Are you a child in an older person’s body?
For some reason, many adults have experienced a stunting in their internal growth.
We’ve all seen it — The Karen and Ken types flip out at service workers when their coffee comes back wrong, and it’s always difficult to watch.
Unfortunately, many of these people have often had a traumatic event or sub-par parenting that led to them being the way they are.
Becoming an emotionally regulated person takes work, and those who take on this tall task see exponential benefits in their life and relationships. What are some of these characteristics?
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They have a longer fuse
In other words, emotionally intelligent people are a lot more patient than those who aren’t.
They don’t get peeved and bent out of shape so easily.
They’re able to delay gratification and not obsess over consuming mindless pleasures.
Having patience is an underrated virtue to have in our world today as our culture is obsessed with being in a hurry and getting what one wants fast (on-demand streaming, food delivery, porn, addictive social media, etc.).
To become a more patient individual, learn to work for the things you want in life and learn to delay gratification. Instead of ordering from Doordash, learn to cook healthful meals for yourself instead If you experience an aggravating delay, learn to breathe and stay calm about it.
You will avoid much unnecessary strife if you can learn to be a more patient person.
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The ability to see things from a birds-eye view
We’re all inevitably going to deal with disappointment and pain in our lives, this can’t be negotiated. Emotionally mature people however are skilled at looking at that disappointment and seeing what positives might come of the situation.
They have what’s called perspective.
Emotionally mature people understand that it’s futile to moan and grieve more than they need to about a less-than-ideal situation. Sure, it’ll still sting, but they can move on from this rather quickly and find how they can make the situation the best it can be.
They’re able to find new opportunities in their less-than-ideal circumstances.
The next time you experience a small or even big disappointment in your life, start by taking some time to yourself to decompress. While taking the time you need, think about how you can turn your current circumstances into the best possible outcome.
You will optimize and make your life much easier by having perspective.
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They keep at it
People often take failure quite personally — I know because I used to be like this myself.
Emotionally regulated people however can brush off failure, learn from their mistakes, and keep pushing forward — they have resilience.
Whether it’s in a professional setting, in their relationships, or trying to learn a new skill, they understand that to become better they need to get things wrong from time to time.
An example of this would be continuing to write and striving to get better even though hardly anybody is reading your content recently. It can be disheartening, but you won’t have success unless you take the lessons you’ve learned and continue pushing forward.
Optimize your chances for success by being more resilient. If you keep at it long enough, eventually something has to go right.
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The ability to feel others
Children are very egocentric individuals — they tend to think that everybody shares the same worldview and can’t often place themselves in another’s shoes.
Sometimes this continues into adulthood.
The most emotionally mature people, however, understand their own emotions, and therefore can better understand the emotions of others — they have empathy.
Having empathy is something that will greatly improve the quality of your relationships. When you show people you get them on some level, they feel safer with you and more trusting of you.
It should be noted, empathy isn’t the same thing as sympathy — let’s use the visual analogy of somebody being down in a ditch to signify their struggles and what the two respectively look like:
- Sympathy: You look down into the ditch and see the downtrodden individual, then passively point and say “Yeah, sucks to be them”.
- Empathy: You make your way down into the ditch next to the downtrodden individual. Down in this ditch, you feel the pain they feel. You put your arm around them and comfort them.
Grow your social intelligence and express true empathy for others.
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They have this one critical skill
Have you ever met somebody who causes all sorts of problems in their life and their relationships, but yet they never seem to learn? Maybe they gossip a lot but have no idea why people won’t get close to them or trust them.
Contrary to this unhealthy pattern, some individuals can recognize their inherent flaws and shortcomings, and thus work on correcting them.
Emotionally intelligent people have self-awareness.
Those who aren’t emotionally mature don’t conceptualize, or actively repress any difficult realities they might face about their imperfections.
It isn’t about being a perfect and flawless individual, because we all have our bad days or even bad seasons of life, but rather it’s about taking responsibility for when you fall short.
Try looking at yourself more objectively and become more self-aware.
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The pinnacle of emotional intelligence
Wouldn’t you love to feel completely happy and content and at peace with yourself at all times? — If only it was that easy.
Most people are never going to reach a level of enlightenment in their lives, and that’s okay, you can still make incredible spiritual progress in your life.
This comes from recognizing your emotional triggers and being able to naturally calm your state from the angst you are feeling. Emotionally intelligent people don’t get upset about the fact they feel upset, they know this only adds extra layers of baggage to what they feel.
They don’t lash out, they don’t repress what they feel, but they deal with it. They understand the only way out of what they’re feeling is through. Same as a cloudy day, they understand that this too shall pass and the sun will shine through once again.
This is emotional regulation.
Emotional regulation = Emotional intelligence
It takes practice. It takes:
- Being patient with yourself.
- Having a level of perspective that one-day things will get better.
- Resilience and forgiving yourself for your shortcomings.
- Awareness both of the emotions of yourself and of others as well.
Anybody can achieve greater levels of emotional intelligence. Work on your emotional health because it’s truly the gift that keeps on giving.b
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStock
