Yoga pants aren’t just for the yoga studio anymore. And if the trend doesn’t die soon, Nathan Graziano may be doomed.
I’m obsessed with yoga pants. There, I said it. I can’t stop thinking about those damn yoga pants.
While I realize there is nothing shocking or revelatory about a heterosexual male saying that he has become captivated by a female fashion-trend that has obliterated the need for imagination, I like to think my obsession transcends the salacious. I like to envision myself as someone thoughtful and modern and progressive. But when it comes to yoga pants, I’m not.
Yoga pants have brought out my worst chauvinistic characteristics—the characteristics I’d like deny exist inside me. But when it comes to yoga pants, I can’t.
I understand that revealing clothing is nothing novel. For decades now, health clubs or fitness centers—we’ll use the word “gyms” for semantic purposes—have cultivated atmospheres not entirely dissimilar to soft-core pornography.
At any gym, on any given day, one can find both men and women, either scantily clad or in skintight workout clothes, who are in great physical condition, sweating and grunting and breathing heavy, pumping and pushing and thrusting. In microcosm, people at the gym are behaving according to their ascribed gender roles: the women trying to stay trim and sexy and fit and the men running and lifting to stay strong and hard and virile.
For my part, I am guilty as charged.
As a jogger, the New England winter—and my aversion to running on ice—recently drove me to join a gym for the sole use of a treadmill. But try as I may, earplugs inserted and Iron Maiden cranking and dimming my hearing, I have to employ a Buddhist-like asceticism to keep to from glancing at the attractive women and their yoga pants.
In fairness to myself, one cannot dismiss the biological components—the animalistic lure and the firing of pheromones—for both sexes of all sexual orientations, when an attractive person who is provocatively dressed passes the line of vision. It is reflexive, involuntary.
Let me start by saying that women have every right to wear whatever they want, where they want, without having to be leered at and objectified. Intellectually and philosophically, I know this. And the ex-Catholic in me tries his best to recognize the lechery and look away as the minutes and miles tick off on the treadmill’s dashboard in front of me.
Sometimes I succeed. Often I don’t.
My obsession, however, has been exacerbated by the ubiquity of women yoga pants outside of the gym. From supermarkets to bars and restaurants to semi-formal affairs, I can’t seem to escape women in yoga pants.
If the fashion doesn’t die soon, I consider myself doomed.
I will be the first to admit that I have the fashion sense of an ashtray. I still haven’t moved past the ripped jeans, band t-shirts and flannel styles of the grunge-era. So if it is genuinely stylish for women to wear yoga pants everywhere at all times, I most-definitely missed this.
And when I ask women about yoga pants—hoping they’ll tell me the trend will pass—most women tell me that it isn’t that yoga pants are fashionable, per se, but they are comfortable to wear. As a claustrophobic guy, I couldn’t imagine being comfortable in anything that tight, but I’m going to suspend my disbelief and assume they are, indeed, comfortable.
But baggy sweatpants are also comfortable, so I can only assume there’s more to it. There is an implicit game here—the age-old tease where women flaunt and men look. Again, we’re simplifying ourselves according to a Y-chromosome.
Of course, fashion trends where women leave little to the imagination are not unprecedented. For example, I like to think the emergence of the bikini or the mini-skirt—hell, even the corset— in popular culture caused similar responses from men. And I know I’m not alone here. Websites and blogs, such as Girls in Yoga Pants, affirm for me the one thing I’ve always known about my gender: men are pigs.
But women are also complicit here. Again, I’m not asserting that the egregious rape-mentality of dangerous men—the ones who believe if a woman dresses provocatively, she is “asking for it”—has any validity. It unequivocally does not. However, I have a hard time believing that—outside of the gym or the yoga classes—women wear yoga pants solely for comfort.
Perhaps, the larger issue concerns, collectively, is our own frailties and vanities.
Whether we admit it or not, we all want to be noticed and desired and admired, men as well as women. And perhaps, in a culture blanketed with social media, the looming threat of loneliness has made us so insecure that we can’t leave anything up to chance or depend on another person’s imagination to do its work.
However, if I’m to believe Heidi Klum, one day in fashion you’re in, and the next you’re out. Yoga pants will likely pass, only to be replaced with another, perhaps, more revealing trend.
And there I am, running like a gerbil on the treadmill. At 37 years old, I’m trying to ward off any impending middle-aged flab, trying to remain strong and youthful.
