Why do we fear male desire? It has achieved so much in the past, yet now it is a thing of shame.
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*A minstrel was a medieval European bard who performed songs whose lyrics told stories of distant places or of existing or imaginary historical events. Although minstrels created their own tales, often they would memorize and embellish the works of others. The Modern Minstrel observes the world around him and shares it with us as lyrical story. This series was inspired by Luke Davis, whose eye for story and ear for lyrical prose are featured here.
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There is a world out there full of heroes and villains, mountains scaled, oceans crossed, risks taken, accolades won and lovers dancing beside silver lit glades. Yet this world is being overshadowed and lost. It is the world of male desire, a world connected intimately with our identity, connected with our dreams and our passions and it is being buried and covered by the world we live in, this reality we must be a part of. Some may say this is a good thing, but I doubt they truly see how amazing and beautiful male desire is. If they did comprehend, if they truly understood, they would be saddened by exactly what is being lost.
As young children boys can no longer be boys. Their world of good and evil, guns and cars, play acting of their role models, its been deemed disruptive to class. Offending boys are suspended from schools, dosed with Ritalin and their play time removed. This is the world of a boys desire, the world they use determine right from wrong, the world they use to explore ethics and morals, the world they use to understand action and reaction and this world is being lost. How can these boys grow to become leaders of men, meant to change the world in their desire for a better place if they are not given the opportunity to understand this world? Those who are strong enough internalize this world and never speak of it again, those who aren’t become lost in a system where they only comprehend that the system is right and they are wrong.
When they say they want to be a doctor they no longer mention they want be the one to cure cancer.
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As teenagers these youths can no longer be youths. They enter a world where they are trouble, where they must be stopped from making mistakes. The real world is a place where risky behavior is deviant behavior, a world where risks are inappropriate and the only approved outlets are games of sport. Yet even sport is not the rough and tumble game of risk it once was. This risky place is the world of a youth’s desire, it’s the place where fears are conquered and youths become the men they are destined to be. This is the world where a youths desire to take the world by its horns and wrest from it the keys to greatness is discovered and learnt. Those who are brave hide their ambitions and passions from the world, they keep them close to their chest. When they say they want to be a doctor they no longer mention they want be the one to cure cancer. When they say they want to be an astronaut they no longer mention they wish to be an adventurer of old discovering new frontiers. Those who never learn to be brave become pushed and pulled by fear and insecurity instead and their passions smolder to embers having neither direction nor outlet.
… torn forever trying to prove they are not the monster that the world tells them they should be
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As young men a much sadder lesson is taught. The world tells them they are monsters, violent rapists looking for their next victim. They are told they can not be trusted, that they are not wanted, and that they are nothing more than fodder for wars or backs for endless drudgery. They are shown that even if they succeed and become married they are nothing more than boorish fools incapable of even the simplest household and fatherly duties. There is a world inside these men, a world of both sexual and romantic desire. In this world epic tales are dreamt where they learn about seduction, mystery, allure and romance. Where they learn what it is to bring a women to the edge of passion, what it means to deeply connect and what it means to touch both a partners heart and mind. But this is wrong, men’s sexual and romantic desires are wrong. Those who are wise continue to dream these epics, they learn to release these lessons in mere smidgens waiting, hoping, to one day find a partner they can fully express these desires. Those who never learn wisdom, those who let their dreams fade, become torn forever trying to prove they are not the monster that the world tells them they should be, trying desperately to keep close the knowledge that they are passionate human beings too.
The world of male desire, this is the world where the strong become leaders, where they are born and created, activists whose desire is set on the path to right the wrongs in the world. When these men cross our paths we can’t help but follow such desire. This world of desire is a world where the brave become the front-runners of progress. These are the entrepreneurs, the inventors, the artists and adventurers, the men who take their desire and use it to mold reality into the shape of their dreams. When we come across these men’s paths we can’t help but follow the trails their desire has cut. This world of desire is a world where the wise know the true meaning of romance. Where Gomez’s relationship with Morticia is the true expression of male romantic desire and not laughed at as an Adams Family eccentricity. When we see such men we can’t help but fall in love with the ideal of love, a love which shines through their every action.
