10 tips to stay authentic and thrive in your relationships, during the holidays and all year ’round.
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The holiday season is upon us, and for most people it’s a time of year filled with joy and happiness. But for introverts who are obligated to attend various social functions, it can be a time of stress and anxiety. Since one-third to one-half of the U.S. population is introverted, we’re talking about a significant percentage of people.
As an introvert myself, I draw strength from being alone. Being around a large group of people and making small talk often exhausts me. People are important to me, but in spite of my best intentions, I often find myself feeling stressed out over gatherings that are supposed to be fun.
If you’re an introvert, you can learn to benefit from, and even enjoy, social gatherings.
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However, it doesn’t have to stay that way. If you’re an introvert, you can learn to benefit from, and even enjoy, social gatherings during the holiday season and the rest of the year. All it takes is a little change in perspective.
Let’s explore two foundational questions that will help lay the groundwork for some practical tips.
Two Foundational Questions
These two questions concern your perspective about yourself and others. When you get clear on these, you are better equipped to handle social functions in a healthy way.
1. How do you view yourself?
Do you see yourself in a positive or negative light? Are you happy with your personality? Do you like who you are?
This is a vital issue for the following reason: if you’re not content with yourself, you certainly won’t be content being around others. You must learn to accept who you are, warts and all, before you can truly enjoy relationships that are mutually beneficial and healthy.
Accepting yourself means that you see yourself in a positive way. It doesn’t mean you can’t improve, but it does mean that you accept and celebrate your uniqueness. This includes your temperament, personality, gifts, and passions.
Are you happy being you? I hope so! Some people spend their whole lives trying to get of their own skin and become someone else. But when you’re happy to be you, you’re then free to be happy being around others.
2. How do you view other people?
Do you see other people mainly as an annoyance to be avoided, or an opportunity to express love, add value, and learn something? The answer to this question colors every relationship you have.
If you see people mainly as an annoyance, you will avoid opportunities to interact with them.
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If you see people mainly as an annoyance, you will be irritable and avoid opportunities to interact with others.
If you see relationships as an opportunity for love, growth, and learning, you will understand the importance of social functions and the role they can play in building those relationships.
This doesn’t mean you don’t find social functions draining. There is a difference between valuing people and understanding your temperament. You can value relationships and social functions but still be drained by them at times.
There are even times that you hit your limit and just can’t give any more. Introverts get their energy from being alone, and too much time with people is draining. This is the beauty of knowing yourself: you value people but don’t feel guilty when you’ve hit your limit.
When I was in my 20’s I worked as a church music director. We had three morning services and an evening service. By the time the evening worship service was over, I was completely drained. There were many times I couldn’t muster the energy to have one more conversation, so I snuck out the back door!
That didn’t mean I disliked people. It just meant I was emotionally fried from a long day of interacting with people.
If you are an introvert and find yourself stressed by the thought of upcoming holiday gatherings, these ten tips will help you be true to your personality while making the most of these opportunities.
Ten Survival Tips for Introverts
1. Focus on other people.
When you focus on your own discomfort, it’s bound to put you in a bad mood and make a bad situation event worse. Focus on helping others and making them feel comfortable and accepted.
2. Spend time alone before afterward.
If you have a social event coming up, take some time beforehand to fill up your emotional tank. You’ll need to plan some recovery time afterwards.
3. Make a game of it.
I usually can make it through just about anything if I make a game out of it or create a challenge for myself. See how many names you can remember, what interesting facts you can find out about people, or how many people you can speak to. Set yourself up for something enjoyable and you’ll have more fun.
4. Be yourself.
Many times we feel stressed about social events because we feel we have to impress other people. Don’t try to be someone you’re not. (On the other hand, make it your goal to be the best version of yourself possible.)
5. Get to the root of your anxiety.
You may find that you have worked yourself up over nothing.
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Introverts like to analyze everything (including themselves). If you feel anxiety about a gathering, ask yourself why. What’s really causing the stress? Is it a particular individual? Are you afraid of being disliked or even excluded from some group? When you think hard about what’s causing your emotional stress, you may find that you have worked yourself up over nothing.
6. Think about how it will benefit you.
Every interaction with someone is an opportunity to learn something new. When you approach it this way and truly engage in conversation, you can get all kinds of interesting information that will benefit you. Perhaps you’ll hear about a great new book or movie, or a vacation spot you haven’t tried.
7. Reward yourself.
If you successfully navigate a social situation, reward yourself with something special afterwards. This will give you something to look forward to and reinforce positive habits.
8. Pray or meditate.
Praying and/or meditating can help calm your nerves and center your spirit. As a person of faith, I believe that God will help me navigate tough situations. That may not be your personal belief, but you can enter into various other types of spiritual or meditative practices to help you gain strength in your inner person.
9. Reconnect with your purpose.
It’s easy to get sidetracked in the busyness of life and lose sight of what it’s all about. I find it helpful to remember that my life purpose is all about helping others reach their creative potential. As a result, it’s important to invest in relationships, even though social gatherings do drain my energy. Think about the overall direction and focus of your life and how your relationships contribute to it. No matter how you slice it, we are meant to be in community with others.
10. Keep your energy level up.
Don’t go to a social function with an energy deficit. If you’re tired and cranky when you go, things will only get worse from there. Get plenty of rest so you can be mentally and physically energized when you’re around other people.
Ask any introvert and you’ll discover that we truly do love people. It’s just that we also need a lot of down time. |
If you’re reading this and are not an introvert, you may think all this sounds ridiculous. After all, who doesn’t like a great party or spending all their time with friends? But ask any introvert and you’ll discover that we truly do love people. It’s just that we also need a lot of down time.
If you are an introvert, remember that social gatherings are not something to be avoided, but an opportunity to connect with others, add value to them, and learn something. These tips will help you not only survive, but thrive in social settings during the holidays and all throughout the year.
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Photo: Flickr/Loren Kerns