About ten yards in front of me, an attractive blonde with a high ponytail is doing step-aerobics in black yoga pants.
I stare and fear she knows, so I glance down at the dashboard on the treadmill. It reads, 29 minutes, 3.1 miles. Yet, somehow, I’m still going nowhere.
For responses to this article, please read:
Yoga Pants and Unexamined Assumptions by Noah Brand
Father and Son Have “The Talk” – The Yoga Pants Talk by Cornelius Walker
Read more Advice & Confessions.
Image credit: lululemon athletica/Flickr
Ugly, disgusting, fat old-looking trash…you really think that all women in gyms are there to get trim and sexy? I guess you want to diminish all the real female athletes who’re way stronger than you ever dream to be, wuss. I’d beat you to a pulp in you tried to run your sh*t little coward mouth to me in person.
Sorry sweet. As a female, and a lover of working out, I can tell you that women are physically weaker then men. This doesn’t mean all women are stronger then all men, but the strongest of women are about even with an average, fit, youngish guy. Its Testosterone. They have it, we don’t. What I can tell you is this; Yes, Yoga pants are indeed stylish. Luxury exercise clothing is hitting it big. I am also unsure what makes a man better if he does not lust after women. Being a good man doesn’t mean that you don’t lust. It… Read more »
I am a heterosexual male. Because of this, when I see the human female form, my pulse quickens a little, and I think about sex. There is nothing anyone can do about that. However, I am also a gentleman, which in my case means that I always exercise good manners and try not to offend or be rude. I do not stare, because that is rude. I am not a potential rapist, because my desire for sex does not equate to the desire to harm anyone, The fact that seeing an attractive woman makes me think of sex does not… Read more »
Hah- I guess it is about comfort
Shunning Plus-Size Shoppers Is Key To Lululemon’s Strategy, Insiders Say
I think this was a pretty good article (you seem to have a good handle on human fault and objectification), but with some serious faults. Assuming that women are lying to you or not understanding their own actions when they tell you “we wear them because they are comfortable” is pretty telling. I experienced heavy shame and insecurity when I started wearing yoga shorts to the gym to lift weights, because I knew there was a stigma surrounding ‘women who wear yoga pants’. Truth be told, they are incredibly comfortable, breathable, and give me a full range of motion when… Read more »
I had no idea yoga pants are regarded as sexy but then again I don’t go to the gym or yoga class. I practice martial arts, so I’m mostly covered up, but I can understand that certain garments are convenient for exercise and happen to be sexy because they reveal more – this has been true since the Victorian era when bloomers and singlets were considered racy (even today, women’s day wear is called “sportswear” in the fashion world). If you can’t look away from the yoga pants, why not read a book, listen to music, or a book on… Read more »
Even better, why not gouging out one’s eyes…?
That way, there won’t be any temptation of staring or leering, lest not – God forbid! – that a woman might feel a little discomfort somehow.
After all, aren’t men on this planet to submit, serve and obey?
One of the things that is bothering me the most about this discussion is how many people refuse to acknowledge the author’s position is addressing OUTSIDE THE GYM. Those arguing against him always seem to drag it back into the gym. Now, I could make assumptions about motive, such as it’s an easier position to defend, that yoga pants are not worn for “the male gaze” when you pretend they’re only worn in the gym, or doing exercise, but I’ll leave the projection of motive to the ideologs.
But, of course, the sense of entitlement is a close second.
Even junior high girls wear them outside of the gym:
I’m the wrong person to comment on this – my only concern is that the author does not ruin someone else’s workout by acting like a perv, or otherwise act creepy towards women who are just going about their business outside the gym. Of course, my definition of “acting creepy” is biased since I live in a large city. I don’t even notice staring – it’s just a part of big-city life that I disregard along with every other irritation. Then again, I am certainly not buff like some twenty-something avid yoga practitioner, also, admittedly, I dress conservatively for everyday.… Read more »
I’ve chimed in: http://gint-aras.com/2013/03/05/why-men-think-women-dress-for-them/
Nathan got it right except for the whole guilt thing about looking. They get to wear it, we get to look. Full stop.
I find sad that Good MEN Project’s comments are often flooded by “femi-nazi” stances.
It makes this place much less men-friendly and more like the rest of the world: tense, gloomy, conflictual and makes me say… whatever.
