Hey God,
I can’t believe that I actually made it to Heaven, especially since I had kind of given up on the idea. Heck, who am I kidding? I became a total heretic to my past self.
But, I suppose I never became a heretic to you.
Thanks for being spacious and gracious enough to accommodate my doubts and my questions. Speaking of questions, though… Since we have all of eternity together here, I’m wondering whether you can spare a few minutes to answer a question or thirty?
Yeah, I know… I’m a curious sort, but you made me that way.
Would you mind?
Very kind.
Much obliged.
Here goes, God:
Did my prayers make any difference?
I must have spent hundreds of hours of my life in prayer. God, I want to know if you heard me and what changed because I prayed. I want to know what — if anything — shifted in the spiritual world just because I asked. I was once told that prayer is our stake in running the universe — that it was possible to change your mind with our petitions. Is that true?
Why did you create the world in the first place?
It seems logical to me that, being God and all, you must be some fully realized, self-sufficient being that doesn’t need anything external to exist. So, why make the world? Do you just like making stuff?
Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?
Hey, they weren’t born like the rest of us… apparently. So did they have belly buttons or not? They certainly didn’t need them, but how shocked would Adam and Eve have been when their kids were born with a “hole” in their tummy?
Why did you even create beings that you knew would reject you?
If I knew in advance that my kids would ultimately reject me despite how much I might love them, I probably wouldn’t have had kids. Was the joy worth the pain?
Why did you create a world that included suffering and pain?
Somehow I think this question, or a variation of it, would be on most people’s list of questions to ask. Surely, God, there is a way that you could have made the world with less suffering? Why is life just so darn hard sometimes? Why, God, why?
Why do mosquitos exist?
They are a pest. Really, God?
What happened to the dinosaurs?
Let’s settle the arguments once and for all. Was it really an asteroid colliding with the earth?
What was your favorite place on earth?
I reckon if I had created the earth, there might be one or two spots that I would be particularly fond of and visit more than occasionally. Which little corner of the earth is your favorite?
To what extent are you actually in control of everything?
My life feels like chaos a lot of the time. Heck, the whole world feels like it’s in chaos a lot of the time. I was told my whole life that you are in control, but it sure doesn’t feel like it. Did you just create the world and then push us out into the vast cosmos to fend for ourselves? Or do you actually control every little thing? Or is it something in between?
Is there such a thing as coincidence or luck?
I once made a bet with a friend that if I successfully landed a half-court basketball shot, he would have to come to church with me. I closed my eyes, threw the ball as hard as I could, and “Swish!” It went in!
Was that luck, or did you have a hand in it?
What was the lowest point of human history for you?
I can think of a few occasions when humanity didn’t exactly do itself proud: 1945, January 6, September 11, and so on and so forth. You’ve witnessed it all first-hand. What do you think was the lowest point of human history?
How much did you intervene in the day-to-day affairs of people?
I’ll bet one of the hardest things about being God is wanting to step in all the time and try to make things right. Then again, I have this feeling that sometimes you do step in, in any case. Where’s the line, God?
When you didn’t intervene, why not?
Okay, so when you didn’t stop something bad from happening… why not? I don’t pretend to understand why you wouldn’t stop it if you could. Explain it to me, please, God.
What surprises you the most about humankind?
Apparently, you know all things, so I suppose nothing surprises you, really. On the other hand, you seem to have given human beings a fair degree of freedom and autonomy, which is nothing less than what I would expect from an all-loving being. So, tell me… were you ever surprised by people?
What’s the one thing you most want humankind to know about you?
I have a feeling that I already know the answer to this question, but tell me, all the same. What do you really want us to know about you?
What is the lesson you wish human beings would learn much quicker than what they do?
I can’t speak for the whole of humanity, but I know that it takes me an awfully long time to learn some of the most basic life lessons. It must be frustrating for you to watch us take baby steps and continually fall flat on our faces.
What brings you the most joy?
When I look at my own kids, it makes me happy when they all play nice together without yelling, hitting, and competing to see who is the best. Is it the same for you?
What brings you the most heartache?
I suppose you must feel heartache, too? Since we were made like you and we sure as hell, feel heartache. What is it that breaks your heart, God?
What is your favorite color?
I have a feeling it might be green since green is the most commonly occurring color in nature. It would be cool to know, though.
What was the real reason that Jesus came?
Hey… I know what I’ve been told in the church: That Jesus came to pay the price of our sins by taking our punishment on the cross and blah, blah, blah. But, honestly, it leaves me scratching my head. No one has been able to satisfactorily explain how our sinfulness was so bad that it left you no choice but to brutalize, torture, and kill your own son to satisfy the law that you made up in the first place. Tell me the REAL reason Jesus came!
How do you find the balance between justice and mercy?
Good things happen to bad people. Bad things happen to good people. The wicked get their way while many good men suffer their entire lives? Why? What are you going to do to make it right?
Do you feel that the church has represented you well?
Back in the beginning, the church seemed pretty good at drawing people to you. But, the church in my day seems to be doing a pretty good job of driving people away. Where did the church go wrong?
What’s it like when people misrepresent you?
I’m only human, but I would get pretty pissed if people carried out terrible acts of violence, injustice, and prejudice and claimed to do it with my authority and blessing. How do you stop yourself from lashing out at that?
Is Hell for real?
I suppose Heaven is real since I’m here now… but what about Hell? The church I grew up in convinced me that following you was all about avoiding a place called Hell. God, it made me afraid of you for such a long time. Tell me, God, is Hell for real, and who goes there?
What was the meaning of life?
It’s all immaterial now… since I’m dead and all… but what was the meaning of life? Was I close?
What occasion in my life did you most want me to be aware of your presence with me?
There were times in my life when I knew you were close. It was almost as if I could feel your very breath on the back of my neck. But, there were just as many times when I cried out in the darkness, and all that returned was the echo of my own pitiful cry. I felt so alone. Tell me… were you there then?
Was there ever an occasion when you were ashamed of me?
I’ve messed up. I know it. And I feel ashamed of myself, sometimes. But, I’ve noticed that I hardly ever feel ashamed of my kids. If I feel some mild embarrassment for something stupid that they did, it passes so quickly. Were you ever ashamed of me? Or is that an emotion that I use to punish myself?
When were you most proud of me?
God, I gave life my best shot. I honestly did. It didn’t exactly go to plan, but I had such great intentions. I tried so hard. I just wanted to make you proud. Were you proud?
Why is it that, no matter how much I wanted it and how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to change?
I tried to change. You know I tried. But I never seemed to be able to master myself. I was told that following you would transform my life… but all it seemed to do was make me much more accepting of my imperfections. Maybe that was the point.
God, can you please explain the Medium Algorithm to me?
Somehow I think that even you can’t answer this question. Why is it that I can agonize for days to produce a piece of writing that is intelligent, insightful, and beautiful… and then have absolutely no one read it? Then the next day, I can mindlessly punch out a satirical piece in five minutes flat about testicles, and it’s an instant hit? Explain to me how Medium really works, please, God!
What question would you most like me to ask?
I’ve done all the talking here, God. That always seems to be the way of it. But tell me something… what question would you most like me to ask you?
What now, God?
That’s all the questions I have, for now, God. Thanks for listening to me. If I have any more, I’ll get back to you.
I suppose we have a very long time to get to know each other.
So, what now?
. . .
How about you?
Imagine that you did get the opportunity to ask God a question or two. What would you ask? Feel free to share in the comments.
While I was taught never to question God, somehow, I think God can handle it.
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This post was previously published on Backyard Church.
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