The medical establishment is probably the last place to seek reliable information about mind-blowing sex. You already have everything you need to experience it right now.
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The co-author of my upcoming book, HARDLY BROKEN: Creating Extraordinary Intimacy in a Shut-Down World, had occasion to tell one of the world’s top urologists about my work with men impacted by impotence in the aftermath of prostate cancer treatment. With this urologist, she’d co-authored a book on prostate cancer that had been a NY Times top seller.
She thought he’d be interested in hearing that a man without any erectile function could have an extremely satisfying sex life. What a relief for these men, who are facing not only their mortality and the rigors of cancer treatment, but who also fear losing their potency. Sometimes, these men fear the latter more than they fear dying from their cancer.
“No way,” he told her. “Great sex without an erection? Impossible.” And that was that. He didn’t want to hear another word.
What was more telling than what he said was how he said it. She reported that in his response to my story, his tone was somewhat angry and agitated. Apparently, my experience did not at all fit his world view of the possibilities for men with full erectile dysfunction. He even seemed to find it threatening.
As a clinically impotent prostate cancer survivor whose sex life has never been better, I received word about his professional opinion with a mixture of bemusement and chagrin. His response reinforced something I already knew: the medical establishment is not your best source of accurate information about sex.
It is possible for men to have truly mind-blowing orgasms when they can’t get it up or ejaculate. This is fantastic news for men like me, who have lost their erectile function; and it’s also great news for normally functioning men, who can use what I’ve learned to have perhaps their most powerful climax experiences ever.
Follow the Money
Most of us would like to think that doctors are capable of being totally objective when it comes to the healing arts and their expertise. Unfortunately, in a world where the multi-billion dollar pharmaceutical industry has a major influence on what doctors prescribe and how they approach healing, it is not hard to imagine just a little bit of agenda creeping into their view of things.
Imagine all the penile implant surgeries and ED (erectile dysfunction) medications that would go un-prescribed if men and women knew they could have truly incredible sex lives even with full impotence.
Even my own urologist, who is a wonderful guy and as knowledgeable as any physician, and who sees I’m able to have wonderful sex despite my condition, is affected by Big Pharma. He conducts quarterly seminars about prostate issues, treatment options and the implications of those treatments, and when I offered to share my experience during these talks, he essentially said while he personally would love to have me do this, the pharmaceutical companies that sponsor his events wouldn’t be too thrilled about it.
I have tremendous respect for our medical community, the vast majority of whom are dedicated, hardworking and true advocates for our health. They are also human beings subject to powerful influences, just like the rest of us. And, frankly, it has been my experience (and that of many others I’ve interviewed) that most doctors really don’t know any more about sex than the rest of us. Often, they are uncomfortable even talking about it.
A Different Kind of Male Orgasm
My prostate gland was removed completely due to prostate cancer. That means no ejaculation. The nerves that make erection possible were destroyed by radiation therapy. That means no erections. None of the drugs prescribed to renew erectile function work in my case.
When my girlfriend and I first became intimate, I was not able to climax at all. But in only four months of passionate experimentation together, my brain and body re-wired themselves, and I was able to orgasm while being fully flaccid and unable to ejaculate.
Now I can climax quite easily, which is great in and of itself. What has been most surprising, however, is how incredibly powerful, long lasting and quite different these climaxes are. I can honestly say that the depth and intensity of what I consistently experience now far eclipses any climax I had when I had normal sexual function.
Every guy reading this knows what a typical male orgasm feels like. It is centered around the engorged penis and the sensation of ejaculation. My climaxes, on the other hand, begin as a feeling of intense electricity that travels slowly up both femurs of my legs, starting near the pelvic region. It continues for 20-30 seconds or more, sending convulsive, pleasurable sensations out into the rest of my body.
It is the most extraordinary sensation I’ve ever felt in my life.
Based on what I know about female orgasms, I suspect that my orgasms are now much more akin to the climaxes they enjoy. Lucky me! While I can only climax this way once during lovemaking sessions, my partner can climax very explosively many, many times over those hours we spend together. I do believe that multiple orgasms are possible for me as well, given some more practice and “re-wiring.”
Is this kind of climax possible for normally functioning men? I can’t say for certain, though I have heard anecdotally of Tantra-based practices that teach men to withhold the ejaculatory response while experiencing orgasm. What I do know from direct personal experience is that the human brain – the seat of sexual pleasure – is incredibly adaptable, and that almost anything is possible with practice, patience and being fully present for your partner during lovemaking.
Do I wish I had my hard-on back? Sure, of course. That is what doctors expect men like me to want, and that’s what they are trained to address. They want to fix what doesn’t work. I chose not to go the surgical implant route, which would have been the most viable way for me to get my erections back, because of the inherent risks. What’s important is that not having it certainly has not put a damper on my intimate life in any way.
Quite honestly, my partner and I have never had it so good with respect to our physical intimacy. Because of the human brain’s awesome plasticity, we were able to turn what most people consider a huge tragedy into a blessing – and this is something I give thanks for every day.
Am I the only one commenting here? I was wondering about this! I’m in my early 60’s and my boyfriend is in his early 70’s. He has a number of heath issues. Although we’ve been together for six months, I am still a “virgin”. He has never penetrated. But interestingly, it doesn’t stop us from having a very pleasing relationship. I’m not looking for another boyfriend, he makes me very happy.
He does get satisfaction! I am hoping it’s very satisfying for him. I have worried about that.