BTW, “nazi” = “the whole world must behave MY way”. No exceptions, no leeway, no irony at all. “May the Goddess hit you with lightnings if you dare to slightly annoy a woman, ever”. It sounds like The First Female Reich.
So long to compassion, tolerance and mutual acceptance.
Ok, so now go ahead and bash me. 😉
Because women wanting to be treated differently then they are currently being treated is so totally like the Holocaust, right?
Joke: Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? A: That’s not funny. I do not understand these bizarrely angry women. I am free-spirited and independent, yet I very much enjoy looking at attractive men. Does that make me less independent? Nope. Am I ‘objectifying’ them? I suppose so, in that when I see an attractive man and briefly think of him as a potential sexual partner (what fun!) and then go on my merry way. I just do not see how I have harmed him. I very much doubt that I am the only heterosexual woman… Read more »
@Robin: “I very much doubt that I am the only heterosexual woman who does this, but it seems that I am the only women here.”
I agree with you, most (healthy) women appreciate men’s attention and their (respectful) desire for them. Thus, I’m glad to read your positive comments.
You’re not the only one here who is supportive and understanding of men, but – alas – it seems the GMP is “occupied” by many angry and passive-aggressive man-haters females. 🙁
Thank God for women like you. 🙂
And most men appreciate women’s attention and their (respectful) desire for them.
I can assure you that if an attractive man at the gym is wearing tight biker pants and working out near me, I will be glancing at him. Politely and discreetly, but I will be checking him out. I would be a bit embarrassed if he caught me at it though.
On the other hand, if a man with a buff body is wearing a tight t-shirt and biker pants, it is safe to assume that he wants to be noticed by (hopefully) the opposite sex.
I find it more or less impossible not to notice and even intentionally glance at attractive men dressed in revealing clothing, but it signifies nothing more than that I have eyes that function and that I was born with same biological imperatives that every organic life form on this planet. Let’s not feel shame at biological imperatives, it does no one any good whatsover. Nor should we pretend that women are somehow different than the female of every other species on this planet, and that we can miraculously rise above our procreative impulses because we are better creatures. Although I… Read more »
I wear them because they are so freakin’ comfortable and I am always on the go — work, school, recreation. They are versatile in that I can wear a skirt over them or not, wear a sarong…whatever. If a guy thinks that it’s any more than that, as this author has made pretty clear, that is his own screwed up thinking, plain and simple.
I am so utterly and unbelievably tired of the notion that whatever I do to my body is for male benefit. I dress up – it’s for men to ogle me. I put on make up – it’s for men to ogle me. I do my hair – it’s for men to ogle me. According to men, everything I ever do revolves around their whims and their pleasure. Newsflash, boys: Whatever I do I do it for myself, not for you. You, your needs and your pleasure are all an irrelevant afterthought. And if I choose to do something for… Read more »
I dress for myself *and* to get male attention. I like male attention because, hold on, I am a heterosexual female. I dress as appropriate for work or for a date, but I am never, ever offended at an admiring glance from a man. I know the difference between harmless flirting and sexual harassment and that gap is very wide. Why have women thrown the baby out with the bathwater? And why does it always seem to be the younger women who are so hateful and angry at men? Here’s the truth: The vast majority of men are decent human… Read more »
I’m trying to imagine a related scenario, to see if maybe there could be some double standards here. Let me try this one: Imagine if I was someone who got into fights with other men because I didn’t like the way they looked at me. Suppose I just got out on bail for punching a man who I thought looked at me funny. He looked at me in a way I didn’t like, I took offense, so I did something about it. I wasn’t going to let him get away with it, so I confronted him and taught him a… Read more »
First of all- to argue that you are by no means implying that women are to blame for this fad and then to turn around and say that we are merely eager for attention from men, is completely ridiculous. Men wear shorts to the gym, sometimes wear sleeveless shirts, sometimes they wear bike shorts- now for me to turn around and say that you are wearing those so that the women in the gym can ogle at you while lifting weights, all the while straining to look at yourself in the mirror- would again be wrong. You are basically saying… Read more »
This is spot on.
To be honest most women usually are not offended if they catch men “appreciating the view” so long as he doesn’t make a nuisance of himself doing so (your brain can register an image in less than 5 seconds, so there’s no need to keep looking, or look multiple times. She saw you looking the first time and if you’re not going to approach her and talk to her like a human – which includes letting her shoot you down if she doesn’t reciprocate the appreciation of the view – you’re being a creep.). That being said, every time men… Read more »
“She saw you looking the first time and if you’re not going to approach her and talk to her like a human – which includes letting her shoot you down if she doesn’t reciprocate the appreciation of the view – you’re being a creep.)”