This world of desire is hidden though. We have strong men, brave men and wise men but always they keep their desire close to their hearts. They achieve such wonders but you can only guess at their desires through their actions, never do these men they truly reveal such desires to the world around. I don’t think the world understands what it is losing with the suppression of male desire. I wonder what would happen if a brave, strong wise man let his desires be fully known. Would the world tear him apart, would it know what to do with such a man? I think such a man would be a force to be reckoned with. Gandhi, Henry Ford and Pierre Curie all rolled into one. Is the world ready for such a man? Does this world deserve such a man? This world of male desire is not a thing to be feared. Scratch the surface of this world instead of burying it because underneath great marvels lie in wait, hoping for a time they can be set free.
Also by Luke Davis
What A Man Wants In A Marriage | What it Takes to See a Man’s Feelings | Have You Seen a Man’s Heart? | Why Date a Man Who Dances? |
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Wow! I feel my most inner being described in this article. Since I was born I have a strong desire to see this world lived in love, harmony and adventure and I still haven’t found a way to make this reality. Everytime I tried to bring my desire to the surface, it was too overwhelming and utopian for everyone and I felt like I was being rude and a stranger to everyone. I want to live my life with this passion and burning in my heart but cannot find a way to connect this to my reality. This might be… Read more »
Luke,
Thank you for sharing this post. Your poetic prose has touched my heart and has given me a new perspective on my own internal turmoil (i.e. paragraph four). Growing up in a religious household, I have been shamed for my male desire of heterosexuality, a kind of shame that you described almost perfectly as I have experienced it. So again, thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings over this pervasive issue!
And keep up the good work in your writing, there are those who will listen to what you have to share.
@Marlene,
“Slut shaming doesn’t exist for men the way it does for women. ”
Isn’t this due largely to the fact that most women do not regard such men as cads? Instead they are prized by women as experienced lovers and playboys.
So, until women start viewing such men in a different light AND treating them differently, nothing is going to change.
You’re implying that what women should do is shame men more for being sexually active. The point is that men don’t get shamed for that while women do, so let’s stop shaming women. Men get shamed for other things but not for being “sluts”. How about we all stop shaming each other?
Shaming is a negative technique used to control and punish. The questions we should be asking is why do we feel it necessary to pass judgement on any behavior between consenting adults that harms no one. The caveat, of course is that there truly is consent.
For those interested in the genesis of equating sex with shame, an honest study of Christianity is very enlightening. (a great series on BBC Two – Sex and the Church.
The good news is that no matter how bad we think it is now, it used to be worse. A LOT worse.
“The questions we should be asking is why do we feel it necessary to pass judgement on any behavior between consenting adults that harms no one -” Yes, but what about when these type of people end up in your life…They hide their past…… All research I have come across show that people who have slept with lots of sexual partners have all sorts of issues ranging from higher incidence of STDs, more unstable relationships, generally less happy, an inability to form lasting relationships, etc….. We judge people daily. Whether it is for appearance, race, religion, height, weight, etc….So, why… Read more »
Jules, what is “lots ” ?
1000…100…10……5?
Men are very much expected to suppress and deny sexuality. People really are scared of men… That cant be healthy for anyone.
Your comment surprises me. As a woman, I’ve observed that men have far more social freedom and acceptance to express their sexuality. Slut shaming doesn’t exist for men the way it does for women. If people ( do you mean women or both women and men?) are scared of men as an identifiable group, it’s important to ask why and whether that’s just nature’s way or how we’ve been socialized. I agree the current state is unhealthy but humanity behaved its way into this morass. Now, how do we behave our way out?
