New things can seem scary. But having an honest conversation about the reality around us, especially when it comes to our ideas of masculinity, is vital.
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Ideas are scary. They come into this world ugly and messy.
Ideas are frightening because they threaten what is known.
They are the natural-born enemy of the way things are.
Yes, ideas are scary, and messy, and fragile,
but under the proper care, they become something beautiful.
“Imagination at Work”
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In this General Electric TV Commercial, “Ideas are Scary,” a new-born and ultimately abandoned idea appears close to death in hospital. Somehow, though, it survives infancy into adolescence. As it ventures unwashed and homeless through the town searching for basic sustenance, it finds only harsh judgment, scorn, abuse, and rejection from people everywhere it goes. Then one day, by chance it stumbles upon the GE building, where people help it inside, support, and nurture it. Sometime thereafter, it walks out upon the bright stage of life where it has grown healthy and vibrant, with its beautiful multicolored plumage raised in brilliance and pride to a hearty and resounding ovation.
We see history replete with intense and often violent backlash from many factions against movements.
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Yes, new ideas and the movements they spark have usually, at least initially, appeared messy and scary because they do, indeed, “threaten what is known,” because they truly “are the natural-born enemy to the way things are.” In terms of ideas that challenge entrenched systems of power, oppression, and privilege, forces for maintenance of the status quo often wage figurative and literal battles to exterminate counter ideas and actions in order to prevent and turn back any gains progressive movements have fought so tirelessly to advance.
We see history replete with intense and often violent backlash from many factions against movements working to end, for example, the dehumanizing and oppressive institution of slavery, apartheid, human sex trafficking, and so-called “ethnic cleansing”; to advance women’s suffrage and movements for women to control their bodies; to workers’ rights; to the right to quality education and health care for all; to civil and human rights for people of color, for women, for LGBT people, for intersex people, for people with disabilities, for young people and elders, for people of all religions and for atheists and agnostics, for people of all ethnicities and national backgrounds, for equality of opportunity for people of all socioeconomic classes; and the instances continue endlessly.
Susan Faludi, in her now-classic exposé, Backlash: The Undeclared War against American Women, details the intense resistance to feminist ideas and movements for gender equality. By shining an intense light upon this backlash, Faludi reveals and debunks the myths and stereotypes perpetrated by social institutions, from business to the media, working to restrain women in all facets of their lives.
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The Good Men Project
I find good reason why GMP claims itself as a place for “The conversation no one else is having,” a place of “enlightened masculinity,” a place where we can redefine what it means to be “a man.”
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For a number of years now – though I actually lost count – I have had the privilege and honor of contributing articles to The Good Men Project, and of reading high quality contributions from a diverse pool of outstanding forward-thinking writers. For those of us who found GMP, there were people who helped us inside, supported and nurtured our ideas and during this process, we continue to come upon a stage where we grow healthy and vibrant with our beautiful multicolored plumage raised in brilliance and pride to the potential of a hearty and resounding ovation.
I find good reason why GMP claims itself as a place for “The conversation no one else is having,” a place of “enlightened masculinity,” a place where we can redefine what it means to be “a man,” a place where we can let go of binary constructions of gender and gender expression, a place where we can challenge and contest the patriarchal system based on notions of hyper-masculinity with the elements taken to extremes of control, domination over others and the environment, competitiveness, rugged individualism, super strength, toughness, aggression, and emotional restraint.
But as with most new ideas, as with other challenges to entrenched systems of power, oppression, and privilege, we not only open ourselves up to the potential of a hearty and resounding ovation, but we leave ourselves open as well to degrees of backlash in the form of resistance and attack.
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Strong leaders whip up sentiments by employing dehumanizing stereotyping and scapegoating of entire groups, while other citizens or entire nations look on, often refusing to intervene.
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In response to my writing, I always welcome constructive critique, dialogue, discussion, and debate. Through the process of constructive engagement with my readers, I sharpen my thinking, correct inaccuracies, expand my analyses, and on occasion, gain long-term friendships. At times, however, a consistent core of individuals routinely reject me and my ideas through sarcasm, cynicism, and vitriolic attack while offering little or no reasoned arguments or evidence as backup. Rather, they confront my ideas with backlash in the form of name calling, character assassination, innuendo, contempt, and through mere dismissal of my ideas and my experiences. I have witnessed this same consistent core attacking other writers and their works as well.