Was that you’re a creep if you look after 5 seconds, or if you look at her under 5 seconds, she notices, and you DON’T approach you are now a creep? If the latter than every shy guy is now a creep?
The argument is going in circles here because it’s a subjective point of view versus another subjective point of view, but each one is acting like an objective point of view. A little more owning one’s own sh*t would go a long ways here. First of all, something is creepy because it *feels* creepy, not because it “just is” creepy. A perceived threat is a perceived threat. And, no matter how attuned one is to the universe, one cannot actually feel eyes looking at you. You can only see someone looking in your direction, you can’t detect it otherwise. Feeling… Read more »
If we are all in public spaces we can look as much as we like. And do. If someone does flout or ignore the generally accepted social norms around looking and approaching, they also may get pushback about it. Someone follows me around in a gym, looking at me as if I was a statue, they are gonna get called out and I’ll report the incident to the club manager. Someone follows me in a car? I’ll do what I can to push back against that. Someone looks at me in the store and smiles and goes about his day,… Read more »
I know a look that seems inappropriately long can feel like a threat, but I would make a distinction between looking and approaching or between looking and following. The slope isn’t entirely slippery. There is a real difference, at least in my book. I don’t think of looking as an action, but I do think moving towards someone or following her is an action. It’s unfortunate that Nathan in his mind makes a really fast slide from noticing to attraction to obsession to blaming to potential harassment to going to Hell in a split second, but that’s blending a bunch… Read more »
@ Julie 2:52 PM “generally accepted social norms around looking and approaching . . . I’ll report the incident to the club manager” You should do whatever you decide to do. Generally accepted norms vary from place to place, and they vary between groups of people. There is no clearly defined generally accepted anything. If you doubt that, see GAAP, which IS written down and published, and still not applied everywhere – see court cases. As for the reporting to the club manager, here is how this will play out. The club manager will evaluate the cost of taking action… Read more »
Not talking about looking or breaching eye contact etiquette. Talking abou being followed touched or verbally harrassed. I’d confront the person and if they didn’t stop yeah then I’d talk to management.
I e been stared and looked at and haven’t ruined anyone’s life. We are not talking about looking but being physically invasive.
@ Julie 6:07 “Not talking about looking or breaching eye contact etiquette” Ahhh, I guess I misread this ? “If we are all in public spaces we can look as much as we like. And do. If someone does flout or ignore the generally accepted social norms around looking and approaching, they also may get pushback about it. Someone follows me around in a gym, looking at me as if I was a statue,” I should have ignored the “we can look… norms around looking…,looking at me…”, and the fact that the original post and most of the discussion has… Read more »
So what is it you believe you are not allowed to do? Look at a woman? Smile? Say hello? Who is saying you can’t do that. I’ll give you some examples-in the last city I lived in I went to a gym. I had a friend who went there, a man, and he went through an ugly divorce. She went to the gym too and she would follow him around and say weird shit and bother him (and others). He complained (as did others) and they asked her to leave, which I think was the right thing to do. At… Read more »
I want to stipulate a couple things before having another whack at answering your questions, Julie. First, I don’t think you specifically have been vague or inconsistent about looking being okay and the kinds of things that go beyond looking that aren’t okay. (Same with Alyssa Royse when this thread was younger.) So, I have no beef at all with you on this. Second, whether or not other women are attempting to be more restrictive about what’s okay and project shame on any looking that gives them the slightest discomfort, that doesn’t mean that I feel shame for looking or… Read more »
I was actually responding to Rezam. Ill try to reapond tomorrow to you.
Marcus, I would have to go back and read your eye candy article but I think maybe what caused the negative reaction was not the looking itself but your attitude toward the woman you looked at, your idea that she sort of existed for your pleasure to look at. I’m not defending or advocating the negative reaction, I’m just trying to explain why some women have such a strong emotional response to it. Like she was a painting in a museum. Women are raised being told over and over that out physical beauty is our most important and valuable quality,… Read more »
I think its silly you compared men love beautiful women with women love rich men. Please women love attractive and hot men as much as men love attractive women. I never heard women declaring their love for rich men but I often hears they crazy for handsome celebrity and celebrity guys. Many men do insecure with their appearance just like women, but we dont buy makeup and dress instead we go to gym and buy protein shakes. Its basically the same thing.
