After closing a huge deal, and almost ten years with his company, Tyler was let go. That was only the beginning.
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As I awoke that Friday morning at the end of June, I was unaware how my life was about to change. I was still on cloud nine after closing an important partnership deal the day before. I’d spent most of the last year trying to get the agreement signed. All of the phone calls, negotiations, and cross-country flights had finally paid off.
As soon as I dialed in, my manager said, “Tyler, our HR Director is also on the line.” My heart started racing.
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Getting that deal closed was the boost I needed. I’d been unhappy for awhile and the last six months had been especially challenging. As much as I tried to hide it, my head wasn’t in the game anymore, and people were noticing. Every day felt like a dreaded Monday.
But in spite of everything, on that morning, I was feeling better than I’d felt in a long time.
I had a call scheduled with my manager that morning. Minutes before the call, he sent a message telling me to call into a teleconference. That wasn’t normal, but I was so excited to share my news that I didn’t think twice about it.
As soon as I dialed in, my manager said, “Tyler, our HR Director is also on the line.” My heart started racing. I knew what was happening. I’d been on the other side of these calls before, but never on the receiving end.
Much of what he said after that was a blur, except when he said “your skill set is no longer the right fit for our organization, so we are letting you go effective immediately.”
I was speechless. I was just 35 days short of ten years at the company, and I’d just finalized that partnership agreement less than 24 hours earlier. I’d been a key contributor as the company grew from 50 employees and $8 million in revenues to over 400 employees and nearly $100 million in revenues. I’d been responsible for launching and growing sales of new products, and had closed a deal with Apple to sell our products in their retail stores.
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So many thoughts were racing inside my head. How had this happened? How was my skill set now not the right fit? I sat there trying to make sense of what had just happened.
After about thirty minutes, I called my wife. As I explained what happened, I broke down and cried. I tried to reassure her that we would be okay, but I was hurting. It felt like I’d been sucker-punched in the stomach.
The Journey Begins
I started the job search on Monday. I was feeling positive that things would be okay, but it didn’t last long. I hadn’t searched for a job for over 20 years, and I quickly realized how mentally unprepared I was. I doubted my skills and abilities. I didn’t know how to market myself. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do anymore.
As the days went by, I half-heartedly searched as I became more and more depressed. It took every ounce of energy just to get out of bed. I felt hopeless and miserable and was making my wife and son miserable, too.
It was early August and my 44th birthday. By then I’d reached a low point both mentally and emotionally. My only motivation was knowing my family needed me and deserved better. I had to figure this out, but I didn’t know how.
I don’t remember there being a specific a-ha moment, but something changed in my thinking the following Monday. That morning I made the conscious decision to change my attitude. I committed myself to take action and get to a better place. I can’t fully explain what sparked it, but ever since I’ve been on a journey that has changed everything.
Maybe you’re going through something similar, and you’re struggling with where to turn or what to do next. At the darkest moments, you wonder whether you’ll ever get back to normal. Anyone who has been through this has had similar feelings; you are not alone.
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But if you’re motivated and ready to get yourself out of this situation, here’s three important steps that helped turn things around for me.
1. It’s okay to express your feelings. Losing your job is one of the most stressful events in life. You’re stressing about your finances. You feel frustrated and hopeless. Your ego’s bruised. But instead of acknowledging these feelings, most of us shut down and ignore them. We’ve grown up in this culture that says we aren’t supposed to cry or show our feelings. Forget that. Express your feelings and deal with them. Otherwise, they will eat away at you and keep you from moving forward.
2. You have to become a self-expert. You have to stop blaming everything else and take 100% responsibility for what has happened to you. Be honest with yourself and explore what’s most important to you personally and professionally. Decide what type of work you enjoy and that would be a good fit. Doing this made me realize how I’d been doing work that conflicted with what was most important, like the extensive business travel that often kept me away from my wife and son.
3. Keep a journal. It doesn’t sound very manly, but journaling has several benefits. It provides an outlet to express thoughts that you might otherwise feel uncomfortable sharing. It helps clarify your thinking. And during those times when you’re having doubts or feeling down, go back and read some of your past entries. That’s been a great source of motivation for me and has helped me see how I’ve progressed.
The Journey Continues
After several weeks of going through these and other steps, I decided my path to re-employment was as a writer, speaker and coach. The hardest part of that decision was telling my wife I wasn’t going back to a regular job. And while that conversation went better than expected, the entire experience has been anything but easy.
It took everything above and more to get to where I am today.
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Seven months later, I haven’t made the progress I’d expected and I’ve had to re-focus my efforts. And although I have the flexibility to volunteer at my son’s school and take him to activities, my wife’s job has been more demanding than ever. She has been amazingly supportive, but resentment and doubts have been building, and I can’t blame her for that.
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Regardless of the path you choose towards re-employment, know that these type of feelings are inevitable until you’re bringing in income again. And make sure you’re showing your appreciation for all of her support.
It took everything above and more to get to where I am today. I’ve had to face my biggest fears and get outside of my comfort zone. The experience has made me what I am today, but I still have a long way to go.
When will your journey begin?
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Photo: Flickr/ Kat N.L.M.
Thanks for this brave post Tyler.
Being in a downturn-industry, I feel the threat of lay-offs very day.
Congratulations on your courage to start your own venture, and wishing you the very best.
Thank you for the kind words Aaron.
Good article Tyler. Been there had that done to me too and for quite awhile i was in that uglt space. At the time in the early 90’s jobs were not easy to come by so figured out a plan that served me well at the time and ever since. If you’re ever stuck, just DO something. Anything. You start all sorts of things in motion just by DOING something. Take that job at McDonald’s or load freight for FedEx. Did that too. All good just to get moving forward again. Now. I’m almost 60 and plan on saying bye… Read more »
Thanks Mark. Your advice to just DO something is spot on!
Thank you so much for this article. I am facing an impending lay-off from a job which I have known was no longer a good fit for me for quite some time now. My superior called me in the office yesterday and told me, and it took everything in me to not leap for joy right there. My last day is June 30th. I am excited to step into the next season of my career. I was laid off years ago and it was the darkest and most depressing time of my life. I was (and still am) a single… Read more »
Thanks for commenting Tyra, I’m glad you found encouragement in this. The pain and struggles you suffered through the first time are far too common, but it sounds like your a better person because of it all. What you said about finding work that is aligned with who you are and that has an impact, that’s a fantastic feeling, isn’t it? 🙂