“The Heart of Sports” is a weekly column that curates the stories, pictures and moments that provide a window into the beating heart of sports:
- The moments in and around the game that are bigger than the game itself.
- The speeches to teammates and fans that are larger even than the game itself.
- The moments when sports is used as a platform for bigger social conversations.
- The thrilling moments from your childhood that you never forget.
- The tender moments among teammates.
It’s why we watch. It’s why we play. It’s the stuff that rises up out of sports and settles down into us.
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This week’s Heart of Sports comes from the PAC 12 Football Conference.
Not every Heart of Sports column is serious or poignant. Sure, we love poignant. But we also love hilarious and compelling. And sometimes we just don’t get enough of that. With his deadpan awesomeness, Coach Mike Leach of the Washington State Cougars, is looking to do something about that.
Are you tired of football players and coaches who are mandated to participate in endless press conferences being asked the same questions and giving the same platitudes in response every single week?
Yes, I’m talking to you, Bill Belichick. Don’t me wrong. It’s not all bad — sometimes you can get a classic rant, but those moments are altogether few and far between. Usually, its the same boring questions and the same answers, blah blah blah blah blah. And it can get tiresome.
If you are tired of it, dear Reader, we present for your enjoyment and pleasure, the refreshingly awesome Coach Mike Leach of Washington State, responding to a question about the mascots of the Pac 12 Conference:
Who says no to Mike Leach doing a hypothetical show where people just give Leach hypotheticals and let him do the rest. pic.twitter.com/YxJNfgWQvA
— Wai Sallas🦅 (@WaiSallas) September 17, 2019
Here is the full break-down. You’re welcome:
“First of all, what kind of mythical powers does a Sun Devil (Arizona State) have? We’ve got to consider that. I’m going to say the Wildcat (Arizona) is out.
The Trojan (USC), does he have a horse or is he on foot? Does he have a bow and arrow or just a sword?
The Bruin (UCLA), definitely formidable, then another Bear up there at Cal.
The Tree (Stanford), I mentioned that tree is going to get chopped down, unless we’re going to go with a bird and somebody might get pecked or something.
The Duck (Oregon) might lose interest and just fly away and get out of there, which may be good advice under the circumstances.
The Husky (Washington), no chance, the Beaver (Oregon State), we’ll see how long that beaver can hold his breath.
The Ute (Utah), is he on horseback? Does he have a bow and arrow? Did he trade for a rifle? If that Ute’s got a rile, there’s some definite problems.
As far as the beast alone, a buffalo (Colorado) is going to be pretty hard to tangle with. A buffalo is utterly outstanding.
Now, the Coug [Washington State’s mascot the Cougars] will find a way. Clear-minded and crafty — a combination of stay out of harms way and attack when you get your chance,” he said.
More Mike Leach, please.
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Photo Credit: AP/Reed Saxon
Hat tip on this one to Wai Sallas!