John, you totally missed my point which was to try to explain to Marcus why many women had a negative reaction to his “eye candy” article. I’m not realky interested in debating whether men have their own concerns about their appearance, of course they do, but that’s not my point. Also, my hypothetical article abt loving rich men is simply to try to illustrate something that might cause men to have a similar kind of reaction, if I wrote about it.
Is it enough that I can acknowledge and sympathize with those negative reactions without feeling responsible for it? Because that’s how I’ve felt all along, even without multiple explanations.
… was not the looking itself but your attitude toward the woman you looked at, your idea that she sort of existed for your pleasure to look at. This is the part that’s in women’s heads, not mine. I’ve never had an idea that women sort of exist for my pleasure to look at. I take pleasure in looking at beautiful women as I take pleasure in looking at anything beautiful, but there is nothing in this universe that I think was put there for me, or that I’m entitled to use because I saw I liked how they or… Read more »
I’m not blaming men for my feelings, I’m just saying that it doesn’t feel particularly GOOD to think about how men think about women. There are many things in life I suppose we all have to accept even though it sucks. But you were wondering why women didn’t like your article and I’m trying to explain why. Not that men are at fault for my feelings, but, I guess, just to say that I have those feelings and this is why. Likewise, if you or someone else feels ashamed of your desires to look at women because you know some… Read more »
It’s like there is a moebius strip of shame cycles. Some women hear men being honest and then reply about their feelings honestly and then the men feel shamed and the women feel defensive about being told they are shaming and it’s gross.
Sometimes I read threads here and other places and I think, if that’s how most men think about women I’d like to be invisible. But then my real life encounters don’t validate what I’ve read and I don’t know. Or maybe I’m not attractive in the way that inspires the way many men think about women.
I’m just saying that it doesn’t feel particularly GOOD to think about how men think about women. That sounds very close to me to saying “lusting in your heart” is bad, because you’re talking about thinking, not treating. That would make Nathan’s original sense of shame for thinking about women that way justified, which I thought we’d already agreed we don’t believe. But you were wondering why women didn’t like your article and I’m trying to explain why. No, I was wondering why they told me I was doing it (looking) wrong and should consider that maybe I made her… Read more »
Also, I think if I wrote a blog post about fantasizing about Mr. Wallet Candy, and talking about how much I love thinking about rich men who coukd take care of me and buy me stuff, I’d be crucified in the comments! Seriously, I think the reaction would be resoundingly negative, even if I said it was all a fantasy and actually my boyfriend makes less money than I do and I always split the check. 🙂
Most definitely, but you could write about your favorite breakfast meal in the gender blogosophere and get crucified in the comments. If you wrote a lighthearted story about Mr. Wallet Candy on a personal travel blog read mostly by family and friends as I originally did, you’d probably get a resoundingly positive response, as I did. 😀
“If the test for objectification is what I do in my mind, then that’s no different from saying “You can’t look”…..” Bingo. This is one big problem with the “objectification” idea. Too often there’s no distinction made between what goes on in a man’s mind and what he does. Critiques of objectification tend to treat thoughts as actions. I think thoughts and actions are different things. Related, maybe, but not the same thing. Ultimately, calling you out for objectifying women in your mind is no different from saying you have sinned because you had lust in your heart. You will… Read more »
If I said I had racist feelings, but insisted it was okay because my feelings are all n my head and I treat people well, would other people be entitled to call me out about my feelings? Anyway, I’m actually not accusing Marcus of having feelings that are “wrong”, just explaining that women don’t necessarily enjoy the fact that men view us as eye candy. Think about that phrase – eye candy – something good to eat. I am not a piece of food for you to enjoy. If you start talking about how you enjoy women as eye candy,… Read more »
If I said I had racist feelings, but insisted it was okay because my feelings are all n my head and I treat people well, would other people be entitled to call me out about my feelings? This is the kind of statement that belies other ones that there’s nothing wrong with looking, because you appear to be comparing “just looking” with “racism”, which strongly implies a belief that “just looking” is a bad thing which people ought be called out for. I disagree that just looking, or “lusting in one’s heart” or “objectifying in one’s mind” or however you… Read more »
Whoops, I just realized I totally misread what I thought I was responding to in that part, and mistook “start talking” for “start thinking” and gave it a totally different reading. My bad on that section. Sorry.