Creep shaming anyone? When different men flirt with a woman the only difference between a creep and stud is whether or not the woman finds him attractive. Gay shaming anyone? If a man is submissive, or perhaps into anal (e.g. pegging) men and women alike accuse him of being gay. On both fronts we have homophobia and shaming of male sexuality. Hell I’ve seen it happen when a man wanted anal sex with his girlfriend – she accused him of being gay. Rape shaming? Feminists are driving home the rape culture message so hard that there are young men out… Read more »
“Why are we starting to program young men into seeing sex as un-natural?” A better question is why young men have grown to prefer unnatural sex. A visit to Reboot Nation and Reddit’s NoFap board might provide some enlightenment on the epidemic of young men who have been crippled in their interactions with women.
“A better question is why young men have grown to prefer unnatural sex.” Four reasons: fun, inexpensive, reliable, and readily accessible. For most men (young and old alike), women are neither….For a small group of men, women are all these things. Now, do you get it? Bottom line: women are not easily accessible to most men for sex. While the reverse is true for women. Have you ever wondered why there are so many prostitutes in the world? or America? Or why the sex industry has tripled in size over the past decade!? Perhaps it is due to men NOT… Read more »
How or why is that a better question? Women are too CHOOSING engage in more and more forms of kink. Would you try to shame those women or praise them for being ‘strong women who know what they want?’ Fact is for most young men, pursuing women in the social sphere is not worth it. Not worth the time. Not worth the money. Not worth the rejection. Porn is largely free. There is no rejection. There is know one judging them for what ever kink they have. For those that desire social interaction, they turn to webcam ‘dates’ for a… Read more »
“The World of Male Desire” shouldn’t include preteens at a mall, trying to enjoy their childhoods. Thank you.
Thank you so much Kat for your shining example of instantly wanting to paint male desire as sexual and bad. We have a thing called a dictionary, it’s been around for a few centuries now. It contains the meaning of words, for instance: Desire :strongly wish for or want (something). I don’t see the word sexual in that definition at all, at least that’s what I assume you are alluding too in your comment. I have young children of my own and I can very much assure you they have desires, mostly for candy and toys when we are shopping,… Read more »
And why not? I assume you’re alluding to sexuality. I remember being very interested in that as a child. You can bury your head in the sand or acknowledge what is a real and powerful drive for most of us. Even at that age. Hiding from it doesn’t make it less real; just perhaps gives it more opportunity to run amok.
Interesting read & quite a poetic perspective there as well- thanks for the article Luke. If some of the luster has been lost, or otherwise faded from the world of (and identification with) ‘male desire’, as you’ve described it, I think it is due in part to a very human characteristic. That being, our tendencies (regardless of the gender) to quantify, apportion and compartmentalize as much of our environments (the world we perceive) as far as possible. To a degree, this is necessary and proper; as intuitive beings, we all need to have relatable touchstones, constants, points of reference and such,… Read more »
Thanks Moatly_123. I’m an individualist, I believe in the strength power and greatness of individuals, that each of us is valuable and each of us is responsible for the world we create around ourselves. I don’t particularly like writing in stereotype form, you’re right there is a huge variation, but sometimes it helps to frame a problem as a stereotype even knowing it may only apply to 50% of men. Those 50% it doesn’t apply to that’s fine, they don’t need to read this, the 50% it does apply to well I hope my writing connects with them. My hope… Read more »
Good article Luke. I can assure you that the world of Male desire is not entirely lost. I see it every day within my brothers of the ManKindProject (http://MKPusa.org) If anything, it is the very suppression of who we are, desires and all, that causes most of the problems we hear about in the news. The Wild Man, Wizard, Little Boy, Warrior and Adventurer are part and parcel of every man. Once we learn how to channel these forces in a conscious way, for good, not harm – out of love, not fear; the world would then be a much… Read more »
Thanks Michael. I agree, this article and a few of my previous ones have come from a very broad topic of “Where have all the good men gone”. We are holding back too much of ourselves as men and it’s hurting us and society.