more we apologize, the more she will think we’re honest, kind and trustworthy.
And then she’ll want sex “fer sure!”
Wrong again. To her, “apologitis” feels tremendously annoying, manipulative, unmasculine and unsexy.
Because the only reason we are doing it is to make her like us or get her to apologize in return. It’s another one of those secret deals the “nice husband” makes to manipulate her into giving him what he wants.
And she can smell that on us at the molecular level.
Do you see now why it’s a losing proposition?
The Stupid Things We Apologize For
I want to challenge you to go “cold turkey” for 30 days. Stop apologizing for stupid things.
What stupid things, you ask? Here’s a quick list off the top of my head.
Do you make any of these apologies on a regular basis?
- Apologize for her being mad
- Apologize if she is upset about anything
- Apologize for her bad news
- Apologize for working late
- Apologize for wanting sex
- Apologize for being attracted to her
- Apologize for just wanting to help
- Apologize for being a man
- Apologize for wanting time with your friends
- Apologize for wanting affection
- Apologize for not being able to read and listen to her at the same time
- Apologize for touching or kissing her
- Apologize for waking up with a raging erection
- Apologize for not reading her mind
- Apologize for not knowing what is bothering her
Really, Stop Saying Stuff Like This
This is what it sounds like.
“I’m sorry if this doesn’t make you happy”
“I’m sorry that me just trying to help you makes you mad”
“I’m sorry if I said something wrong”
“I’m sorry if wanting a kiss upset you”
“I’m sorry you’re uncomfortable when I initiate sex”
“I’m sorry your parents are absolutely freaking nuts and you feel like a victim and controlled by them.”
I’m not saying you should stop being a kind, compassionate, empathetic, caring and considerate man.
I’m saying you should stop with the “apologitis”. There are much better, more attractive ways to handle those issues.
The truth is you’re really not sorry for those things.
You’re just saying so because that’s what “nice husbands” do.
You’re hoping maybe she’ll say she’s sorry too. Maybe she will appreciate you more.
Don’t do that. Thirty days. That’s your challenge.
Email me and tell me how it feels.
I predict you will feel liberated.
And you just might hear your first apology from her!
If you’re a man who wants to do less apologizing and create more loving, then this free ebook is for you. It’s the no-nonsense approach to being the man you really want to be. Download The Hard-to-Swallow Secret to Saving Your Marriage HERE.
Photo: Matt Wu/Flickr