Sarah says: ‘…explaining that women don’t necessarily enjoy the fact that men view us as eye candy. Think about that phrase – eye candy – something good to eat. I am not a piece of food for you to enjoy. If you start talking about how you enjoy women as eye candy, some women will call you out on that. They won’t like it…’ You do understand that you are speaking for yourself, not all women, don’t you? I enjoy men seeing me as ‘eye candy’ and I enjoy looking at men and seeing them as ‘eye candy’. It is… Read more »
Marcus, you are expending a lot of time and energy trying to defend yourself here, and you don’t seem to be really considering what anyone has said to you. Several people have tried to explain why your “eye candy” piece bothered them, but instead of trying to understand, you’re taking a “Whatever, y’all are stupid! I’m not wrong!” approach. Why is it that you’re being so defensive? Could a part of you be unsure about whether you’re right about all of this? Obviously I only have your piece and your comments here to draw from, but from what I have… Read more »
Jeana, you have spent a lot of time and energy trying to shame me over feelings and behavior that don’t trouble me, and don’t seem to be really considering what I’ve said. I’ve explained several times why my “eye candy” piece and the behavior I describe in it did not violate any of the guidelines several women have described as the “right” way to look, but instead of trying to understand, they take a “Whatever, you’re still a creep! We’re not wrong!” approach. Why is it that you and others are in denial about being okay with “just looking”? Could… Read more »
What exactly bothers everyone about your piece?
Have you considered that if so many different people are getting the “wrong” message from your article the clearly you didn’t communicate your ideas well? The more you talk to more it sounds like you don’t understand the difference between being attracted to someone and objectifying them – and every time someone tries to explain the difference too you, you just answer back “well, you’re just imagining it!” – even though they’re basing their opinions on what you said. If you talk like you’re objectifying women, why *shouldn’t* we assume you’re objectifying women? (Also, I think you’re very, very naive… Read more »
…you don’t understand the difference between being attracted to someone and objectifying them – and every time someone tries to explain the difference too you, you just answer back “well, you’re just imagining it!”… Not a single person has tried to explain that difference to me. Including you. Many have said that “just looking” is fine with them, and that’s the context I brought my story up in. The only way there’s any logical consistency to accusing me of objectification in the example related in the story is to have a problem with “just looking”. I still would disagree, but… Read more »
One of my favourite articles about female objectification: http://www.afterellen.com/movies/how-much-female-objectification-is-too-much-female-objectification-transformers-dark-side-of-the-moon
I’m not delving into the exact instance you all are talking about…but the article I linked to examines how you can be attracted to someone but not objectifying them.
I’m not sure people can really explain it fully as feeling objectified is a subjective feeling based on how she feels at the time, what she has learned, how she was raised and quite a lot of women are raised I think to feel objectified some to the point where harmless looks are seen as objectifying. If you don’t feel you have objectified them, then stand your ground and don’t let them say you have, that is your right, and only you know what goes on in your mind. If they give tips on how to make women feel less… Read more »
Jeana says: ‘…I do not believe that the way you see women, and the way you seem to feel about and express your sexuality, is healthy…’ If this article bothered me (it was very enjoyable) I would not continue reading it, just as if a movie bothered me, I would not continue watching it. The women who took offense at this article are the ones who have something wrong with them. They are the kind of women who are always looking for offense and, if (heaven forbid!) it is not there, they make something up to justify their hatred and… Read more »
Julie @ 8:39 I am not perfectly sure I understand your problem with my post from 5:10. I commented on your remark that you would register a complaint with the facility manager. My clear reading is that you were talking about looking. You appear to say not. I accepted that ________________________ I explained what the likely outcome of a complaint to the manager would be. To me, this is clear support for simply NOT looking. In my experience, complaints by women in almost all public facing services, is that women’s complaints are acted upon to her satisfaction – irrespective of… Read more »
I have no idea if there is a neurological underpinning. I’m distracted by people all day and not sure if it is based on shape or just…well, adhd.
As for the rest, sorry, I misread you and thanks for clarifying.
