Instead of “manning up,” let’s create an environment where the greatest warrior is the one who unearths his emotions and emerges victorious.
The fighter gazed sadly into the distance, his eyes beginning to moisten as he proclaimed his deep love for his child. Strong hands clenched, he visibly fought to control his emotions despite the obvious rising of a fierce protective love.
As our conversation continued, he went to great lengths to persuade me he was a real man, primal even, one for whom the expression of such matters was deeply uncomfortable.
The question is, why?
As an emotional healer, well-versed in the mysteries of the subconscious mind and its relationship to both the body and healing itself, I have long been curious as to why men should die younger than women and often from heart attacks.
Now let’s be clear; I am not a medical man, although have proven myself extremely useful when doctors start using the word “incurable.” So everything I say should be viewed as the opinion of a master hypnotherapist and coach and not a doctor.
Yet it is curious is it not, that men seem to die young?
The ancients believed that “ as above so below” and so it may be useful to look at a different human process to extract the substance of what I am about to suggest.
Unless you are a fabled breatharian, you eat food. Eating that food works this process:
- Digest and breakdown
- Transform and Separate
- Excrete waste
This process holds true irrespective of the food ingested, and in other words it’s how we survive. But what happens when the system does not work properly? If we do not eat food we inevitably perish; if we are unable to digest or break down food then we have no energy and again we die.
In terms of transformation, food becomes energy, and that which is not energy, or otherwise useful, is disposed.
It was not a punch that felled man-mountain Brock Lesnar’s UFC career so much as diverticulitis, and it is widely known that beloved rock and roll performer Elvis Presley died with a 60 pound colon—described as an immovable claylike substance, surely a precursor of his unfortunate demise.
Now, it is almost taboo in Western culture to talk about excrement, however I am making the point for good reason.
Let us take everything that I just outlined as a metaphor and substitute experience for food.
In this way, an experience simply is felt/ingested and later interpreted during the digestive and breakdown phase. Interpreted on the basis of values, beliefs, incomplete perception data and prior experience of like kind, it is then transformed either into corroboration of an existing subconscious expectation, or into a preliminary basis for a new trance-forming reality.
Anything that is inconsistent with the heavily edited/transformed perception is placed in the equivalent of disposal, recoverable only through forensic hypnosis or like technology.
At least that is how it should be.
Why is this relevant?
From an early age, men are informed that a key component of manhood is to deny vital parts of this process with an utterly ridiculous expectation that there will be no consequence for failing to honor the system with which we have been gifted.
Phrases such as “ man up,” “be a man,” “ suck it up princess” and the worst offender of all “ big boys don’t cry” create a state of chronic emotional constipation in most men. Even more dire is the stigmatization of men who do express their emotions as effeminate, gay, “bitches,” or worse.
The rot sets in early.
Only last week, I was comforting my seven-year old son, a boy I have taught to be comfortable with all his feelings. As I was reassuring him, one of his schoolmates enthusiastically yelled at him that “crying is for wusses.” Fortunately, my son knows better and was unmoved.
Relatively few of the boys will emerge with similar emotional maturity, simply because they are held hostage to the Neanderthal perspectives ingrained in boys by the time they are seven—the imprinting phase of childhood
One brother of mine, startled me when he claimed he had not cried in 20 years. Given that he was in the Armed Forces and served actively, I can presume some cultural programming around tears, which compounding male stereotypes, creates a most unfortunate physical, mental emotional reality.
Not to mention potential unresolved conflict trauma and grief.
This is a good human being, a strong caring man with great moral and spiritual perspective.
When I asked him respectfully why he did not cry, he told me shaking his head, 20 years ago he used to “cry like a bitch.” I did not pursue the matter further, out of respect for his obvious sincerity.
Medicine, or more specifically, allopathic medicine, seems to have a blind spot in this respect. Even hypnotherapy has been bamboozled out of its primary value by a modern leaning toward cognitive solutions, where a simple observation of nature yields greater reward.
Your feelings have feelings, and they really hate to be ignored.
I can assure you with absolute confidence, a person presenting physical symptoms of any kind suffers related emotional pathology—meaning that while drugs are a medical issue (and therefore outside the scope of my professional opinion), unresolved stored emotions in the body should be a first port of call for resolving any medical issue.
Alas, they are not but the crisis is very real.
What are the consequences of emotional constipation? How serious is it? What can I do about it?
The short answer is that it causes stress which is now commonly believed to be implicated in almost every medical condition. Can a man die of a broken heart? The American Heart Association defends Broken Heart Syndrome vigorously;
”Broken heart syndrome, also called stress-induced cardiomyopathy or takotsubo cardiomyopathy, can strike even if you’re healthy.”
Dr. Hamer, the originator of New German Medicine, states, “‘diseases’ were not meaningless mistakes of nature that should be fought, but meaningful events that serve to restore equilibrium.” Translated: something unresolved lurks unseen and unexpressed.
Tough to restore equilibrium when you aren’t recognizing the fundamental nature of the problem.
What can be done? For the present management of excess emotion I am a fan of EFT Tapping—free to learn and potentially lifesaving. For deeper, well-buried issues, I am biased towards Hypnotherapy and Time Line Therapy because I have expertise there and results to backup the training. I am happy to point people toward resources if helpful.
The solution begins with recognizing the problem. Often the biggest fear about emotion is its unpredictability; I can assure you that the stuffing down creates the unpredictability, since you cannot know which stimulus will set off the bomb.
Real men cry.
As a man dealing with MS for the past eight years, my words are based on my personal drug-free battle and professional practice. which centers on emotional release, allowing me to “detonate” pockets of residual toxicity in men. I have witnessed all too often the misery unresolved internal conflict causes.
If we are going to “man up,” let me suggest that the greatest warrior is the one who travels within himself and emerges victorious.
It’s not too late—since we’re actively in the midst of redesigning manhood. Let’s include an emotion management feature and make emotional constipation a thing of the past!
Photo credit: Getty Images