I have learned many lessons in my studies of genocides perpetrated throughout the ages. Strong leaders whip up sentiments by employing dehumanizing stereotyping and scapegoating of entire groups, while other citizens or entire nations look on, often refusing to intervene. Everyone, not only the direct perpetrators of oppression, plays a vital role in the genocides.
On a micro level, this is also apparent, for example, in episodes of schoolyard, community-based, as well as electronic forms of bullying. The problem of bullying and harassment should not be seen simply as involving those who bully and those who are bullied (the “dyadic view”), but rather as involving a number of “actors” or roles across the social/school environment, including perpetrators, those targeted for attack, and disengaged witnesses (bystanders).
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The Good Men Project not only encourages but also dedicates itself to the respectful exchange of ideas. For those who are unfamiliar with the process of critical engagement, I would ask you to investigate the work ofDr. Stephen Brookfield, Distinguished Professor at the University of St. Thomas, in Minneapolis, Minnesota who has charted a three-stage process:
- Discover the assumptions that guide your decisions, actions, and choices. (What do I think and why do I think of it the way I do?),
- Check the accuracy of these assumptions by exploring as many different perspectives, viewpoints, and sources as possible. (Talk with others, take courses, read, research, etc.),
- Make informed decisions based on your investigations. (Informed decisions are based on evidence we can trust, can be explained to others, and have a good chance of achieving the effects we want).
To those relatively few who consistently engage in backlash without backup, I ask that you raise your level of discourse and give the authors and responders the respect they deserve. I also encourage you to contribute your ideas by writing articles so others may read your work. This will benefit us all.
Would you like to help us shatter stereotypes about men?
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Photo: Getty Images
8ball: If and when I respond to you in a manner you don’t appreciate, I would hope you could be direct by telling what I said that your didn’t like and why you don’t like it. Please don’t revert to trolling (cyberbullying), for when you do, it doesn’t hurt me, and in the end, it ultimately hurts you.
Apologies. Upon rereading the article in question, I see that you did not actually refer to me as bigoted. I will, therefore, retract that part of my statement. https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/hyper-masculinity-twin-peaks-gendered-violence-wcz/ In it, you made a number of assertions and I responded wih why I thought many of them were erroneous or misleading. In response, you provided proof for only a single one. and then you had the audacity to write this: “Dear 8ball, Zygor, and Elissa, The question is not whether the pay gap between women and men is 77%, or 78%, or even 25%. The question I have for you… Read more »
8ball: In this instance, we had continually gone back and forth with statistics to defend our positions. My point is that we need to listed to and hear the real life stories of people and not dismiss their experiences outright as i have seen you doing so often. We need to listen to women about their experiences of sexism, we need to listed to LGBT people about their experiences of heterosexism, we need to listen to people of color about their experiences of racism, we need to listen to people with disabilities about their experiences of ableism, we need to… Read more »
Me pointing out where you are playing fast and loose with facts is not “bullying” you. Me pointing out where you are resorting to ad hom because you cannot respond to their criticisms of your position is not bullying you. I don’t have the power to bully you, Warren. You’re the one with the platform, not me. “In this instance, we had continually gone back and forth with statistics to defend our positions.” Yes! That is how you prove your position. You don’t just declare yourself right and expect others to take your word for it. Feel free to have… Read more »
You get the level of discourse you’re willing to engage in. I, for one, tried engaging with the ideas you presented and where I thought you were in error. For that, you attacked my character and insinuated I was an uneducated bigot.
So, you know what? You wanted an enlightened discussion, perhaps you should demonstrate you’re actually capable of one first. Start with learning that you actually have to prove your assertions.
Until that happens, I’ll continue having fun trolling you.
8ball: give me specific instances where I attacked your character and insinuated that you were an uneducated bigot. Give me back my quotes.