Not a problem. On the neurology, you can ignore this, feel free … There are certain shapes that in many people trigger rapid reactions – for many people, snakes are a visual cue, and the reaction goes straight to the limbic system before it is moderated by cerebral cortex systems. Eyes in the night. Amorphous mists. Uncontrolled rushing water. Some sounds have the same effect – a crying child, a scream. I think that some of the visual cortex columns are tuned tor the same kind of rapid recognition of body shape, within pretty broad parameters. For example, consider the… Read more »
It’s pretty obvious usually when someone is lost in thought like that, their eyes don’tmove much nor do they notice you see them looking at you. The extreme of it is the 1000yard stare. As a daydreamer (adhd yay…) I would stare off for quite some time whilst mentally I was focusing on my daydream then suddenly awareness snaps back to reality and realize I was staring in the direction of someone.
Your teacher is/was terrible btw.
What if they weren’t looking at you as a statue? What if they were looking at you like you were some human female they would like to fk? Does that make a difference?
When a female dresses sexy why does she do it? What does a female get out of it when she dresses “sexy?” Why are the same clothes on a 13 year old cause raise hackles?
If men completely ignored her, would she still feel sexy or does it take the compliance of men to make a female feel sexy?
I can’t believe this has generated so much controversey. Or that one man feels so guilty about looking at girls in yoga pants as to apologize for it. Wear what you like. I’ll look if I like. I couldn’t care less if you think I’m a creep, or if you cry on your blog about the guy who eye raped you. In fact, I don’t care at all. If you’re some girl I meet in passing, with no connection to me and who I don’t know in the slightest, I don’t care about you or if my line of sight… Read more »
Or maybe YOU could act like an adult and respect the people around you.
“I don’t care about you…” < — pretty much sums it up. You don't care about others, and this article wasn't intended for sociopaths, so you really don't have a place here.
“Learn to deal or cease the behavior that causes you to feel uncomfortable.”
Oh my gosh, you victim-blamer! D:
It is not chauvinistic behavior for a man to look at an attractive woman. It is perfectly natural for men to look at women, just as it is perfectly natural for women to look at men. We all understand that, right? Except for the insane women who think that a man looking at them is akin to rape, but men, please ignore them. You are doing nothing wrong with a quick glance. Or two. You are being a jerk by staring or doing weirdo elevator eyes, but women will simply avoid you if you do those things, so end of… Read more »
Did you seriously just suggest women have responsibility in this world :O Careful, you’ll get hated now:P
But seriously, Comment of the day!
Or how bout you don’t tell me what to wear?
I can understand why women dont like being stared and ogled. I have experienced being uncomfortable stared by women at the beach ( yes I caught them “ogled” my body ) , so I know how it feels like. ( whats different is maybe I felt more annoyed than threatened ) . I dont know why its so hard for guys here to understand that. If I met a gorgeous woman ( strangers ) , the longest time I could stare her is like 5 seconds. When I was single, staring really gorgeous woman longer than that actually didnt make… Read more »
I dont know why its so hard for guys here to understand that.
Because most guys simply don’t experience being checked out much less stared at or ogled.
So yeah, this seemingly innocuous bit caused a s***storm. It seems the core issue, (as far as the original post is concerned) is the idea of believing someone when they tell you something about themselves. He specifically says that he asked women about it, and his briefly states that the women he asked said they wear “yoga” pants because they are comfortable (as opposed to fashion). However a couple of short paragraphs later he insists there is another reason, one that matches sexist narratives that have popped up a billion times before. In the beginning he mentions that these “yoga”… Read more »
Do you really believe that? I mean really?
Hilarious Spinal Tap clip, which perfectly illustrates some of the illogic we’re seeing here.
Your privilege of observing that body is extremely limited, and can be revoked at any time LOL, really? And who do you suppose is going to “revoke” such a “privilege?” I’m curious to know. Fundamentally you just have to believe what people tell you about themselves, about their gender, their race, their profession, hobby, what-have-you. A woman knows more about women than than a man, a black man knows more about black people than white people. Unless that white guy has professional credentials and/or a PhD in race studies he would be an arrogant, racist, idiot to contradict anything a… Read more »
” Your privilege of observing that body is extremely limited, and can be revoked at any time
LOL, really? And who do you suppose is going to “revoke” such a “privilege?” I’m curious to know.”
Well, I dunno…. mebbe the bouncer? the judge? the HR department? the club manager? her boyfriend? the social ostracism of the community? the owner of the body? Who knows.
Oh, by the way, the quickest growing demographic of gun owners and NRA members appears to be women, so …
And this is why I ignore them. Anything else and you’re in criminal territory. Thanks for making my point again.
By ignore them, you mean women? or bodies generally? or the potential enforcers? In criminal territory… well no, but is their a risk that outweighs any benefit of looking, – possibly. I am not sure if people get that there is a risk involved here. Certainly women recognize the risk to them, but I’m not sure that men get the risk to THEMSELVES. When I was 18, I got a job behind a bar at a hotel that served a lot of truckers. There were a lot of fights, and frequently those fights were over women – we’re talking the… Read more »
So this is an example of female privilege? You see it acceptable to have men beaten for looking at you?
Acceptable !!!!!??? Are you well? Come on, this is what can and does happen. Universally – no, but it is a risk. And, being male, it is not men looking at me, but men having a conflict with women in various settings. A female privilege – I don not subscribe to privilege theory on either side. For some women it might be an expression of power, for others, it leaves them aghast. When one approaches a wild animal, does one extend their hand first? Wild animals are irrational, in human terms. ( And no, I am not calling women irrational,… Read more »
“What I’m about to say will go against prevailing left wing identity politics dogma, but being a member of x oppressed group doesn’t automatically give you great wisdom about that entire group’s experience. Everybody, including members of “marginalized groups,” is full of sh*t.” I agree. If you think about it, the idea doesn’t leave much room for individuality, so racism wins out once again. If every black man is an expert at being a black man, then any institution will only need one in order to represent the entire black male population. You just need ONE of each underrepresented group… Read more »
So how do we bridge the gap between the two perspectives. On one hand there seems to be a prudishness that withdraws from the world and our physical reality while on the other hand rests an idea of excessiveness in pleasure, where every other person is an object for our use, and means to another end. How can we be capable of seeing ourselves as men and women created in the image and likeness of God, not simply as a spiritual being but even in the very physical reality of our bodies, even in the midst of the sexual act?
GREAT comment QuantumInc!
I haven’t ever considered yoga pants or other tight fitting workout attire “sexy” but if Nathan does, I think he’s a grown man who should be able to handle seeing women he finds attractive without feeling “doomed” and resort to leering at her.
It took me a few rambling posts to dance around what you’ve said concisely right here. You nailed it.
ok my take.
SOME women use yoga pants, because their are confortable, some other women use them because they like attention. We are all different people. So get over it.
Finally, a observation, labeling someone as creep is actually objectification. The person you call creep is actually a human being, dont forget that. So please erase that human degrading word from the dictionary and stop using it. Thank you 🙂
Drew, I don’t think you are creepy at all for glancing at a woman in yoga pants or any other article of clothing that you might find appealing on the female form. I do the same sometimes when I see men that I think are hot or wearing clothes that show off their physiques. And you’re right, sometimes you don’t intend to be creepy but it can be read that way by strangers and that sucks but I also don’t think it’s that big of a deal. If someone that I don’t know keeps looking at me I’m probably going… Read more »
OMG! Yoga pants turn men on! So that’s why I’ve been wearing them! Here, I thought I was just donning these lycra pants just to keep from becoming a sweaty mess or but, no, it turns out deep down inside I’m asking for male attention. Yoga pants are comfy as hell. I might be wearing them at the supermarket because I didn’t have to change. Or because I’m about to do something active. Or just because I feel like going through my day in comfort. Trust me when I say yoga pants are not for attracting your attention. If they’re… Read more »
I’m sure this point has already been made that if yoga pants/tights are comfortable, so are bathrobes and karate gis. But I dont see women wearing them casually.
so the main points here is that everything women do, including their choice of comfort clothes, is geared towards attracted men; that it is inconceivable that a woman would don an article of clothing with no consideration for how it will affect men; and that women choose yoga pants over sweatpants because they are more attractive to men. you’ve got to be kidding me…
So what I think I’m seeing in this dicsussion is a question over comfort zones. How far do they reach out, who is crossing whose zone, and so on. So a woman wears an outfit. Does this cause any problems in anyone else’s comfort zones? A guy checks out a woman who is working an outfit. Does this cause any problem in anyone else’s comfort zones? Also I think one thing that’s going is a bit of talking past each other over when does looking becomes staring ( think that most people here agree that actual commentary, gestures, and touching… Read more »
So you really don’t respect women, huh? You think women are always in the wrong and it doesn’t matter if men make them feel like objects? You think men should just be able to gawk and stare at women as much as they want regardless of whether women feel comfortable with that or not? Women should just shut up and deal with it because men are turned on by us and how dare we think that we exist for any purpose except to turn men on? Right? I’m done with you. Your hatred of women is so thick that you… Read more »